to be a bit put out when my manager looked at me like I had two heads when I said I'd be returning to work full-time when I have my baby?

[HalleBerrysBikini]

Ok,

The SAHM v WOHM debate has prompted this post as it reminded me of a conversation last week.

I told my manager I'm pregnat and explained that I would be coming back to work full time after maternity leave. DH and I really can't afford to do it any other way - there's a possibility I might be able to go down to 4 days a week but I think even that is unlikely.

Anyway, my manager works full time, has 2 DC although she only worked part time when she had her first. She basically told me that she didn't know anybody who worked full time when she had her first DC and that if I go back full time I won't have any friends from my NCT course or anywhere else because they will all be off socialising without me as none of them will be full time working mothers.

I must stress, she said it in a very nice, kindly advice type of way, but I'm wondering if she's totally right? I mean, just because she doesn't know any full time working mothers doesn't necessarily mean I won't, does it? Also, she said if I didn't have one day off a week I would never build a "network" with these people. But surely if they are all SAHMs and I only have, say, Mondays off, then I will miss out on any activities they do Tues-Fri anyway?

Thanks llareggub

That's the kind of thing I want to be hearing at the moment.

I went back to work 6 months after having dd.... re: socialising, I really enjoyed our meet ups with the ante natal girls for those 6 months, but didn't really miss them when i went back to work. I went back 4 days a week, which meant that I had a lovely 1 day a week just me and dd.... since then, (nearly 3 years ago), we all still get together, but do a girls night out for dinner 2-3- times a year, exchange stories of how it's going etc, and enjoy NOT having screamy toddlers around us! We were a mixture of stay at home and working mums, and those get togethers are still really good fun.... so don't worry about it, do what's best for you, your lo and your finances...

I went back ft when dd was only 8 weeks old (although I work from home 3 days a week)
Financially we couldn't afford to do otherwise - my salary is 4 x dh's.
He went part time instead - although I wish I could have given him my extra week's mat leave!
tbh my life was pretty full of friends before I had dd and stayed that way after. I didn't really keep in close contact with anyone from aquanatal/antenatal etc.
Am sure you will be fine - no need to make any decisions yet anyway.
Except get a new mortgage sorted for when this one ends!

Thanks Jackstini,

If we took out our current mortgage today it would cost us an extras £150, but I'm hoping the rate cuts they keep predicting will kick in before our fixed rate ends at the end of the year.

Out of interest, how do you find it works with working from home? Do you have childcare while you work?

Yes, dd goees to nursery on Mon, Tue & Thu and dh has her Wed & Fri. Sometimes I am at home on the days he has her so we can have lunch together and I will have a couple of short breaks for a coffee and a play.
I chose the nursery as it is quite small (only 6 babies, 8 2 yr olds and 10 3 yr olds) and v local. If I am not having too busy a day I can drop her off later or collect her early (they are v flexible) and I used to go in and breastfeed her at lunchtime too. If I was working away from home, I used to express (not much fun in a service station on the M1 or an airplane but can be done (she is nearly 2 & down to 1 feed a day now so not an issue)
Just wait and see how you feel at the time - noone else can tell you what is right for you and your baby
And by the way CONGRATULATIONS!!

Thanks Jackstini,

That's the best advice by far.

Thanks everyone on this thread. I know these can sometimes get a bit contentious but the advice I've had has been fabulous, and has helped me to get a few things straight in my head.

xxx

HalleBerrysBikini - what work do you do?

(am nosey cos u seem to be on quite good money!)

project management, dabbles, yeah it pays pretty well.

Or a sales person (national account manager) pays pretty well too

The other thing to bear in mind is that staying at home is pretty expensive too, because all those clubs, meeting up for coffee, hanging out buying stuff for babies etc can add up. I found that I couldn't happily socialise with my antinatal mum's once my maternity pay had run out, because I was really short of cash (and didn't feel right using what were effectively dh's earnings having a nice time whilst he was at work as we then wouldn't have had any money at all at the week-ends). Now that may be because for one reason or another the other mums were financially better off (they all had higher earning partners, whereas I was the higher earner in my family), but at work apart from gettig there I really don't spend much. So I felt better off even with the high cost of the nanny writing off most of my earnings.

You'll make it work, it is a worry financially but you'll be okay.
Can you work from home at all? I do one day a week and it seems to work well. Dd does half day at nursery that day, then home at 1pm, rest or sleep for an hour, she plays for an hour or so, then an early tea and the usual bedtime routine. I do end up doing stuff in the evening but it breaks up the week for her and me (have Wed's at home).
I'm a comms manager though, so lots of writing and editing which is easy to do from home.