To feel like I care a little less about things?

[Tresfren]

Not sure if it's post-pandemic antisocial feeling or compassion fatigue or the effect of some personal difficulties last year, but I really feel like a less caring and friendly person compared to a few years ago.

I feel much more insular and sometimes like my kindness/ friendly button has been switched off. It's a horrible thing to admit. I never go out of my way to be nasty or anything like that but I just find myself less bothered about making/ having friends or keeping tired old friendships going whereas before I was much more bothered and made more effort.

For example I have a friend I kept in touch with and follow on Instagram but in the past year its dawned on me we have 0 in common these days and so I've kept in touch much less (as has she) to the point were now just each others followers on socials. A few years ago I would have really wanted to hold onto such a friendship and keep it going at all costs but now I just think why bother?

I also moved to a new area a year ago and in the past when I moved somewhere new, I immediately joined clubs or found gatherings to tag on too and make friends (often not very good ones in the end admittedly). This time I've not gone out of my way. I do a few activities and happily chit chat to neighbours in the local pub quiz but I'm not desperate to be anyone's friend for the sake of it.

I also just don't feel particularly interested in other people, which sounds so awful and self-absorbed. It's like I've learnt to be very self sufficient and require less social interaction/ validation but it also feels very insular and potentially unhealthy.

Could it just be part of getting older with less need to be 'liked' and happy to accept things as they are? That seems more palatable than becoming an unfriendly cow!

In a way its quite liberating to feel less bothered but I feel like i should open up a little more and make more of an effort too.

I think it's just getting older and priorities changing to what you actually want out of life rather than what you have been doing until now.

I'd say it's a bit of everything you've identified. Covid maybe triggered the process , then you moved combined with being older. I'm a bit the same these days. I like to see people every few weeks , but I keep my circle small and to people who meet my standards. Sounds a bit snooty, but definitely quality over quantity with friendships these days.

I have this kind of apathy, OP. For me personally, I think it’s partly my depression, and partly just because I started to hate the chaos of life and just want down time and peace more now, it’s not so overwhelming. I can’t be arsed with anything!

I guess I feel a bit the same and I've been thinking about why.

It's partly an energy thing- I genuinely don't have as much zip as I did now that I'm in my 50s. I'm much older than most at work. I do have good friends locally based on parenting and old school/uni friends, and I expect to keep seeing them. But I'm much more ruthless about prioritising what I want to do, and making new friends isn't really in those priorities.

Having said that, I saw an old friend at the weekend and we were a bit at odds at first, but by the end I remembered just how lovely she can be and it was so good to spend time with her.

It's fine to have boundaries but it's possible just to get out of the habit of being with people and I do think it's a mistake to let that get too set in.