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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel embarrassed about my cooking

28 replies

Cinammonroll · 16/01/2023 15:27

I don't know why, I shouldn't. I just wonder if my partner and I aren't compatible in this aspect..
I can make the staples, curries, Bolognese, I can make my own pizza bases. Lasagne, stir fries etc. And I'm good at baking.
I can make this, however sometimes I also just like to put a pizza in the oven, beans on toast, have a McDonald's or whatever, not every day though.
My partner hates anything like McDonald's, oven pizzas and so on. He's massively into seafood and fish which I'm not at all, I don't mind squid but that's it, and cod.
He's a good cook and makes all sort of obscure, Michelin-worthy dishes from various cultures, which is great.
Sometimes I worry we're incompatible or I'm just inadequate.
He told me before that most of his friends are really passionate about cooking. I do like cooking, but I wouldn't say it's my main passion. I suppose he wouldn't be with me if he didn't want to but I do feel inadequate in this area.

OP posts:
ACynicalDad · 16/01/2023 15:28

Let him do more cooking, you do more of other things.

LeafHunter · 16/01/2023 15:31

You’re over thinking this. It’s fine for one person to enjoy, or be better at, or have skills in an area that the other doesn’t. I love cooking, DH is ambivalent. DH love cycling. I hate it. Isn’t that just normal in a relationship.

ErrolTheDragon · 16/01/2023 15:32

Everyone doesn't have the same interests and aptitudes, likes and dislikes. Sounds like you can complement each other in the kitchen - you can do the 'standard' stuff, he can do the fancier items. If he wants a seafood feast he can make it, and you can have your pizza or McDonalds instead.

FOJN · 16/01/2023 15:34

For many people cooking is a necessity. They want decent tasty food but producing it is not a passion for them, more often it's a chore.You shouldn't feel inadequate because you don't have the same hobby as your partner. Let him crack on with the posh cooking and don't feel pressured to match his enthusiasm for it. If he's unhappy with the food you cook then he can take it on permanently.

Original poster
Cinammonroll · 16/01/2023 15:35

Thanks you have already made me feel better.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 16/01/2023 15:38

I love cooking, make obscure things and can ponce about in the kitchen for hours. DH can make passable curries and the like.

I'd HATE him doing the same as me. Touching my Szechuan pepper and getting into my harissa with his grubby hands. Yuk Grin

JonahAndTheSnail · 16/01/2023 15:48

I don't think it matters, it's not like you have to eat the same meals as your partner all the time. My DH only really eats beige food with boiled veg, I'd be really bored if I had to eat that everyday.

Sunshineandflipflops · 16/01/2023 16:01

I think there’s room for both-I love seafood and more ‘exotic’ dishes but sometimes, I like to just put a pizza in the oven too.

last night I made me and the dc a spaghetti carbonara from scratch, the night before we had fillet steak, crushed potatoes and roasted tomatoes and tonight we’re having sausage and chips 😂

I don’t live with my partner but to be honest, he’s happy with what he gets when I cook for him as his repertoire consists of curry and chilli (both too runny for my liking)!

Petesbowtie9 · 16/01/2023 16:05

Sounds like you are a great match - there will be things you are better at than him!

GerbilsForever24 · 16/01/2023 16:07

I think it might be a problem if you refuse to eat the things he cooks. I try to be flexible with what I prepare for Dh and if he really doesn't like something, don't make it, or adapt to suit him - eg he's not really a sauce kind of guy so I long ago stopped bothering with exotic sauces most of the time, especially anything with cream and butter which he sees as the devil's own work. But I'd get pretty depressed pretty quickly if he was constantly refusing to eat whatever I made.

But assuming you're happy to enjoy it, then why do you have to be the same?

DH also doesn't really like fancy restaurants. So I tend to do those with my girlfriends. I do wish sometimes he'd like t more. It's been easier the last few years when the kids are small as most of the time we need to socialise separately anyway!

ghjklo · 16/01/2023 16:10

does he eat / like your cooking? is he a food snob?

Aprilx · 16/01/2023 16:11

I don’t think unequal cooking skills means an incompatibility.

I like to crochet, my husband does not, it doesn’t make us incompatible. I think some shared interests help with compatibility though, for example we both like to travel and we have had a couple of stints living overseas. But cooking, like crochet really doesn’t need to be a shared interest or outlook.

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 16/01/2023 16:12

You sound like most people. Happy to cook most of the time, like a bit of convenience food some of the time.

And that’s fine.

I like cooking too but I’m also partial to a takeaway, or to bung it in the oven stuff like chicken kiev and oven chips.

Does your boyfriend chastise you when you eat McDonalds or are you just imagining his disappointment? You don't need to be similar in every way. That would be dull.

FuckabethFuckor · 16/01/2023 16:14

Look at it this way; the two of you are a team. He's got skills, you've got skills. Those skills probably overlap in some ways, and differ in others. This is a good thing! If the two of you were identically good at the same things your lives would be incredibly boring.

Clarich007 · 16/01/2023 16:15

Wow, just be grateful he cooks at all.That would be like a holiday for me.
Would love to have my own chef😁

LynetteScavo · 16/01/2023 16:16

I'm like you, but then I would struggle the time to whip up Michelin Star style food.

My DH really can't cook (except pancakes, he's mastered those!) but it doesn't mean we're incompatible, it just means I'm more likely to do the cooking.

Get your partner to crack on with his fabulous cooking, and sit back and enjoy it.

Bluestripeys · 16/01/2023 16:16

I absolutely love food, cooking and trying new recipes. My husband can feed himself, likes plain and basic foods, never tries anything new and hates cooking. We are happily married and have been for decades. It’s not an issue, please don’t feel inadequate over it, it doesn’t make you a ‘worse’ or ‘lesser’ person or anything so there’s nothing to feel inadequate about.

gratedcheeseislife · 16/01/2023 16:20

My husband loves to cook and I will do it if forced when he's working late but my limit is a basic lasagne or a chilli. I also don't like seafood and struggle with most meats whereas he eats absolutely everything and likes to experiment. We often eat separate meals one day on the weekends if he wants one of his fancy dinners that I don't like and I'll bung some flipper dippers in the oven. Been together 14 years and never been a problem Smile Nothing to be embarrassed about!

FlowerArranger · 16/01/2023 16:21

Just eat his food, say thank you and tell him it's delicious. Watch Masterchef the Professionals with him and casually mention "this look delicious - fancy trying this?". Give him obscure or hyped cookery books (think Ottolenghi or Nepalese foraging...) for his birthdays. Sorted!

CornishGem1975 · 16/01/2023 16:22

I can make this, however sometimes I also just like to put a pizza in the oven, beans on toast, have a McDonald's or whatever, not every day though.

Snap, and I consider myself a pretty good cook. Love to cook, research meals, ingredients, plan etc but some days, yep I want a chippy tea or poached eggs on toast. Nothing to be embarrassed about!

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 16/01/2023 16:23

Dh does 99.9999% of cooking for our family. He is good at it and enjoys it and plans for it. While i can cook I'm the sort of person who gets to 6pm and thinks "oh fuck I need to feed the dc". Dh is, however, crap at cleaning bathrooms and seems to have no idea that dirt can ever build up anywhere other than a kitchen worktop. It is OK to be different and OK to balance each other in a relationship and have different "roles".

DillDanding · 16/01/2023 16:23

I can cook but I find it a bore and a chore.

My husband is passionate about food and cooking. He’s a fantastic cook so he does all of it, plus all the meal planning and shopping. Simple.

NSA2103 · 16/01/2023 16:28

If you can cook that long list, you definitely aren't my ex - she was so sh1t at cooking she once set fire to a jacket potato in the microwave.
And she burnt peas quite regularly.

thaegumathteth · 16/01/2023 16:30

My husband is a keen golfer and I hate golf. We've been together 22 years.

Don't over think everything.

DadANDPK · 16/01/2023 16:49

Why are you giving so much head space to this?

you can cook well enough to feed you both, quite a variety.

whwn he said most of his friends are passionate about cooking I'd have said 'that's great! Hope they invite us over'

has he said anything about your cooking?

cooking is a boring chore to most people. Those who have a passion for it are lucky, but also they're rarely the one who takes control of the grind of family cooking every day!

it's great when they do!