I’m feeling really low and fed up

[FedUp2023]

I’m feeling really down and don’t have anyone to really talk to about it. I feel overwhelmed, anxious and just upset. I shouted at my children today (7 and 4)and I feel so guilty. My eldest wouldn’t sit still whilst I was trying to brush her hair, we were late for school and I was panicking, I know I shouldnt have shouted. Then they were both fighting in the car.

I feel like life is so horrible and stressful right now and I feel so selfish saying this but have had thoughts I should just end it and kill my self; I obviously I won’t, as I don’t want my kids to get messed up. I went back to work this week too as a supply teacher and it’s made my mood worse as I’m tired and if we’re late it means I will be late for work.

im just not happy. I have no help from my husband and there’s no love it affection there. We’ve bought a new house which is lovely but he doesnt want to move in till all the furniture gets delivered. I’ve been living in his mothers house for 5 months now and no she’s not being “incredibly generous” incase anyone says this as she doesn’t want us to move out, there was a huge fight when we initially moved out 15 years ago. She wants us with her 24/7. She’s even hinted her and FIL are also looking at properties near our new place as they want to downsize and want to live near us! We’re only moving 20 minutes drive away but she’s so controlling. Our previous house was in the next street down from her. I’m so incredibly fed up.

Oops so sorry I did t mean to enable voting. Please ignore the voting button.

I am very sorry that you are feeling so down today - sending a hand hold.

I did quite a lot of shouting at my children - not ideal, but they do learn that you can only push someone so far! Please don't beat yourself up about it. No-one is a perfect parent and yet most children grow up normal!

Pick them up tomorrow and go for a treat, even a bar of chocolate in the car. We all have bad days, we all shout and balancing work and home is not easy. I'd be pushing your husband to move out asap too

Just move in now. With or without the husband.

This weekend. Move everything you can, even if you sleep on a mattress on the floor.

Living with in laws / parents is never going to be good.

I bet you'll feel instantly calmer once you've done this.

I shout at times too. If they listened I wouldn't need to shout. Well that's what I tell myself.'

@Mischance @Outtasteamandluck @RosieLemonadeAndSugar @Smoky1107

thank you all for your replies. I feel like the worst mother ever. I didn’t write this in my original PM as it was too upsetting for me but my 4 year old said “why do you hate me today?” That just broke my heart, my poor little boy. I’m going to bed now and try to get some rest before tomorrow. Thank you for the idea of getting a treat for them sounds like a good plan.

I mean post not PM , gosh I’m so tired!

You are feeling stressed and overwhelmed because you are disempowered op. It sounds as though your dh is putting his mother first before his wife and dc.

Take the children and move in to
your new house. You don’t need permission. You are doing this for your own mh and if you are happy, your dc will be too.

It will then be up to your dh whether he follows you or not. If he doesn’t then at least things will be clear cut and you will know your relationship is over. It sounds as though it’s more than half way there anyway.

You sound like a lovely person op who is trying to please all the people. I am in a similar position atm and it’s gradually dawning that, sometimes you really do need to put yourself first.

This really is the most depressing time of the year too. I doubt there are many people full of the joys in mid January.
It's sounds like you have a lot on your plate and they do say a house move is one of the top stressful things in life.
Give yourself a pat on the back for your patience that you are not shouting at everyone everyday!

Take a breath and know this is not permanent. It will get better. Xxx

I'm so sorry you feel so down. It's a horrible time of year that lowers everyone's spirits. On top of this you have stressful living situation, young kids and a stressful job.

You are very down indeed if you are having suicidal ideation, even if you have no plans to act on it. I think you deserve to book a GP visit and to consider a short course of medication just to give you the breathing space to feel a bit less ground down. You can also self-refer for 6-12 therapy sessions on NHS online these days and it sounds like that could be very useful to you.

Meanwhile, trivial as it seems, even when I was deeply depressed (I had clinical depression on and off for decades) I found taking tiny breathers from it helped a lot. Can you start the day by listening to some really upbeat or calming music you love in your car or while making breakfast? Can you watch a rerun of an old comedy you love or read an escapist novel like Agatha Christie or Wodehouse or chicklit if you like it before bed? Can you spend 5 minutes alone in a park or garden and just breathe and look at nature - the birds, the rising moon, frost on the hedgerows. Do you have time to take regular exercise? Gym or run or swim or bootcamp or yoga twice a week would help.

If P-i-Ls are so keen to be nearby does that mean they are willing to be hands-on? Can you ask them to have the children while you go to a fitness class, or to help with breakfast etc if you need a bit more support?

You know, when that sort of thing happened to me (it happens to every mum) I felt like the worst mum in the world - real guilt for ages.
Now DC are adults, I actually think, it's fine that we had days like that. It's good, even. because children need to learn resilience. They need to learn that life isn;t always rosy, that people who love them aren't perfect and can have a bad day and recover, that strong relationships have rocky moments but are fundamentally loving and fine. It's not preparing them for the world to raise them in some perfect bubble. It's OK to shout very occasionally, and to apologise and hug them and say you were having a bad day. To remind them they have meltdowns too sometimes, and though grown ups aren't supposed to, sometimes they do. And that isn't ideal but it is OK.

Thank you all for your lovely advice and well wishes. I took my kids out for cake and got chocolate after school and then we watched a film before bedtime. I feel better today but it takes so much energy for me yo be really happy and fun infront of them.

Just noticed that the comments stopped in January but anyway. Hope you are feeling better now and the kids haven't put on too much weight from all the chocolat. Being a child is the beginning of a learning curve which only stops when you are 6 ft under. Bad behaviour often results in getting shouted at if you're luck or clouted unless you have a New Age mother.
Your hubby sounds like he type who didn't read the in-between-the-lines text in the wedding vows - your Family is now you and your wife; your Mother is no longer in charge. Its up to him to give her the news that he doesn't want his family under her roof nor her moving to be nearer you.