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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel pathetic continuing asking for money back

44 replies

WorriedMum13 · 16/01/2023 17:13

I recently used my credit card to purchase tickets for a show for myself and 3 friends. F1 paid instantly, F2 said she would drop the money to me (no online banking apparently which I find hard to believe), F3 said nothing.

We went to the show, no mention of the money, but I was enjoying the night and forgot to ask.

A few weeks later I meet F2 for lunch at a cafe, she mentions she owes me for the tickets so would pay for my lunch - this was maybe £8-£10 max.

I messaged F3 recently asking for the money, she says she will get this to me soon but no mention of when.

Tickets were £45 each so currently £90 out of pocket (£80 if we deduct lunch). I feel like I'm somehow in the wrong for continuing to ask for the money back.

AIBU and should drop it, or do I keep asking/reminding them what I'm owed?

OP posts:

Original poster

WorriedMum13 · 03/04/2023 13:56

I kept meaning to post an update.

F2 paid back the next day.

F3 still not paid back and I doubt they ever will as they no longer open my messages.

OP posts:

Lengokengo · 03/04/2023 14:04

Well done on getting F2 to send money back.

F3 is no friend and your friendship is probably over ( not your fault), but you can use her as an experiment. If she doesn’t open messages, then involve a third party to chase her. People hate nl looking bad in front of someone else. ‘Confide in a mutual friend and an what they would do/ if they can ask her/ show concern over her finances. Once someone else is involved, it may unlock the cash. At least you are signaling her lack of paying back, which means others won’t lend to her.

jannier · 03/04/2023 14:08

Hi...Hun...hate to ask but I'm really struggling and the £45 you owe me would help massively can I pop around and get it tomorrow

xogossipgirlxo · 03/04/2023 14:22

WorriedMum13 · 03/04/2023 13:56

I kept meaning to post an update.

F2 paid back the next day.

F3 still not paid back and I doubt they ever will as they no longer open my messages.

Wow, I hope she thinks 30 quid for ticket was worth the friendship. Some people...

SpeckledlyHen · 03/04/2023 14:24

SerenaTee · 16/01/2023 17:29

I’d set up a group chat with the three of you and say “Hi guys, thought it easier to set up a group chat so I’m not sending the same message twice. Here are my bank details again, F3 you owe £45 and F2 is just £35 as you bought my lunch the other day. Please settle up by Wednesday as I’m going to get charged interest if I don’t clear the balance by the end of the week. Thanks”

Exactly this.

ginghamstarfish · 03/04/2023 14:29

You're well rid of that one, OP!

Original poster

WorriedMum13 · 03/04/2023 14:30

I reached out to her and explained that as I'm currently on statutory maternity pay I couldn't let it go.

To make it worse, F3 is actually a family member. Others in the family are aware. She even borrowed then paid back my sister recently.

We aren't struggling financially so it does sometime feel petty I've not let this go but I'm so annoyed with her attitude of ignoring me until it goes away.

OP posts:

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 03/04/2023 14:31

I had something similar happen with concert tickets. Friend 1 paid Friend 2 didn't and stopped texting and looked unhappy if she ran into me. As good fortune would have it Friend 1 and I had been struggling with ending the friendship and this did it for us.

Try and see it as a win, you paid X amount to lose a terrible person from your life.

xogossipgirlxo · 03/04/2023 14:59

WorriedMum13 · 03/04/2023 14:30

I reached out to her and explained that as I'm currently on statutory maternity pay I couldn't let it go.

To make it worse, F3 is actually a family member. Others in the family are aware. She even borrowed then paid back my sister recently.

We aren't struggling financially so it does sometime feel petty I've not let this go but I'm so annoyed with her attitude of ignoring me until it goes away.

She will come back, then you can use it against her. And I'm not being petty. My husband's brother didn't pay him back 50 quid, my husband let it go after numerous requests, and now he came asking for 3 grand he's missing to buy a car. My husband told him no, because of the 50 quid he didn't pay back. As you can see, she likes to borrow money, so it's probably not the last time it will happen.

Ktime · 03/04/2023 15:02

WorriedMum13 · 03/04/2023 14:30

I reached out to her and explained that as I'm currently on statutory maternity pay I couldn't let it go.

To make it worse, F3 is actually a family member. Others in the family are aware. She even borrowed then paid back my sister recently.

We aren't struggling financially so it does sometime feel petty I've not let this go but I'm so annoyed with her attitude of ignoring me until it goes away.

Well she’s sold her soul for £45. Pity her and refuse to buy her so much as a bottle of water in future.

No favours for her ever.

Lottapianos · 03/04/2023 15:06

I've been burned in a similar situation before. I will never ever again be the helpful person (mug) who offers to book stuff on my card and let everyone else pay, or not, in their own sweet time

Some people are very diligent with this and pay you back immediately, but they seem to be in the minority sadly

mackthepony · 03/04/2023 15:07

This is utterly unforgivable in their part.

I'd be getting the money and going low contact

Cornishclio · 03/04/2023 15:09

The answer is you don't invite her anywhere again. Shame it is a family member but maybe they think that means they don't need to pay. Are they strapped financially?

mummymeister · 03/04/2023 15:11

is she a family member that you see at other events or just a distant one? TBH I would be tempted to let it go now but write her a letter (she cant fail to open that and see it can she!) saying how sad you are that for the sake of £45 she is prepared to end your friendship. then block her on everything and when she does crawl out of the woodwork in a few months/years time (they always do) asking for money from you then you tell her loudly why. you wont fall for this again and its a shame that some people are so happy to steal other peoples money.

DrManhattan · 03/04/2023 15:13

Also don't buy the tickets next time! It's someone else's turn

AdoraBell · 03/04/2023 15:17

Don’t drop it, message as suggested by pp.

WildFlowerBees · 03/04/2023 15:17

I'd let it go now but keep in burned in your brain and never lend her anything or do her any favours again. Never.

Merangutan · 03/04/2023 15:28

I wouldn’t let it go. Why on earth should you?! It wasn’t a gift. It was also never given on the understanding it could be repaid whenever she decided she could be arsed. It needs repaying. Ask again and tell her you are surprised that you need to keep asking for this money as you always repay money people immediately to avoid embarrassment. The CF.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 03/04/2023 15:31

That’s so shitty of F3. Has it ruined the friendship? I don’t get how people behave that way. I’d feel so bad.

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