To be sick of being so sensible and responsible

Puffin87 · 16/01/2023 15:48

"I'm so bloody bored. I want to return to the 90s for a week, smoke a load of fags, dance and sleep in. And be free and irresponsible."

Take a week off work and do it. A day even.

Babasghost · 11/04/2023 08:24

Adulting is really hard, rich people get to be teenagers again, the rest of us just have to do what we can!

I'm on a low salt and sugar diet for blood pressure.
It sucks!

But take time for fun stuffing important!

Stratocumulus · 11/04/2023 08:28

I hear you!
Sometimes I want to step off and stop being this responsible solution orientated woman. It’s wearying and I’d just love to down tools and switch off. Sod everyone else.

JaneFondue · 11/04/2023 08:31

What I find is parenting is so much harder than it used to be. My parents didn't do half of what I have done for my DC. I don't even want to drink or smoke. I just want to reduce my emotional labour.

Skethylita · 11/04/2023 08:44

One of my favourite quotes:

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!"

Kolakalia · 11/04/2023 08:44

I'm kinda the opposite. I absolutely love and thrive on being responsible. Did all of the wild partying stuff and really enjoy the structure and routine of having to be up at 630-7 every day, going to bed pretty early, putting the work in for my job and being responsible for my kid. I love it.

MissingGrandstand · 11/04/2023 09:03

I know exactly what you mean! I got a boring, stable job post uni then saved all my bonuses for a house deposit. Meanwhile people I knew were moving from country to country living on bar jobs and fruit picking to save for their next flight to somewhere new.

It's not even that I'm frightened of new things - I moved to London not knowing a soul there to take said job (other end of the country for me), it's that I weighed the risk of moving vs the safety of a full time job.

I know the answer is "well why didn't you travel like the people you mention" but the simple answer is I'm not programmed that way - it's not that I'm saying I wanted to travel, it's that I want to be the person that WANTS to travel, rather than the one that wants to make the boring "responsible" decisions.

I like your suggestion that there's a middle ground to take a day off work and be irresponsible, I'm tempted now to do that and book a hotel so I don't need to worry about the baby while I'm being reckless!

StagsLeap · 11/04/2023 09:17

Honestly, I don’t recognise that version of life. I have a job, a husband, a child and a house, but I don’t feel this pressure you speak of to always put my child first, to parent perfectly, to ‘bake and do crafts’, or to be a ‘positive role model’. I am not climbing any kind of work ‘ladder’, and my life is currently financially precarious. I choose my friends purely because I like them. You’re choosing to obey these ‘rules’, surely.

MissingGrandstand · 11/04/2023 09:22

@StagsLeap I absolutely agree, but from my perspective at least it's less of a conscious choice and more ingrained as part of my personality, which I sometimes wish was different! Probably no different to someone who is naturally hyper-organised wishing they could be a bit more spontaneous, and someone who is naturally less organised wishing they were more so.

MeinKraft · 11/04/2023 09:28

YANBU. When I'm panicking about my kids screen time and worrying they haven't had enough outdoor time I think on my childhood where half my day was spent roaming local fields and rivers without adult supervision and the other half was spent playing my Super Nintendo. No craps were given by my parents. They didn't spend their days off taking us to farm parks and stately homes. They spent them lying in bed smoking!

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 11/04/2023 10:13

I feel huge pressure as a parent to be perfect all the time. Pressure from who? You or the media?

Work on this.

Do fun things. But you chose to be a parent so you do have to be a bit responsible! It's good bit to be fat...it'll add years to your life to have more fun :)

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 11/04/2023 10:17

I think I got the partying out of my system in my late teens and twenties. Into my 30's hangovers were severe and not worth it and was glad when I was pregnant and it's changed my outlook on that kind of thing.
Now I barely have one glass of wine a week (in fact more often than not, nothing for a few weeks at all). I like not waking up hungover.

I like having fun with my kids. I don't have to DO organised activities but we do have fun playing together

Swannyb · 11/04/2023 10:17

That is an awful lot of expectations you've put on yourself. Where are you feeling this pressure from?

widowtwankywashroom · 11/04/2023 10:20

So do fun things
You write your own story

Gruffling · 11/04/2023 10:33

I think there is more pressure on parents as some of the opportunities 80s kids had have disappeared:

The opportunity to play out in the streets - destroyed by the prevalence of cars

The opportunity to get a good job without a degree - gone. This puts enormous pressure on parents to coach academic achievements. See also the opportunity of free, fully funded higher education.

Gruffling · 11/04/2023 10:44

MeinKraft · 11/04/2023 09:28

YANBU. When I'm panicking about my kids screen time and worrying they haven't had enough outdoor time I think on my childhood where half my day was spent roaming local fields and rivers without adult supervision and the other half was spent playing my Super Nintendo. No craps were given by my parents. They didn't spend their days off taking us to farm parks and stately homes. They spent them lying in bed smoking!

Did they really give no craps, or were they able to behave like that in the knowledge that you were safe playing out?

I played out in the 80s too. People didn't use their cars as much and it was not socially acceptable to zoom around residential areas - there was the expectation that children were playing out and people drove accordingly.

I also used to play out in an area of green meadow near to our street. It's gone now, built over with tiny gardenless boxes because of the housing crisis.

I take my child to stately homes and gardens to have somewhere green and safe for her to run around.

catsandkid · 11/04/2023 11:02

MissingGrandstand · 11/04/2023 09:03

I know exactly what you mean! I got a boring, stable job post uni then saved all my bonuses for a house deposit. Meanwhile people I knew were moving from country to country living on bar jobs and fruit picking to save for their next flight to somewhere new.

It's not even that I'm frightened of new things - I moved to London not knowing a soul there to take said job (other end of the country for me), it's that I weighed the risk of moving vs the safety of a full time job.

I know the answer is "well why didn't you travel like the people you mention" but the simple answer is I'm not programmed that way - it's not that I'm saying I wanted to travel, it's that I want to be the person that WANTS to travel, rather than the one that wants to make the boring "responsible" decisions.

I like your suggestion that there's a middle ground to take a day off work and be irresponsible, I'm tempted now to do that and book a hotel so I don't need to worry about the baby while I'm being reckless!

Are you me?! Lol!
This is exactly how I feel.

I'm probably naturally programmed to be quite rountine-focused and not spontaneous... but bloody hell, I wish I was! It's a bit sad that now I am financially stable and finally have a bit of spare income I couldn't even go off travelling if I wanted to as I've got 2 young kids, a professional career and a wacking great mortgage weighing me down!

I was a late 80's baby, so most my childhood was 90s. Totally agree OP - I was out playing from morning till it got dark from around 7/8yo, and just popped back occasionally for some food. When I think about it now, I can't imagine letting my DS (7yo) do anything like that! My parents must have had shed loads of childfree time at weekends whilst we were out and about amusing ourselves.... its very different from my weekends where I'm dragging the kids along with me whilst I run errands, trying to keep them occupied at home, sitting doing homework with them (we didn't even have homework until secondary school when I was a kid!) etc.

MissingGrandstand · 11/04/2023 11:39

@catsandkid I'm glad it's not just me!

I also have cats and kid, maybe we are the same person...

LB175 · 01/03/2024 10:55

I hear you!
But I’ve also felt so much pressure to make sensible decisions when it comes to relationships too. To learn from everyone else’s mistakes. I want to make my own mistakes…without the guilt. The other thing about parenting these days is that so much is parent driven. I’ve signed up my children for clubs and classes because I think they’ll enjoy it or it will be good for them. Whereas I remember things being much more child driven when I was younger.

Moreorlessmentallystable · 01/03/2024 11:30

I am the same, but mainly because I have always been a big nerd, always did good in school, never had a teenage rebellion, sensible with money. I was a bloody virgin til 22! In my 40's. Ow and feels like it's too late for me now that I am expected to be a responsible adult 😂😂