Toileting accidents

[SleepingStandingUp]

Not an AIBU, but posting for traffic.

DS didn't toilet train until 5, party due to undiagnosed constipation. Once that was sorted, he got dry.

He's now 7, so been dry two years but we've had two accidents in 8 days, all at school. Claims he puts his hand up but teacher doesn't see so he can't go. Myself and teachers have told and told him just shout out, walk out, just go, don't have an accident, it's fine, tell the table I'm going to wee and leave etc. .
But no. If his hand IS up it's barely up, teacher can't see, girls on his table who are good and would say if he was sat there waving his arm about, can't see it.

Both times now he's wee'd then panicked and shouted out in front of the class to the teacher and cried. But once he's changed his clothes he's over it and fine.

He doesn't seem to understand its not nice for the teacher to clean up or that the kids might tease him.

He doesn't seem to take in that he has to get his bum up and walk to the loo without express agreement, or without someone telling him to.

I don't know how else to approach it. I've been gentle, it's OK it was an accident, it doesn't matter just try harder. Should I be harsher?? And does this complete lack of shame, lack of worries about peers, lack of awareness ring bells of alarm for anyone else?

I'm calling the GP tomorrow, I'll be asking them to check his tummy for constipation and his pee for water infection. I'll try and get a, sample in the morning

Thanks. School look at me like I'm odd, they see a slightly kooky kid who follows rules, who's academically average after the kind of start in life where we'd have been predicted special school. But I think his stupendous progress, it blinds them somewhat.

Omg the noises. He'll just repeat like one line of a song agai nand again, or a random noise. And I tell myself he's 7, they're all odd, but his peers don't... But then he CAN stop if I tell him too, although he'll let it out another way and he struggles to just be still

@CoffeeWithCheese it's interesting about the interception, I remember looking at this before re his thirsts and hunger. He so rarely asks for drinks, he doesn't drink enough and rarely seems to feel thirtst, and hunger isn't far behind. But he was fully tube fed pretty much for the first 18 months (there were a few months of bottles and 4 months of weaning) and even now he's partly tube fed for not eating enough. Major issues over food where he'll just maintain he doesn't like something and nothing will convince him to try it. He has sensory issues in early years too but these seem to have resolved except for food and drinks

Sorry I haven't read the full thread but I have lots of experience with bowel and bladder issues and to me this seems like he has urge incontinence - he doesn't get the urge that he needs to go till it's too late. He's probably then covering by saying he put his hand up (but at the last second when it was too late).

Time to do a Movicol/Laxido disimpaction I would say as he probably has some constipation issues going on again.

Movicol Mummies is a good Facebook group to join for advice.

Also, the ERIC charity is a good source of advice (you can call them). This is their parents guide to disimpaction:

eric.org.uk/childrens-bowels/parents-guide-to-disimpaction/

He's ahd had a couple of poos over the last few days, and tbf they look like decent normal stools so less worried about constipation than I was. There's no way I can up his movicol during the school week anyway as he's v sensitive.

Spoke to school and they said he's been doing really well lately but will keep an eye out

It is more so the social aspect that worries me, the lack of inhibition or concern for others dealing with it or knowing etc,