Is it just moody or abusive?

[Whatdoido90]

Awful weekend with husbands moods! He went out at 8am on Saturday morning not returning until midnight. It was all planned, he was at football/pub. I had made plans with my DCs for the day.

On Saturday morning DD didn't want to go to her football training, I said oh no worries let's sit this one out. Its only training, they already do 2 a week and she is only 7 so not like its the premier league or anything. She said she felt tired.

Anyway 5 mins after I messaged the team WhatsApp group husband rings and starts to shout at us all, we have let the team down, you can't just decide when you don't want to go, can't believe you have done this etc!

Children were both visibly upset about the shouting. They both said after the phone call they are always worried to tell Dad when they don't want to go to clubs.

That afternoon he also called up to say sons friends dad had asked if he could go and play. I messaged back to say sorry no we have plans today (he knew we did). But he was so annoyed I had said no - even saying does DS know his options! He is 8!

Simular incident Sunday but DS was ill in the car on the way to rugby training - he was very worried and said he didn't feel well enough but dad would be angry at him.

I get that team sports require commitment but that is an overreaction isn't it? Also why does he feel like he can go out for the whole day but still dictate our plans.

He shouldn't be making the kids feel like this should he? I need to do something about it.

I don't know whether it's abusive but it's certainly very overbearing. It sounds like he's keener for the kids to do sports than the kids are themselves? For example does your DD even LIKE football? Plus, trying to arrange your and their Saturday from afar is way too controlling.

YANBU. Has he always been like this? How do you think he would take it if you had a chat and politely told him he needs to wind his neck in?

Your children fear your DH's anger, so yes, you do need to do something. Your DH thinks that he's in charge and you all have to answer to him. That needs to change. You obviously aren't on the same page re commitment and that's always a tough one.

I'm with him on the football training to be honest. The coaches are giving up their Saturdays as volunteers and to not go just because she can't be arsed is pretty disrespectful.

I totally agree with you, but ringing up to shout at and berate both the 7yo and her mum isn't the way to deal with that! There are better ways to teach a child about commitment than shouting at them.