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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I reading too much into it?

33 replies

Parentswriting · 17/01/2023 10:24

I recently started a new job and I work with a woman I went to school with over 30 years ago.

We were great friends back then…going out to do’s and parties etc but then life has happened and we’ve all moved on with families and husbands and new lives etc..gradually drifting apart as you do.

We were all talking in the office about words we disliked and we had the usual ones of moist etc and I mentioned that I didn’t like the word bitch…no rhyme or reason - I just don’t like it.

Fast forward to today. It happens to be my birthday and this work colleague/old school friend has sent me a card. All well and good until I opened it. (See images below)

I guess my AIBU is

a) am I reading more into this than necessary and it’s just a card
or
b) has she hunted it out especially from all the cards in the shop she could have chosen and is there an underlying message?

I would be interested in your reasoning for your vote also?

TIA

Am I reading too much into it?
Am I reading too much into it?
OP posts:
Babyclb · 17/01/2023 10:26

Maybe she thought it was funny based on the conversation?

Its not really an ‘underlying message’ if you think she’s actually calling you a bitch. I’m sure someone who actually thinks you are a bitch isn’t going to go out of their way to buy you a birthday card.
Lighten up.

untilgertie · 17/01/2023 10:30

It's light hearted and means another birthday has come around.

WaddleAway · 17/01/2023 10:34

If she thought you were a bitch I doubt she’d buy you a birthday card. She probably just thought it was funny.

BatshitBanshee · 17/01/2023 10:35

The bitch in this scenario is the birthday fairy who has come round once again. It's lighthearted.

I think you are reading too much into it, I don't store pointless info about other people such as their least favourite word and I doubt your friend does either.

"Oh my god my old friend has given me a card with my least favourite word in it ever! How dare she!"

See how ridiculous that sounds.

HPLikecraft · 17/01/2023 10:40

She was trying to make you laugh. I think she thought the fact that it included a word she knows you dislike would make it funnier.
She was trying to be nice!

GetYourOwnTeaTiger · 17/01/2023 10:43

Maybe she's gently teasing you with that card based on the conversation you have had or maybe it's just a random card. If she otherwise isn't behaving strangely I wouldn't read anything into it.

Happy birthday!!

(What is wrong with moist???)😮

purpledalmation · 17/01/2023 10:52

Wouldn't worry me. Quite jokey

vicaragechristmas · 17/01/2023 10:55

Might she have forgotten the conversation? I’m actually against the majority here - I don’t think you’re unreasonable to feel unsettled by it. I would avoid getting friends cards of something they don’t like, especially for birthdays.

Either she’s a bit insensitive and thought it was funny, or it is a bit of a dig, or she forgot. I’d be inclined to think/hope it would be one of the more positive of those three but I can see why it might prey on your mind.

ChristmasJumpers · 17/01/2023 10:58

It sounds like she was just joking with you. The same as someone thinking it's funny to say the word 'moist' to people who don't like it. I don't see anything sinister

Glitterybee · 17/01/2023 11:01

Sorry but YANBU, she is an absolute bitch sending this and knows exactly what she’s doing.

I’s watch her if I was you….

Can’t believe most people think YABU

WaddleAway · 17/01/2023 11:03

Glitterybee · 17/01/2023 11:01

Sorry but YANBU, she is an absolute bitch sending this and knows exactly what she’s doing.

I’s watch her if I was you….

Can’t believe most people think YABU

What is she doing?

HPLikecraft · 17/01/2023 11:05

WaddleAway · 17/01/2023 11:03

What is she doing?

Show quote history

I’m also wondering what she’s doing!

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 17/01/2023 11:07

Bitch isn't directed at you it's the birthday fairy. She is having a joke with you.

VivX · 17/01/2023 11:07

I would take that as a joke in the context of your previous conversation. Think nothing terrible of it and be thankful you have a card.
Life is too short to overthink this.

Also, Happy Birthday!

Amadeaa · 17/01/2023 11:08

I think you’re reading too much into it. She probably didn’t remember the conversation - or did, and thought it’s funny. I wouldn’t have thought that I’d offend anyone with this card.

Craghopper1 · 17/01/2023 11:09

The bitch in this scenario isn't you, it's the 'birthday fairy'

Holdmycoat · 17/01/2023 11:11

I think she has sent it because you told her you don't like that word. She has done it for a joke and is being ironic i think, I'm guessing she is trying to get back some of the humour you both possibly shared in your younger days.

YuleLog22 · 17/01/2023 11:13

I think it's just gentle teasing if anything. It reminds of a similar scenario where we were talking about food we hate and I was going on about my hatred for baked beans and custard. Roll on Christmas and my secret Santa gift included a tin of beans and a carton of custard Grin I saw the funny side

Suzi888 · 17/01/2023 11:14

Glitterybee · 17/01/2023 11:01

Sorry but YANBU, she is an absolute bitch sending this and knows exactly what she’s doing.

I’s watch her if I was you….

Can’t believe most people think YABU

I would think this too. That card would take some hunting down. If I’d gotten it as a joke I’d say something when I handed it over.

Is she ok in other ways? If so, I wouldn’t make a big of it.

Bamboozle123 · 17/01/2023 11:15

Glitterybee · 17/01/2023 11:01

Sorry but YANBU, she is an absolute bitch sending this and knows exactly what she’s doing.

I’s watch her if I was you….

Can’t believe most people think YABU

Must be very lonely to have this level of paranoia about completely innocuous interactions

WaddleAway · 17/01/2023 11:15

Suzi888 · 17/01/2023 11:14

I would think this too. That card would take some hunting down. If I’d gotten it as a joke I’d say something when I handed it over.

Is she ok in other ways? If so, I wouldn’t make a big of it.

Show quote history

What do you think she’s doing, if you agree with the PP? I’m genuinely confused here.

Saintasaurus · 17/01/2023 11:19

It’s a joke, see it as a positive thing that she obviously is so comfortable with you as an old friend that she can joke about a word everyone knows you don’t like.. If you decide to pull her up on it she’ll likely think you are closer to being what it says on the card.

Coffeellama · 17/01/2023 11:23

It’s clearly a joke and you are over thinking. Would you have been as bothered if your hated work was moist and the card said that?

FloydPepper · 17/01/2023 11:26

Saintasaurus · 17/01/2023 11:19

It’s a joke, see it as a positive thing that she obviously is so comfortable with you as an old friend that she can joke about a word everyone knows you don’t like.. If you decide to pull her up on it she’ll likely think you are closer to being what it says on the card.

This. She’s trying to regain a closer friendship by not only sending a card, but gently teasing around a word you don’t like, kind of an in joke. It’s not an insult to you.

id also like to know what the other poster thinks she is actually doing.

Elfidela1980 · 17/01/2023 11:36

Happy birthday OP. I voted YANBU cos fellow over-thinker here, I go through agonies over stuff like this, once had to bin a card I was writing because I was worried what I wrote might be taken the wrong way!

That said if I actually thought someone was a bitch I wouldn’t bother getting them a birthday card full stop and I definitely wouldn’t buy them one that might be interpreted as me calling them a bitch! I would buy it for a pal who hated the word though; I know my mate thinks I talk about my cats too much (cos she tells me) so this Christmas I gave her a card from the cats with pop-up cats on it (she laughed, phew).

If it’s bugging you, you could say ‘ha what are you like, how long have I got to find a card with (your hated word) on it’ and see what she says. Sounds more like she was doing a wee in-joke with you, which is a friendly overture. But only you know what your day-to-day interactions are like.