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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What motivates people to comment on a stranger?

43 replies

Whatafool123 · 17/01/2023 14:12

I was walking to the station this morning, carrying a cup of coffee, and as a man walked past me, he said: "Cheers, Bubba". There was nobody else around he could have been speaking to. He kept walking and by the time I had fully realised what he had said and that he must have been speaking to me, he was a fair way off.

As far as I can tell, the word "Bubba" when applied to a stranger at least, is a comment on their size. I am overweight, so that would make sense.

Why on earth would he have felt the need to say anything though? I did find the comment mildly upsetting, so he has made my morning slightly less pleasant than it could have been, for what purpose exactly?

OP posts:
PAFMO · 17/01/2023 14:13

#thishappened.

quinceh · 17/01/2023 14:15

I don't know what motivates people to comment on strangers generally, but 'bubba' sounds more like a casual term of endearment (like 'bab') than a reference to weight.

SleeplessInEngland · 17/01/2023 14:16

I wouldn't infer 'bubba' to be about weight, but I've no doubt certain men are more likely to talk to women they don't know than men they don't know.

ShirleyPhallus · 17/01/2023 14:16

I’d have thought blubber would mean overweight but bubba means babe / baby?

Anyway, I hate people commenting randomly. Mind your own business

RoseslnTheHospital · 17/01/2023 14:17

Could he have been talking to someone on a mobile phone? If not, then it's a question of their mental health and/or understanding of appropriate behaviour. For some, it might be a sense of entitlement, that they expect other people to be interested in what they have to say. Or, they're actively unpleasant and enjoy taking their frustrations out on anyone else.

Flapjackquack · 17/01/2023 14:17

I would have seen it as a term like “love or sweetheart”. Not a fan of those from a stranger either but wouldn’t consider it a weight comment and I too am overweight.

MaizeBlouse · 17/01/2023 14:18

I would've taken 'bubba' as babe/bab as others have said. But i get the annoyance of random man comments, even though theyre often supposedly harmless and good natured.

SlashBeef · 17/01/2023 14:19

Are you sure he wasn't on a phonecall with earphones in? It's random way of insulting someone it it was aimed at you..

Skinnermarink · 17/01/2023 14:20

I live in a town populated by a lot of very vocal crackheads and drunks. If I paid heed to anything they randomly said to me as I passed by I’d never leave the house.

Pseudonamed · 17/01/2023 14:22

Bubba is used instead of baby for a child or small kid in australia.

Are you sure he didnt have airpods in his ears and was talking to someone else?

brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr · 17/01/2023 14:23

surely on the phone with airpods or summat ?

fazebook · 17/01/2023 14:23

He may have been on the phone but random men feeling entitled to comment on what women look like/are doing is a common thing.

I've started a zero tolerance approach to that and robustly challenge anyone commenting on me or my daughters on the spot. I've noticed they back away quickly 😂

Original poster
Whatafool123 · 17/01/2023 14:31

Hadn't thought of airpods tbh. Perhaps it says more about my over-sensitivity than anything 🙂. Very, very unlikely to have meant "babe", unless he has a thing for tubby, middle-aged women, which is possible, I guess.

Thanks for the replies anyway. I guess it is an improvement on "get your tits out, luv", which I used to enjoy as a teenager in the 80s (usually in school uniform).

OP posts:
Original poster
Whatafool123 · 17/01/2023 14:32

fazebook · 17/01/2023 14:23

He may have been on the phone but random men feeling entitled to comment on what women look like/are doing is a common thing.

I've started a zero tolerance approach to that and robustly challenge anyone commenting on me or my daughters on the spot. I've noticed they back away quickly 😂

Absolutely the right approach. I always think of what I should have said a couple of hours after whatever it is has happened unfortunately. Need to improve my response time.

OP posts:
MissWings · 17/01/2023 14:47

It’s not an offensive term. Bubs, babs, babba quite common my neck of the woods.

mumonthehill · 17/01/2023 14:51

I was in M and S once and i had taken a sale dress off the rail and was holding it up against myself. A random lady came up to me and said " that dress is amazing and i have to tell you that you would look amazing in it" i was rather taken a back but bought the dress and every time i wear it i think of that nice lady! So sometimes people do do nice gestures out of no where!

Untitledsquatboulder · 17/01/2023 14:54

I must admit "cheers bubba" sounds like an innocuous passing greeting rather than a personal comment.

Diffuserqueen · 17/01/2023 14:57

Don’t know what you googled but when I google urban dictionary says it means friend or pal, as in cheers friend or cheers pal

i suspect you’ve misunderstood a cheery pleasantry

itswednesdayy · 17/01/2023 14:58

I normally drive everywhere and barely leave my house much these days aside from work or outings with my partner.

however I travelled alone via train this weekend and there were loads of men that randomly approached me like this. Not to stop and chat, just to utter something mundane as they walk past. I just assume they like hearing their own voice? I didn’t acknowledge them or respond. Just turned the music volume up on my AirPods.

ODFOx · 17/01/2023 15:09

Oh God, I am one of those people: I smile and say hello to people when I'm out for a walk and I compliment strangers often.
I hope I don't cause offence. Usually people smile!

Mamai90 · 17/01/2023 15:11

quinceh · 17/01/2023 14:15

I don't know what motivates people to comment on strangers generally, but 'bubba' sounds more like a casual term of endearment (like 'bab') than a reference to weight.

This.

It's more a term of endearment, a variation of baby though not quite as creepy!

itswednesdayy · 17/01/2023 15:13

ODFOx · 17/01/2023 15:09

Oh God, I am one of those people: I smile and say hello to people when I'm out for a walk and I compliment strangers often.
I hope I don't cause offence. Usually people smile!

It’s not this which people find weird though - you’re just nice. I was waiting for a train & a random man was telling me to smile, and another thought I was about to go out out and said not to drink too much…I was literally on the way home.

Flapjackquack · 17/01/2023 15:17

itswednesdayy · 17/01/2023 15:13

It’s not this which people find weird though - you’re just nice. I was waiting for a train & a random man was telling me to smile, and another thought I was about to go out out and said not to drink too much…I was literally on the way home.

Show quote history

Yes I agree - “smile love it might never happen” = misogynistic and creepy.

“Your hair looks fab” = nice and friendly. Although could also be seen as creepy depending how it’s said, but as long as you aren’t leering over the person, probably fine.

Pleasepleasepleaseno · 17/01/2023 15:19

Honestly I think.youre being a bit paranoid. It's an odd thing to.say but if he was trying to.insult your weight he'd have said "cheers fatty" or something surely? If you're enough of a dick to.want to.insult ramdom people surely you'd want them to know or what's the point? (I admit I can't see the point either way though!)

girlfriend44 · 17/01/2023 15:22

ODFOx · 17/01/2023 15:09

Oh God, I am one of those people: I smile and say hello to people when I'm out for a walk and I compliment strangers often.
I hope I don't cause offence. Usually people smile!

carry on what your doing? its ok and its nice.