Getting older..

[Michellexxx]

So I am mid thirties, have had kids and been married for a while. I’m starting to struggle a bit with getting older and I never thought I’d be that woman..
Ive always has quite a bit of make attention and I still take care of myself, but the upkeep is getting more intense. I also need to start going to the gym etc.

But I’m obviously older now. My husband still finds me attractive but when he’s on social media he’s obviously seeing younger women more etc. he doesn’t watch it (not infront of me anyway..)

As I said, I am embarrassed and usually dress for myself etc but I didn’t realise how much the way I looked influenced my life. I wish I could just not care, but I actually do!

Does/did anyone else feel like this?!

Yes. I’m mid 30s and had my second child just over a year ago. Feel like I’ve aged a decade in the last 18 months when I look in the mirror. Clothes don’t fit, make up doesn’t suit, hair is different. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin at the moment, like it’s not mine. No advice but I’m with you.

It’s so tricky, isn’t it! When I was a teen I genuinely had no idea whether or not I was attractive. Then I got more attention, until probably the last couple of years it’s a different kind of attention. I’m thinking attractive but not ‘hot’, if you know what I mean.

I also think it feels different for me to my husband..and I don’t think he really understands (even though he’d older) and would think I was going mad if I started to get upset about him seeing young women on social media (which is ridiculous, because I used to not care as I was v comfortable!)

Yup. Early 30s and have aged so much since having my first 7 months ago. Finding clothes, hair, skin, make up, all of it so difficult to get right. Feeling very uncomfortable in my own skin and self conscious. I'm hoping maybe once I stop breastfeeding or baby starts sleeping better I might start looking a bit better but starting to think that's unlikely...

I’m in my mid 30s and some days I look at myself and wonder who let me leave the house like that! No makeup, greasy hair, baby milk/spit on my clothes, wearing leggings and a baggy jumper.

Then I do myself up and actually, I look worse because makeup just sinks into my wrinkles, my postpartum hair is mental so sticks up in a halo, my “nice” clothes accentuate the fact that I’m not a size 10 and actually a 14-16 now, and I have permanent resting bitch face because my mind is always full.

I'm early 40's it just gets easier. You give less fucks. I don't know why but you just do. Maybe it's because you have other things to worry about Heath wise as you age.

Maybe it's because as you go into peri your sex drives dips a lot. Or it did for me.

I make an effort to be tidy and well dressed if I'm at work etc etc but I'm not as arsed as I was. It's come about with age for me.

It won't be the same for everyone of course but that's my experience anyway.

When you get to your forties you will prob look at pics of you in your thirties and think what was I worried about I liked great 😊

What's he looking at on social media that he's seeing younger women 🤔

I am now nearly fifty and when I was younger I was always complimented on my looks. Getting older, that changed and it left me feeling invisible which was a difficult transition. I now try to keep the focus on me and what I think of myself. Stuff what other people think! I also look around at other women who are older and who might not be considered traditionally beautiful, who have their own unique style and an attitude that makes them really attractive because they ooze an inner beauty and self confidence. I went through a phase of feeling older and unattractive, and I started to do a bit of "princessing". I now make an effort just for me and I love being older! I dress for myself, I no longer feel tied to fashions and trends. I understand what suits me more and dress accordingly. I personally feel more freedom to wear what I want/look how I want and less pressure to follow trends or look good, if that makes sense. I also remind myself whenever I remember what a privilege it is to have lived as long as I have lived and to have earned my wrinkles.

And when you get to 50’s you really will not give a toss

when he’s on social media he’s obviously seeing younger women more etc. he doesn’t watch it (not infront of me anyway..)

Eh? What social media do you mean? Friends' profile pictures? Instagram idiots?

He goes on tik tok and watches things about the Ukraine war etc but obviously get some random
ones popping up too. He’s usually on it when we’re in bed next to one another. So he’s not searching for it but it’s there.

Im hoping it does get easier because I really want to go back to not caring!

What do you mean younger women on social media? Surely he can see younger women in the street and on tv and anywhere? Unless he’s actively following/ liking younger women?
Doesn’t watch what? Porn?

So it’s random women doing stupid dances in sportswear or something like that.. who obviously either really care or don’t care about what people think, depending how you look at it!

I’m 35. I see aging and getting older a blessing because so many don’t get that option. Sounds morbid but it’s true. Every year is another year that I made it

I went through a haggard frump phase after my 2nd ds was born which lasted maybe 18 months? Then I entered probably my best decade - early thirties to early 40s. I was finally sleeping again, my body had bounced back and I just felt more comfortable in my skin and more confident ( in spite of my user name!) than I ever had. I got more attention from men too, so it wasn't just in my head.
I'm coming up to 50 now and look back at that decade as my golden age!
Don't underestimate how much hormones going haywire, lack of sleep and running around after young children can take it out of you. I look back at photos of 32 year-old me and 40 year-old me and there's a big difference. I looked and felt much better at 40!

Hormones are now gone to pot with menopause and I'm now battling middle age spread and some potentially serious health issues.

I feel sad that my best years are probably behind me but reading your post has made me think that this
phase may be just that. A phase. There may be a second golden age just around the corner.

Gosh, that was a bit of a ramble, wasn't it?!

TLDR: You will almost certainly perk up when you get some decent sleep and move out of the intense child-rearing stage.

Please by kind to yourself. I bet your dh thinks the world of you.

Nope - I'm comfortable with how I look, but have never been somebody bothered about makeup etc. I dress well - but comfortably, and for me. If I'm getting older, so is my DH. Nothing I do is based on what I look like - friends are chosen because of shared interests and activities. Life's too short.

You are my queen. I hope o feel like this at 50.

I was never able to rely on my looks anyway! In fact I think my looks have improved with age as get more attention now! Probably because I’ve developed a good sense of humour, an interest in others, hobbies. I’ve noticed men my age care (late 30s) care a lot more about substance anyway. I never got my self-worth from my looks when I was younger or I’d be shot 😂

In 80 years we'll all be distant memories.

Enjoy your life, don't sweat small stuff. In 10years you'll look back at now think you looked so young.

I was the same. I was complimented on my looks so much when I was younger, that when I turned mid 30s and the compliments slowed down it hit me hard. I started putting a lot of pressure on myself to stay looking young with expensive face creams, Botox etc.
when I turned 40 I stopped caring so much about getting older, and what I found helps me is feeling like ageing is a privilege denied to many

Thanks gravyriceandchips!