To ask if you would reconsider friendship...

[ToTheMax0]

Or if it even is a friendship...
At work, there is an older lady. We bonded as I helped her through some nasty workplace bullying. I supported her and was the only one who did not join in with it all.
She's confided in me a lot, talking about how awful the workplace is (she is set to leave soon) and often discusses other colleagues in a negative sense (as they do her).
Here is my problem. I feel like if she bitches about others then she will do to me as well. I feel like she is shirking her work duties and leaving me run ragged and constantly back late from breaks even up to half an hour when she knows I'm waiting to go for lunch myself.
She says lovely things to me, calls me outside of work and wants to take me out for lunch but I can't help but worry that it's not genuine and that she doesn't really like or respect me or my time. Aibu to question whether to keep in contact or not?

It sounds like she sees you as an ally against all the bullies, a safe person to air her grievances, so I don't necessarily think she'd be doing it behind your back too.

It's an issue that she's taking the P ref work duties and lunch breaks, possibly she's doing it as she's leaving soon anyway and doesn't feel any loyalty to the company anymore - ie she's not doing it personally against you.

If you want to go for lunch once she leaves and explore a possible friendship then do so, she may be a completely different and lovely person once she gets away from the work environment, or she may not, only one way to find out if you're willing.

She could be genuine but I wouldn't get too involved with her, take a step back and don't indulge her by listening to her if she gives out about the others. Im 50 now and believe me when i say i have often being taken for a fool, I often got sucked into listening to sob stories. Regarding her taking long breaks, are you her boss, could you say it to her, or does anyone else notice. That would really annoy me. If she's back late again have your coat on and tell her you missed an appointment because she was late and this cant go on. Im not great on confronting people because I always feel there is a reason but you know what, sometimes there are no reasons and they are just taking the piss. Hope you get it sorted, you seem lovely but honestly you need to be more assertive.

Im my experience proper friends can pull each other up over bad behaviour - tell her you’re fed up of her coming back from breaks late and that it affects when you can go for break and see how she responds - if she admits poor behaviour and apologises sincerely (and stops doing it) then I’d say you could give her a chance.

If, however, she minimises - makes excuses, denies her lateness or tries to gloss over it then you know she is selfish and not interested in a balanced relationship.

I'm not the boss unfortunately.
It's happened a few times now and I know I should be saying something but just feels awkward. Personally I just find it disrespectful as I wouldn't think of doing that to any other colleague and definitely not a friend. We are so busy at work right now which she is aware of.
Taking note of all the responses. Thank you.

Im probably being a bit harsh here but I think she has sort of ' groomed' you ( for want of a better word) so that you'll feel bad about bad mouthing her and so is is using your good nature to put up and shut up about her behaviour at work.

I really don't think she's your friend at all.

Did you actually witness the bullying? Could it have been triggered by the behaviour (from her) that you describe?

If she’s leaving soon, I would probably just gently pull her up on the being late from breaks and ignore the rest. Though I’d make sure I didn’t share any details of my personal life with her or make any noises about continuing the friendship outside work.

Shirking work isn’t entirely uncommon in people who are leaving and there’s nothing you can do about her possibly bad mouthing you in the future. There’s not much to be gained from trying to tackle this.

Regardless of how annoying or frustrating someone is I feel there shouldn't be a witch hunt mentality which I have seen here and which is very uncomfortable to witness.
It's never nice seeing someone be ridiculed by everyone and who other colleagues encourage it from each other like it seems it's just her that they target specifically.
But @GlassBunion I do worry that's the case.
I think I have felt sorry for her but not really thought about myself much in all this. It's OK to support someone but only if you are getting the same back and I don't think that's the case here. I think I just need to back off and see what she does. Hard when you work closely with someone though. Isn't nice when you are questioning someone like this. I mean she bought me a Christmas gift, can say some nice things but is it just for alterior motives as in keeping me on side. Distance is needed I think.

I don't know... It is horrible when people bitch about colleagues all the time, but she's probably checked out and just airing grievances she's been hanging on to, unable to say out loud until now.

I wouldn't put in tonnes of effort to stay in touch and it may just fizzle out naturally. If it's just her seeing you as her protector against the bullying, then she may not bother with you when she leaves (which would be shitty of her, but at least you'd have your answer). But I wouldn't assume it's impossible to have a friendship. You might be able to if you actually want to.

IME, not many work friends end up as proper friends.