to feel pushed out at work

CanStopWillStop · 2023-01-17T22:04:27+00:00

I've come back to work (marketing) after maternity and everything is different. I have a new boss since coming back and work streams I was previously involved in have been delegated to others. I feel like a spare part and have done for almost 6 months now. I also don't have the same energy as before maternity (DS still wakes frequently in the night) Everything is so so different, and the niche I'm in is so fast moving I don't feel I can ever catch up. DH thinks I should be "living the dream", not being constantly stressed out and overworked, but honestly I do miss being a key team member. I also feel quite vulnerable as since they don't need me really, and if it came to the chop, I'd certainly be one of the first inline for lay offs. What should I do?

SoShallINever · 17/01/2023 22:05

Look around and find something else?

Keyansier · 17/01/2023 22:20

YABU. What did you expect them to do, hold off on the marketing campaign(s) until you came back?

giveadogabeer · 17/01/2023 22:42

Times change
You’ve been back six months what are you doing to change how you feel?
I don’t mean to be harsh it should shit but have you don’t anything for change it?

Original poster

CanStopWillStop · 17/01/2023 22:45

Keyansier · 17/01/2023 22:20

YABU. What did you expect them to do, hold off on the marketing campaign(s) until you came back?

Not at all, but let's say I was working in food marketing, specialising in fruit. I'm now marketing inflatable pool toys. I didn't expect them to stop all marketing while I was gone, but I did expect to go back to my specialism at least.

OP posts:

Original poster

CanStopWillStop · 17/01/2023 22:47

SoShallINever · 17/01/2023 22:05

Look around and find something else?

I'm looking at the moment – job market is very unpredictable which is slightly scary, but don't see things improving here.

OP posts:

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/01/2023 22:55

I think it can take 6 months to settle back in, but after a while you wont be 'new' any more.

One thing I think you need to sort is the sleep and then you will have more energy for you again. Have you considered gentle sleep training or anything? Does your husband do half the night wakes?

Do you think you'll want another child? And if so, when? I only ask because it might be a lot of work to get back to where you were before and if you were going off again in 9 months it may be worth just biding your time.

Remember sideways moves can benefit careers, is there any positives you can take from it? Like now you're a fruit and inflatables specialist? Do you have the chance to learn new skills and get on with new colleagues? If yes then it might be worth sticking around a bit and working out ways it can benefit you. If not then I'd start by talking to your management. Not about how you've been pushed out, because assuming your new job is the same grade etc then thats just normal staff changes for business needs. But about what you could offer to the new fruit team (new manager might not be aware). You might have to do something extra for the fruit team on top of your current job to remind them (and you) how good you are.

Original poster

CanStopWillStop · 17/01/2023 23:18

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 17/01/2023 22:55

I think it can take 6 months to settle back in, but after a while you wont be 'new' any more.

One thing I think you need to sort is the sleep and then you will have more energy for you again. Have you considered gentle sleep training or anything? Does your husband do half the night wakes?

Do you think you'll want another child? And if so, when? I only ask because it might be a lot of work to get back to where you were before and if you were going off again in 9 months it may be worth just biding your time.

Remember sideways moves can benefit careers, is there any positives you can take from it? Like now you're a fruit and inflatables specialist? Do you have the chance to learn new skills and get on with new colleagues? If yes then it might be worth sticking around a bit and working out ways it can benefit you. If not then I'd start by talking to your management. Not about how you've been pushed out, because assuming your new job is the same grade etc then thats just normal staff changes for business needs. But about what you could offer to the new fruit team (new manager might not be aware). You might have to do something extra for the fruit team on top of your current job to remind them (and you) how good you are.

Thank you – i actually really needed to read this tonight 💜

Truthfully, I don't miss being run ragged daily either, but this limbo-nothingness is difficult to get used to. I think I'd have to work super hard to get back on fruit, the types of long hours the youngster do and what I had to do to get there too. I'm not sure i have that in me right now. But feeling cast off to inflatables has damaged my confidence a lot. I'm actively looking at other jobs, but not quite confident enough to make a leap yet.

You've given me serious food for thought though, thanks I really appreciate it :)

OP posts:

LemonDrizzles · 18/01/2023 06:33

I felt a little this way after both maternity leaves. What helps is (1) a sponsor onside who also shells out work (2) demonstrating appraisal worthy excellence

The first is hard - anyone in inflatable "knows who you are"

The second equally as hard if you are not being given enough of an apple to bite...

After 1st mat leave, luckily job stayed the same. It was the second one that it was clear there was going to be s change in my return. As pp said I guess worth thinking of second child as well.

All the best

7Worfs · 18/01/2023 06:44

Keyansier · 17/01/2023 22:20

YABU. What did you expect them to do, hold off on the marketing campaign(s) until you came back?

FFS why do men feel so entitled to comment on women looking for career advice post-maternity just to tear her down?

Thank you for your opinion on maternity, random man!