Mediation

[PennythePenguin]

Sorry my mumsnet is jumpy today. Long story short. Split with ex when ds was 1. Contact was sporadic due to exes job. At 3 I had enough and hv involved. We agreed for him to do more. Fast forward a year and he's met someone so started doing more. We agreed 2 nights a week and one weekend a month. His weekend is Saturday morning to Sunday night. However I'm not getting a weekend next month as he has 3 weekends of nights and a wedding. Aibu to think this isn't my issue? I've contacted a mediator as he says he won't change it. He has history for this and needed mediation over a house with anther ex.

😃

Anyone?

Difficult one, I think work commitments trickier and a wedding is also a bit of a one off. Could you negotiate that he does 2 weekends the next month to make up for it? Do you trust him despite his apparent disinterest?

I don't trust him not to be an arse. He used to deliberately fill his calender with social engagements so he couldn't have him. He also has his shifts for 3 months a time but will give me them with days notice. I also am expected to be there on his days if something crops up. We're no longer together. His shit ain't mine.

What are you hoping to achieve through mediation?

That he sticks to the arranged rota. I'm not asking for more.

My experience of mediation is that the mediator will facilitate a conversation between you both, but can’t enforce or make a decision on either of your behalf. I guess what I’m saying is, they can’t make him stick to a rota, but if the conversation has broken down between you both then mediation might be a good mechanism for you.

It sounds like you need to agree a rota that works (it doesn’t sound like the current one does if he works nights/shifts and needs flexibility) so it might be worth you both coming up with options on a different approach that means the contact remains the same but it’s flexible to working patterns/requires X weeks notice to change the rota. For example, when he is on a lates, a mid week over night rather than a weekend, or something like what Hollyhead suggested.