He's like Jekyll & Hyde

[session9]

I've posted previously about my relationship, today I ended it.

I tried to explain it to him but it was like talking to a brick wall. The problem is he is like two different people. I never know which version I'm going to get, one day he's perfect, the next he's the complete opposite, he snaps, is irritable, moody, won't talk, puts a downer on the day. This makes me feel unhappy. Later on in the day after he's pretty much ruined it, it decides to be nice again.
He Can't for the life of him understand why I'm upset. If I try to explain, he makes me feel too sensitive, like it wasn't that bad. He will apologies, try and cuddle me, be really helpful around the house.

The next day is a repeat, he wakes up in a foul mood, is horrible to be around, I feel like I'm treading eggshells, so on and so forth.

If I dare to call him out on his bad mood, it turns out it's actually ME in the bad mood, and I am the one with the problem.

It's exhausting, I've told him I don't want to do it anymore. He's taken that and decided I hate him, I'm going to get a new boyfriend and not let him see our daughter. He will then proceed to message and call until the early hours.

Help.

What do you need help with? You’ve ended the relationship today, and rightly so, now arrange contact times for him to see his daughter and move on.

Help with everything I have to endure after. The 'I want to die' and ' you don't care' the constant messages and phone calls throughout the night.

just response to texts about your DC. ignore everything else. Don't answer the phone if he calls.

Turn off your phone.

Turn the phone off in the evenings or block him overnight so he can’t disturb you. Don’t respond unless it’s something to do with your child. He will hopefully get the message eventually

Strong boundaries. You owe him nothing.

His messages are designed to play on your heart strings.
It's emotional blackmail.

"His messages are designed to play on your heart strings.
It's emotional blackmail."

This.... Defo this.....Block him....

Block. And if he continues, the police and ambulance are your friends depending on whether it's harassment or threats of self harm.

This is the hard bit right now, OP and it's difficult to envisage a time where you'll be past this but one day soon you will.

He's played on your emotions for so long, that walking on eggshells feeling? He'll be well aware that he's doing it but he doesn't care. When hes noce to you, thats the carrot so youll co ti ue to ensure the stick. The messages about wanting to die and accusing you of being heartless? That's all part of the same emotional manipulation. He's an emotional abuser who doesn't give a shit about your happiness.

Tell him that he can only contact you about contact arrangements for your child and information about the separation (e.g., division of assets) and any further emotional blackmail will be considered harassment and treated as such. If he threatens self-harm or suicide, call the police out to check on him but don't respond to it yourself.

Op if it gets really bad get another phone, message him and tell him you’ve changed your number and give him the new telephone number. Only turn this phone on for say an hour an evening or every other evening. If he’s with your daughter you can keep it on. It really helped me when I was dealing with an abusive ex.

OP, well done on leaving.

As you know, it's not over for him yet and you need to be incredibly resolute in no contact unless it's about your child. There are plenty of wise mners who will have been in this situation where a child is involved, to advise and support you.

He will keep playing his toxic mind games, tell you he'll kill himself and that you will be responsible for his death, or life of unhappiness etc. This is harassment. You do not owe him anything.

All the best.