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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What things have changed?

58 replies

JustForABitofFun · 16/01/2023 09:30

AIBU to think that nowadays children's services would take us away from our parents?

When my eldest brother was a baby (in the late 1950s) my parents lived high up in a tower block in central London. So that my brother could get some fresh air, my mum would leave him in his pushchair on the pavement downstairs near the entrance to the flats. She would then go back up to her flat and just look over her balcony occasionally to check he was OK.

Can you imagine doing that now?

Has anyone got other examples?

OP posts:
catmademedoit · 16/01/2023 10:22

It was very normal to leave babies or toddlers in a pram outside shops / in gardens

It was normal to have to breathe in smoke from both parents in the car and on a plane going on holiday

It was normal to buy fags from local shops / hitch lifts from strangers / babysit neighbours children at the drop of a hat / call random friends of family aunt or uncle / walk home from school alone / house left unlocked for children /

Hobbesmanc · 16/01/2023 10:32

I used to pick up my mums family allowance in cash from the post office and buy her ciggies for her.

When we went swimming with friends families we'd all squash in the hatchback boot. And it was a treat to be allowed to stand on the back seat of my aunties Citroen Dynane and stick our head out of the sun roof

SarkyFace · 16/01/2023 10:33

My grandad often let me sit on his lap and 'drive' the car down the motorway when I was a kid, from the age of about 3.

Mushroo · 16/01/2023 10:43

If my uncle gave me a lift, I’d have to sit in the back of his work van with all the pots of paint and just hold on!

Smacking was considered fine.

would play out in the street with my cousins for hours.

This was the 90s so not even that long ago…

SallyWD · 16/01/2023 10:47

We once drove from south coast to Scotland with my brother in the boot of the car! Entirely his choice and we did check he was OK from time to time! Always frequently watched 18 films as kids.

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/01/2023 10:49

A friend told me her dad (in the late 70s) had once locked her and her brother in the back of a car so he could go to the pub for the afternoon. A packet of crisps between the pair of them. And tipped up shitfaced four or so hours later and drove home. She laughed about that but I was horrified.

My parents wouldn't have done that but society was far more indulgent towards heavy drinking in parents. Kids were expected to sit around for hours watching parents getting pissed without complaint.

I'm really glad society is less tolerant of that. I like a drink but I hated watching my dad drinking and I hated the way we were expected just to take it on the chin.

Ineedwinenow · 16/01/2023 10:58

My parents used to take us shopping to the supermarket but leave us in the car locked in! Apparently it was easier than leaving us at home, Even in summer!

This was done weekly from when I was a baby until we could be trusted to stay home alone! (Mum doesn’t drive and dad couldn’t be trusted alone to shop so myself and my brother got dragged along) sometimes they would nip into the town centre afterwards so we would be left a couple of hours! My brother took this opportunity to punch me 😆 (I was 4 years younger)!!!

JarByTheDoor · 16/01/2023 11:10

Igglepiggleslittletoe · 16/01/2023 09:51

We often went on holiday with a caravan attached to the car. Us kids would be IN the caravan instead of the car for the entire journey.

Bloody hell. I'm fairly used to hearing stories of kids jammed six to a back seat, kids in the back of a van, kids in the boot… I know it happened, and I know it's dangerous, but in an era where seatbelts weren't ubiquitous anyway, it's understandable. But having seen footage of what happens to a caravan in a crash… Jesus.

Watercoloursky · 16/01/2023 13:31

Thepeopleversuswork · 16/01/2023 10:49

A friend told me her dad (in the late 70s) had once locked her and her brother in the back of a car so he could go to the pub for the afternoon. A packet of crisps between the pair of them. And tipped up shitfaced four or so hours later and drove home. She laughed about that but I was horrified.

My parents wouldn't have done that but society was far more indulgent towards heavy drinking in parents. Kids were expected to sit around for hours watching parents getting pissed without complaint.

I'm really glad society is less tolerant of that. I like a drink but I hated watching my dad drinking and I hated the way we were expected just to take it on the chin.

My OH (born late 70s) has told me similar stories! I don't think he was locked in, but being expected to sit in the car with a bag of crisps while his dad was in the pub was not uncommon it seems...

@Ineedwinenow my sister and I (born late 80s) were regularly locked in the car when my parents went shopping too...woe betide us if we moved too much and set the alarm off...

Weddi · 16/01/2023 13:36

My Mum was left outside a coop in her pram for hours once, my Grandma forgot to take her home and actually just forgot all about her for a while!

Original poster
JustForABitofFun · 16/01/2023 14:40

@catmademedoit

It was normal to have to breathe in smoke from both parents in the car and on a plane going on holiday

Yes, I remember sitting in a smoking row on a plane! I recall that some people would sit in a no smoking row but then periodically walk up to the smoking area at the back and then stand there and smoke with everyone else!

OP posts:
catchingclouds · 16/01/2023 15:07

We used to be able to go home from school with a friends parent with no pre-arrangement with teachers. There were sometimes five of us crammed in my mate's dad's car, while he smoked cigarette after cigarette

welshmoose · 16/01/2023 23:26

Nuts isn’t it? So much stuff we’d never ever dream of now! My mum used to dip my dummy in brandy to get me to sleep cause I was a nightmare apparently. I also remember travelling home from my grandparents house in the boot of the car too, just for fun!! Think I was about 5/6 then. There’s plenty more but the rest is a little more outing!

Cuppasoupmonster · 16/01/2023 23:37

My parents used to go to the pub and leave us in the car with a window down, popping out now and then with pop and packets of crisps for us.

When I was 11 I made the journey to school and back alone, it was a 1 mile walk to the train station, 2 stops on the train and a 1 mile city centre walk to the school, including underpasses. Can’t imagine many parents would allow that now. This was in the early 2000s.

Looking back I had a mad amount of freedom. At 14 or 15 I would just message and say I wasn’t coming home that night and was staying with a friend and they were fine with that. The ‘friend’ was usually a boy whose parents had gone away for the weekend…

gingerhamster · 16/01/2023 23:38

My dm left me outside Woolworths in a pram and walked home without me 🤷🏼‍♀️

DelurkingAJ · 16/01/2023 23:38

I remember getting a lift back from a party aged about 9 and the lady sniffed slightly and then said to me ‘I didn’t want a child in the front but I can see now it’s ok’ (I was taller than she was). Then she stuffed five smaller girls in the back without blinking!

Snugglemonkey · 16/01/2023 23:43

JustForABitofFun · 16/01/2023 09:43

I recall that you would often see parents really reprimanding/hitting their children. Nobody thought anything of it, particularly as schools would use a cane on children.

I heard a child being smacked yesterday and it was totally shocking. It is illegal here. They were in a cubicle, so I did not see them but My child was distressed just hearing the incident, as was I.

Chibbers · 16/01/2023 23:56

My mum dipping my younger brothers dummy in runny honey, and me doing the same with my kids. What the hell was I thinking??
Kids playgrounds with concrete flooring. 😱

MrsMoastyToasty · 17/01/2023 00:10

We used to play on building sites. (I grew up on a large housing estate and houses were still being built several years after we moved in). I can remember climbing ladders because stairs hadn't been installed and playing on the scaffolding or making cement.

PurpleWisteria1 · 17/01/2023 00:11

keepareaclean · 16/01/2023 09:45

There was almost no vetting of packed lunches -

Who is 'vetting' packed lunches?

Primary schools! Ours does and so many things are not allowed!

DustyMaiden · 17/01/2023 00:22

I walked to school,in Walworth, alone at the age of 4. There was a very busy road to cross. I would have to go into the green grocers and ask the man to help me across it.

Ladybird69 · 17/01/2023 00:28

In the early 80s my mum and boyfriend took me and sibling to Cornwall for holiday. Boyfriend had planned the journey via pubs so basically it was a pub crawl in the car with kids. Kids stayed in the pub gardens with crisps and coke and they were in the bar! They were well oiled by the time we got there !!! When I look back I can’t believe that they did it.

MissingMoominMamma · 17/01/2023 00:33

strumpert · 16/01/2023 09:40

My grandpa forgot me outside a shop. He had taken me for a walk in my pram and went to get the paper. Came back out and forgot me and had to be sent back by my granny. 😂😂😂

I left my son in his pram outside the butcher’s shop in our village. I did the rest of my shopping, went home, put the kettle on, made tea and sat down, which was usually his cue to wake up for a feed. It was only when he didn’t (because he wasn’t there!), I realised that I didn’t actually have him in the house. He was still sleeping and the staff in the shop cheered when I arrived- they’d been keeping an eye on him. In my defence, he was breastfed on demand, and was extremely hungry- I was knackered. He’s 35 now.

RewildingAmbridge · 17/01/2023 00:35

DF used to have an estate car, and we'd get up at silly o'clock in the morning, when we were going on holiday to drive down to Cornwall, to beat the traffic. The cases (tan leather no wheels) would go on the back seats and dB and I with pillows and duvets would sleep in the boot so we could stretch out!

RobertaFirmino · 17/01/2023 00:38

My DM drank three small bottles of Guinness a week (on the GPs advice!) when she was pregnant with me. I was left outside shops in my pram regularly and was forgotten once too!

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