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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Does anyone have positive experience with lodgers ?

36 replies

Cinammonroll · 17/01/2023 10:55

My partner is interested in us taking one to save money, which I agree would be helpful.
I think I'm just worried as I really like my own space. Don't want to go back to essentially flat sharing, it really depends, there's some nice people I've lived with in the past and who you can bump into in the kitchen and have a nice chat with etc.
My partner says we could all cook together and share groceries etc.
Honestly I just like my own space, I like coming in from work and relaxing and being on my own.
I'm just introverted and quiet.
Has anybody got successful experience of it?

OP posts:
SummaLuvin · 18/01/2023 09:56

my brother-in-law was a lodger for around 2-3 months, he could not have been more conscientious and respectful, and even so I found him wearing after a time. I think once you are used to your own space and routines it becomes very difficult to live with someone who you otherwise wouldn't really choose.

TrickyD · 18/01/2023 10:21

My friend would say she had a very positive experience with her lodger. He was here from the far east studying construction at our local college.
We often tease them about how exactly lodger became lover. They have been happily married for forty years.

Probably the OP should not rely on this happening to her, what with a DH on the scene.

Cherry85 · 18/01/2023 22:41

Depending on how big the rooms are you could rent a room as a bedsit? So they don't have use of other parts of the house but have a bed / sofa / mini kitchen in one room.

Also - if you have a room with an ensuite, give them this and you use main bathroom. Keeps them totally contained.

WinterFoxes · 18/01/2023 22:44

TrickyD · 18/01/2023 10:21

My friend would say she had a very positive experience with her lodger. He was here from the far east studying construction at our local college.
We often tease them about how exactly lodger became lover. They have been happily married for forty years.

Probably the OP should not rely on this happening to her, what with a DH on the scene.

I know three men who started out as lodgers and ended up marrying their landladies!

LastOfTheChristmasWine · 19/01/2023 00:06

I've currently got a lodger, and have had several previously (and before that I house-shared, which I never hated).

Firstly, big fat NO to sharing meals. I can guarantee that you will have different tastes, skill levels, budgets and dinner times to the lodger. It's a recipe for disaster (pun intended). Each cook your own meals. I make it a rule that the lodger has to provide anything of theirs that needs washing up after each use (pans, cutlery etc) but we share other things (toaster, kettle, etc.) as it avoids conflict. Lodger gets their own shelf in the fridge and freezer. Don't try and ban the lodger from the lounge as a PP suggested - no one wants to be made to feel unwelcome, and it's not going to store up goodwill.

It is a bit like flat-sharing BUT there's a very different power dynamic, as you essentially have the upper hand. I try to treat my lodgers as equally as possible, but there is always a power imbalance. One of the reasons for this is that they are excluded occupiers, not tenants, and have very few rights - if it's not working out you can give 'reasonable notice' (a month, normally) and end the arrangement.

To dip your toes in the water, consider having your first lodger as someone who only needs a room short term, for a month or two. It will allow you to see how you feel about it, without having to feel guilty about evicting someone if it doesn't work out, as there is a natural end date. Some people prefer to have a string of short-term lodgers as they never get their feet under the table, as it were, though the disadvantage of short-term lodgers is that they're often coming straight from their usual hometown (I even picked one up from the airport once) so you don't get to meet them beforehand.

www.spareroom.co.uk is the main site for finding a lodger; the nice thing about it is that you can browse the adverts that potential lodgers write about themselves and get an idea of what's out there.

If you do decide to advertise your spare room, my advice would be to be super upfront about everything. If that puts some people off, that's fine, those are the people you want to put off. Things like any planned building work, your cat with an attitude problem, your need for daytime quiet because you work nightshifts, your passion for yodelling... put it in. You may get lucky and find a vet nurse who works the 9-5 and has a passion for music (or is profoundly deaf...)

Itsonlyagame · 19/01/2023 00:19

I had 3 lodgers over the years. All men, all fantastic lodgers. 2 were Monday to Friday, one was full time. Honestly had no issues whatsoever with any of them. I advertised on spare room and went very much by gut instinct.

whytesnow · 19/01/2023 00:31

I have one just now she's amazing she doesn't use any of my things very clean and paying my mortgage while am coming out of debt

VincaBlue · 19/01/2023 01:00

Does your dh want a male or female lodger?

JimDixon · 19/01/2023 12:26

VincaBlue · 19/01/2023 01:00

Does your dh want a male or female lodger?

Because if female, LTB!!!

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 19/01/2023 12:27

KettrickenSmiled · 17/01/2023 11:18

My partner says we could all cook together and share groceries etc.

Beware your partner conjuring an imaginary Dream Lodger who won't live up to his naive expectations. They are there to rent a room & facilities off you, not become your partner's new best friend. They might now want to share cooking & groceries. They might expect you to work to a rota about who can be in the kitchen at specific times - & they'd be well within their rights to do so.

How keen are you on going along with this, & how much extra money does it actually mean you could save?

That bit sounded more like he wants to move in a mate, a girlfriend, etc. As though home life with OP is boring.

JimDixon · 19/01/2023 12:29

I think in some circumstances it's fine to exclude the lodger from the lounge. When I was in my mid-20s, I lodged with a couple in their 50s. I could never have imagined hanging out with them in the lounge of an evening while they watched TV, or thinking I could force them from that room.

Similarly now I have a lodger myself, in a flat, I've found that giving lounge access causes problems. Since my lodgers are typically half my age, it's hard to find someone I can genuinely share a room with! So either they will take the room over (sometimes in a confidently friendly way, but still!), or they will be scared to come in / not want to have to spend that much time talking to me anyway. So, it's easier just not to include that room. There's still no shortage of takers - though I'm in London....

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