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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Social media in dangerous jobs

44 replies

TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 08:43

My DP is about to start a new job which will bring him into contact with lots of criminals on a regular basis.

Because of this we decided to really lock down our social media and I had a cull of any people that I don't really know, such as old school friends (from 15 years ago) people met on nights out, people met on holiday and such like.

Dp has made an entirely new profile as there is stuff about his past that he wouldn't want his colleagues or the criminals finding out. He said he would use a fake name and just add family and close friends which is exactly what I now have.

So he has used his distinctive first name and a made up surname, a profile picture of our faces and looking down his friends list, it's just full of randoms. A woman who moved to Australia when they were kids, a bloke who trained in the same gym years ago, a woman he went to school with but hadn't seen since.

I honestly don't know if I am overreacting but he doesn't know these people well so for all he knows they could be associated with gangs or drugs.

(Not as far fetched as it sounds, we are working class in a big city, not middle class in the suburbs)

So I have removed him from my social media because I don't want linking to him as that the provides a link to my children.

I know it's unlikely to ever come to anything but I don't want to have any risk at all.

I don't know if I am being silly?

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 08:43

Sorry if not clear those aren't the only three people I am concerned about but just to illustrate the kind of connection that I am worried about.

OP posts:
MithrilCostsMore · 18/01/2023 08:44

your DH sounds like an idiot.

IDontCareMatthew · 18/01/2023 08:46

I'm in a similiar job

What is you are scared of exactly?

Original poster
TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 08:48

I am worried that if any of the criminals were to get pissed off at him they could threaten my teenagers or use info about of family to blackmail him with.

I have known lots of dodgy people and know they definitely would stoop that low.

I know it's UNLIKELY to happen and he will go to work and come home and all is fine but it is still a risk that he can mitigate and is choosing not to.

As I said I am very prepared to be told I am over reacting. I just think he is being naive.

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OdeToBarney · 18/01/2023 08:49

Police officer friend used a name you would never be able to guess was her, no profile pictures showing her face or identifying features and if you went by her social media, you would never have known she had a child. Small, select friends list. All entirely sensible. Your DP is being silly.

Alexandernevermind · 18/01/2023 08:50

Its always sensible to be careful with social media and be selective about who you share your information with, but I think if your dh has a job where he is going to be known by unsavouries then he should come off social media altogether.

Original poster
TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 08:50

OdeToBarney · 18/01/2023 08:49

Police officer friend used a name you would never be able to guess was her, no profile pictures showing her face or identifying features and if you went by her social media, you would never have known she had a child. Small, select friends list. All entirely sensible. Your DP is being silly.

That's the kind of steps I was expecting. Even more so because he will be in contact with the same criminals regularly and will be working in our local area.

OP posts:
sallymonella · 18/01/2023 08:55

Is your question then, AIBU to remove DH from my social media?

In which case, YANBU. Even without all the info about his job, you can link/connect with whoever you like, or not, from your own social media account.

Original poster
TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 08:57

sallymonella · 18/01/2023 08:55

Is your question then, AIBU to remove DH from my social media?

In which case, YANBU. Even without all the info about his job, you can link/connect with whoever you like, or not, from your own social media account.

Oh yes - I have already removed him, I don't want to be linked to him on the internet when he doesn't seem to be taking my safety concern's seriously.

Sorry if I didn't put that in.

OP posts:
Judgyjudgy · 18/01/2023 09:04

What was the point of him creating another profile just to add randoms? You're probably overreacting as I'm guessing the people he meets won't be his current fb friends, but given this new job maybe he's best not to have a profile at all given its probably not that hard to search and track ... in saying that, if someone wanted to there's probably other ways to do this not just fb

emptythelitterbox · 18/01/2023 09:05

He's not really hiding if he's used his real distinctive first name and a real photo of himself.

Why does he have sm at all?

Original poster
TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 09:08

Judgyjudgy · 18/01/2023 09:04

What was the point of him creating another profile just to add randoms? You're probably overreacting as I'm guessing the people he meets won't be his current fb friends, but given this new job maybe he's best not to have a profile at all given its probably not that hard to search and track ... in saying that, if someone wanted to there's probably other ways to do this not just fb

That is exactly what I said. What was the point.

Well I know what the point was, he was making sure evidence of his past can't come to light whilst not giving a stuff about the safety of my children!

I don't think for one second any of his actual Facebook friends will be the criminals that he meets, more that they could be associated with criminals and all it takes is for big bad Johnny the crime lord to ask his lackies on the outside to look for Mr PO - his lackey notices that they have a friend in common, silly Sarah and use her to gain information.

It's not as much of a leap as it sounds given the place we have grown up.

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HRTQueen · 18/01/2023 09:17

It’s best to just come off social media or keep it limited no photos of children

there is nothing on my Facebook about ds and the odd picture of me mainly used to see what close family and friends are posting from abroad of course on private settings (but these can be hacked into if someone was that interested)

I work with ex offenders and it’s not that unusual for them to search staff out on social media sometimes it’s just them being inquisitive sometimes well we don’t know but the advice is always keep it very limited (of course that’s ignored)

Beezknees · 18/01/2023 09:19

Is it necessary for him to have social media at all? If I was in a dangerous job I'd delete my social media entirely.

Original poster
TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 09:22

I suggested coming off social media altogether but that wasn't an option. Apparently keeping track of these people are more important than his family.

The fact I could see his friends list at all shows that he hadn't even locked it down tight. Despite me telling him several times.

I painstakingly went through every security setting and checked it was all as high as possible.

OP posts:
Catoneverychair · 18/01/2023 09:24

I don't know why you'd be friends w

PoIIyPandemonium · 18/01/2023 09:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Catoneverychair · 18/01/2023 09:25

ffs... with randoms anyway, but I get your concerns.
I'd take it all down and keep in touch with people you actually know/care about via other comms.

Original poster
TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 09:28

His definition of randoms and mine seem to differ. He thinks that if they lived round the corner for a year in 1998 that he knows them.

I think if you wouldn't go to their funeral, you don't need to see what they had for their tea last night.

OP posts:
barneshome · 18/01/2023 09:29

SM is rubbish
This is the only one I use
My buddy is private eye
Says if a person has a mebook insta or twatter he can get there address and loads of details about them in 5 minutes

Bard6817 · 18/01/2023 09:32

The distinctive name is an issue for those who do come into contact with criminals.

Hubby is very wise. As are you.

Alas, some people don’t get it, the risk to them or their family, the risk of being compromised etc.

Lock it down.

Ubfortunately you might facebook flags the account and requires verification - so don’t make it too far from the truth - otherwise he may get locked out fully. They don’t get that anonymity is valuable (required! life threatening!) to those in certain professions.

HaddawayAndShite · 18/01/2023 09:33

It’s absolutely sensible to lock down your social media anyway and you’ve done the right thing to remove him and his stupid fake account fell your profile. I’d probably block him tbh.

What is worrying though is he’s going into a job which potential dangerous outcomes, working with dodgy people … yet he thinks nothing of advertising the faces of his wife and children all over this new fake profile? He sounds thick as mince.

What is his reasoning for putting your family in potential danger?

A friend is married to a police office and I’ve heard stories about criminals tracking people down… I couldn’t and wouldn’t less this lie tbh.

I doubt his superiors would be happy about this too.

mycatsanutter · 18/01/2023 09:37

My dh comes into contact with criminals in his job he says the only way to keep us 100% safe is no social media at all .

Original poster
TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 09:39

He doesn't have the kids faces but he does have mine. I have told him not to post anything of the kids since he's not taking it seriously.

He starts training next month so hopefully it will all be covered in the training and he will be less naive before he actually starts the job.

I just wanted to get an idea of wether I am being silly before I dig my heels in on this one.

OP posts:
Original poster
TurtleTriplets · 18/01/2023 09:40

mycatsanutter · 18/01/2023 09:37

My dh comes into contact with criminals in his job he says the only way to keep us 100% safe is no social media at all .

Do you still have social media or have you both come off?

Just wondering if I need to get rid of mine altogether.

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