Children at Wedding dilemma

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At the moment on our guest list we have 12 younger children (under 10 years old), plus 3 older children (ages 11 - 14).

They children are made up of x2 nieces who are our flower girls and the rest children of our cousins on both sides.

Some cousins I am close to and see them and their children often and others I’m not. Would it be strange to say that we aren’t inviting children under the age of 10 (apart from our flower girls)? Would this be unfair for the cousins who have some kids that are older and some who are younger?

I don’t want to say “no kids” as the 3 older children ages 10-15 we very much want there.

Sorry for the complicated message! 12 kids at a wedding just seems a lot 🫠

At least with 12 they'll play with each other rather than needing to be entertained!

Sorry but that seems a very convoluted way of cutting numbers. I think you either need to go no children blanket rule apart from flower girls or invite all.

Just invite them. You can't say to someone that they can bring their 11 year old but not their 8 year old. That's awful!

Ok you are right. Just needed someone to tell me 😂

Do any of the 11+ year olds or flower girls have siblings, you can't not invite them! I would try to include them all and negotiate with your venue for a cheaper child price

It’s either all of them or none of them.

I work in the wedding industry. One of the better ways I've seen of dealing with this is to have a wedding nanny service. I've seen them set up a quiet space in a side room with beanbags, Disney movies, dimmed lights and so on. Inevitably the children fall asleep on the beanbags.

That way no one is upset about it being a childfree wedding, there's no childcare issues, and the kids aren't getting under people's feet during the evening reception. It seems to work really well.

I think it’s awkward to not invite cousins’ children under 10 but invite their older siblings and young flower girls. I think you invite all or none. Will hotel do a cheaper price for their meal as no alcohol.

We had 10 kids at our wedding. It really isn't a lot, they disappear to play somewhere or fall asleep 😂I think 12 is fine.

In Ireland it's the norm that nieces and nephews of the bride and groom attend the ceremony, and depending on age, either stay for the meal & reception or get whisked off by babysitters. If you were a cousin then it's assumed you don't bring the kids.

My own wedding only had the niblings - but there were a lot of them! and because the youngest there was nearly 5, all ended up staying till almost the end. I'd highly recommend though if you do end up having a good few youngsters, get a bouncy castle. We did and we barely saw them all day save for going to the bar getting "rounds" of squash.

Then they hit the dance floor with inflatable instruments from Wish (which the adults also enjoyed!) The younger ones did flake by about 10pm on a sofa with their dads jacket thrown over them, and it reminded us all of the weddings we went to as kids. My wedding was very informal though, if it's a more formal one or one in a posh venue it might not work as well.

Just don’t invite the younger ones, you don’t need a ‘rule’ just leave them off the invite and invite the older kids.

It's your wedding and your choice. If I had an invite welcoming the older one and not the younger one I'd leave both with grandparents. I wouldn't bring one and not the other. You could end up with that situation so it depends how much you want the older ones there.

"Just don’t invite the younger ones, you don’t need a ‘rule’ just leave them off the invite and invite the older kids."

You'd be ok inviting your family members and only one of their 2 children simply on the basis that child is 8 and not 10?

Of course, younger kids are absolute nightmares at weddings sometimes.

Did it for my wedding, my niece was 15 so was invited, her sister (6) was definitely not

Also I thought it gives the parents a break to not have the younger kids there, as the older ones obviously don’t need looking after as much. But thanks for all the advice think I will just invite them all. The wedding isn’t until Christmas so I have a while off but invites will be going out this month. Thanks again?

We had about 10 children at our wedding. The youngest was 5 weeks, the eldest was 10 years. It was a big enough group that the kids who were old enough all entertained themselves. Most of them were related (cousins) but played nicely with the ones who weren't.

No issues with any of the kids, they were better behaved than some of the adults!

Our caterer fed 3 year olds and below for free. 4-10 year olds were half price.

No you either have them or not, splitting families is very unfair, especially if the younger children are upset they aren’t invited. They will be fine, get an entertainer if you’re worried, sure you can get a magician for a hundred quid or so. In the grand scheme of wedding budget that’s probably a small amount

"Also I thought it gives the parents a break to not have the younger kids there"

That's for them to decide. Sorting childcare is a ball ache, especially when half your relatives are at a wedding and your youngest is already upset and confused because their older sibling is allowed to go! Ffs 🤣

I would invite complete siblings sets - so if a there is a 12yo and a 5yo sibling set both get an invite, but a stand along 5yo, or a 8yo and 5yo neither do.

But in terms of allowing flower girls/page boys and not other young children I think most wedding guests understand the difference between those children very close to the couple (such as nieces and nephews) and those that are not (their cousins children who they have met once).

I don't have an issue with you inviting my older ones and not my younger ones. Only thing would be is that there would have been times that it would have meant that I couldn't go due to child care.

Happened to me as a child-my sister was invited and not me because she was 15yo and I was 12yo. I can't remember feeling any issues although I did ask her to bring me a piece of wedding cake back. Can't even remember if she did or not I was that bothered!

Try and think about it from the parents' point of view - and it may work differently for different families, depending on what childcare options they have and how far they have to travel. Some might even be relieved to leave the kids with relatives on the other side. I think splitting it so you only invite some siblings will not go down well, unless there's a sizeable gap.

We invited the younger cousins but not the older ones - they all had to cross the Irish sea, and the younger ones needed to come so their parents could, but the families with older ones were glad not to have to pay the fares!

We went to a wedding where some local friends supervised a room with crafts, games, TV, etc from the end of the ceremony until the start of the meal (after the speeches, I think). Those of us trying to catch up with friends we hadn't seen for ages were able to chat without worrying about the children (and the locals didn't mind missing that bit as they only knew the other locals, who they saw regularly). It worked very well.

Also I thought it gives the parents a break to not have the younger kids there, as the older ones obviously don’t need looking after as much.

Absolutely hate this! If you don’t want children there just own it, don’t pass it off as if your doing the parents a favour. It is far easier as parents for us to bring our children with us than trying to figure out childcare, if they are pestering and bothering us, that’s our problem. But chances are we wouldn’t see them for dust as they would be off dancing or playing with the other kids.

We had children at our wedding, all under 6. We had a bouncy castle for them (AND ME) and a kids table with activities, colouring books for them to keep busy.

If you're close to those cousins and their kids then of course you should invite them.

If there are cousins you are less close to and you don't know their kids then you shouldn't feel bullied into inviting them.

Your wedding, you're paying for it, so you choose the guests.

🥂👰🏻 Congratulations.