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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Racism at School - WIBU to put something on the WhatsApp group?

75 replies

CatherineCarwoodgoals · 18/01/2023 18:13

Dd8 came home complaining about some of the children at her school being anti-Semitic towards her (she didn’t use those words - more being mean because she is Jewish).
She is at a very ethnically diverse school but is the only Jewish child in the class. Basically one of the other children raised the Palestinian conflict with her and made aggressive gestures - punching his hand into his fist. Dd knows nothing about the conflict in Palestine.
The teacher has talked to the other pupil and parent involved and dd received an apology - however she said it has happened from more than this one child.
My main concern however is that 8yr old children must be hearing at home that Judaism is linked to the conflict - this conflation is one of the root causes of anti-semitism.
I am really keen to clarify that just because we are Jewish doesn’t mean we have a pro Israeli view and it is totally irrelevant to my daughter being proud of her own culture and heritage.
WIBU to put a message to this effect on the WhatsApp group, for background the WhatsApp group got very heated when one parent suggested buying the teacher some champagne as part of her Christmas gift so cultural awareness sensitivities have been discussed on there.
I am really torn about just letting it go or standing up for my daughter and a bit of education around the difference between being Jewish and being a Zionist.
WWYD?

OP posts:
Curioushorse · 18/01/2023 18:17

Well you won't change the other parent's opinion via WhatsApp, and it also provides a public forum where presumably 30+ other parents will be spectating?

Yes, the child will have heard it at home. You don't know the context I.e. the parents may well not have targeted their comments at Jewish people in general. They may be mortified.

But, more likely, you're dealing with an absolute idiot. You can't argue with racist idiots on social media with other people sitting back watching. You'll get enraged and they'll learn nothing.

yousmellnice · 18/01/2023 18:20

I would leave it to the school to educate the children. The class WhatsApp should be kept for "what's the deadline for xyz as we've lost the paperwork"

Curioushorse · 18/01/2023 18:21

Sorry this has happened to your child, by the way. In my comfortable white middle class background I assumed anti-semitism wasn't an actual thing any more. My Jewish friend enlightened me and I'm utterly appalled. I am so shocked that your 8-year-old is already being exposed to it- as well as the 8-year-olds who are having the racist baton passed down to them. It's so horrible and I can't imagine how tough and disheartening you must find it. I'm sorry.

lljkk · 18/01/2023 18:22

Is being Jewish part of your public identity?
As in how your family dress or being observant about holidays even if they aren't bank/public holidays.

I grew up in a place with a lot of (happened to be Jewish) kids, and I wouldn't have known except for comments they made... when we were teenagers. I wouldn't have even noticed when we were 8yo.

So I ask because... how did an 8yo classmate even know?

Motelschmotel · 18/01/2023 18:24

Putting something up on WhatsApp isn't anything to do with standing up for your DD. No child will be reading those messages, and your DD has to learn to stand up for herself.

I don't believe in letting these things go, personally. If we all do that, nothing will change.

You would need to be careful about educating adults about anything. I don't think that approach is the correct one. Not only would you instantly make everyone switch off (patronizing, in the extreme), nobody with busy lives will take the time to read what you post.

You will need to make any message you send short and to the point. And say what you mean. "This week I've been liaising with school about anti-semitic behaviour that was directed at my daughter. All our children are young, and all are learning - mine included. For example, I am teaching her about the difference between Judaism and Zionism, between politics and religion, and what our family's beliefs are on the above. I would be extremely grateful and appreciative if, to avoid any further instances of this occurring, we could promote all the things that our children have in common rather than what might separate them."

And don't expect any replies.

Original poster
CatherineCarwoodgoals · 18/01/2023 18:25

Ah thank you - she is fine, remarkably robust. I just get so frustrated with the conflation of Judaism and Zionism. I have experienced plenty of anti-semitism in my time but more getting called a big-nosed Jew etc or holocaust ‘jokes’ as opposed to anti-Israeli conflation - I mostly shrugged it off as well.

OP posts:
Original poster
CatherineCarwoodgoals · 18/01/2023 18:27

Classmate knew as they talk about festivals they celebrate - she is really proud of her culture and heritage. At a school that is over 50% ethnic minorities there is a lot of focus on different cultures

OP posts:
SheilaWilcox · 18/01/2023 18:27

I don't think a WhatsApp group is the place for it, but I think it should be raised.

As someone hinted at above, if you've not suffered discrimination or harassment, it's easy to think it doesn't happen in the circles you mix in. Education really is the key. I know I don't know enough about anti-semitism and need to educate myself, but some people need a little more spoon feeding with the information.
Make the school aware and maybe offer to proof read information on worksheets or whatever.

Coffeellama · 18/01/2023 18:28

I’d raise it with the school again instead. I think on a WhatsApp group is likely to get the reaction you are hoping for.

ChristmasTensions · 18/01/2023 18:28

I would talk to her teacher, but I wouldn’t bother with the class WhatsApp.

olympicsrock · 18/01/2023 18:29

I agree that it is not right. WhatsApp group is not the place to address. The discussions around single sex parties and teachers presents are bad enough…
no good will come of this…

Anon778833 · 18/01/2023 18:32

This is awful. You most certainly should be approaching the school again with your concerns but I'd say a WhatsApp group might not really help because text messages don't come across like RL. The school can and should do something to stop the ongoing nature of this - it's on their watch!

DeliberatelyObtuse · 18/01/2023 18:35

Absolutely not a WhatsApp group

Through school only

Original poster
CatherineCarwoodgoals · 18/01/2023 18:36

Ok enough messages to convince me not to say anything else outside of discussions with the teacher - thanks

OP posts:
Abba123 · 18/01/2023 18:41

I feel that you should be able to request the support of other parents when it comes to bullying.

You have to be very careful how you word it though. You can’t accuse or ask people to align with your beliefs.

I’m thinking something like:

“I’m sad to have to post this but I could use some support. My daughter is experiencing bullying within the year group. Please if anyone has any information about the bullying, it will help the school to monitor it.”

What I’m thinking is that it doesn’t bring personal values into it, it portrays you as concerned rather than confrontational, it suggests that it won’t go unnoticed and it is also a veiled threat about the school already looking for the culprits.

Mariposista · 18/01/2023 18:46

Only teenagers use WhatsApp to express their displeasure. Professional adults use face to face, formal complaint letter or not at all.

2bazookas · 18/01/2023 18:53

I would ask the school, in writing, to formally record the incidents , and second, notify the parents of the children involved , and confirm to you that has been done.

Yazo · 18/01/2023 19:03

Wow, I'm so sorry that your 8 year old has experienced this and as for the comment that 'DD has to learn to stand on her own two feet' no one should even have to stand up to racism alone, that exactly is how hatred spreads and if I were a mum seeing that on WhatsApp I would 100% stand with you and educate my children. But, sadly that comes from my own experience of familial racist incidents (I'm not Jewish so can't fully relate) Also sadly, most people are more dismissive of racism and discrimination than me, so you need to take care of the WhatsApp because it could put you in a difficult place psychologically. The school should be putting the message out, my kids school would. I'd follow it up with them but again I'm appalled and saddened to hear about this, it's horrible for your daughter, she should be proud of her religion and culture and it's not acceptable for her to face this sort of teasing at school. It can be easily dismissed but honestly its incredible how one word, one action once can hurt so much. I can still remember a racist slur said to my brother, it was 35 years ago, still hurts. Good luck to you and her x

QueenSmartypants · 18/01/2023 19:05

It's never inappropriate to say something about racism.

The rise in asemitism isllitic anti semitism is deeply concerning, I'm sorry you're both going through this

MyrrAgain · 18/01/2023 19:07

I would discuss with the teacher and school your concerns about 1. Bullying and 2. Racism. Document everything and don't let them minimise anti semitism as not counting or politicalize it. That's why you refer to it as racism. And what are they going to do to address racism in the class?

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/01/2023 19:09

I would take it up with the school as opposed to the WhatsApp group. The subtleties will probably be lost on the group and parents can decide whether or not to pass it on to parents.

I think the points you made are good: could you perhaps ask that they do as assembly on it?

realmsofglory · 18/01/2023 19:13

Motelschmotel · 18/01/2023 18:24

Putting something up on WhatsApp isn't anything to do with standing up for your DD. No child will be reading those messages, and your DD has to learn to stand up for herself.

I don't believe in letting these things go, personally. If we all do that, nothing will change.

You would need to be careful about educating adults about anything. I don't think that approach is the correct one. Not only would you instantly make everyone switch off (patronizing, in the extreme), nobody with busy lives will take the time to read what you post.

You will need to make any message you send short and to the point. And say what you mean. "This week I've been liaising with school about anti-semitic behaviour that was directed at my daughter. All our children are young, and all are learning - mine included. For example, I am teaching her about the difference between Judaism and Zionism, between politics and religion, and what our family's beliefs are on the above. I would be extremely grateful and appreciative if, to avoid any further instances of this occurring, we could promote all the things that our children have in common rather than what might separate them."

And don't expect any replies.

Dont post this. Adults dont need or deserve your unsolicited lecturing

Keepfocused · 18/01/2023 19:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ittakes2 · 18/01/2023 19:17

Whatever you do don't do what you have suggested. Most parents are going to be 'huh? What's that all about' and then you will be labeled the crazy mum.
Maybe offer to the teacher to speak to the class about judism? Education is always the best defence.

Quordle · 18/01/2023 19:19

lljkk · 18/01/2023 18:22

Is being Jewish part of your public identity?
As in how your family dress or being observant about holidays even if they aren't bank/public holidays.

I grew up in a place with a lot of (happened to be Jewish) kids, and I wouldn't have known except for comments they made... when we were teenagers. I wouldn't have even noticed when we were 8yo.

So I ask because... how did an 8yo classmate even know?

I can't imagine how you wouldn't know! Children talk. My class definitely knows who attends church because those children bring it up in RE lessons. They know one child has Nigerian heritage because she talks about it. I'm almost certain if a Jewish child joins our class, they will tell us about it at some point!