Would you pre warn this mum / mums

[huhuha]

Posting for a friend who's not on here.

My friend is having her son's third Bday party in a couple of weeks and has invited various people. She's recently moved to a new area and has invited some people she's met around and their kids and a few kids from her son's nursery. She's also invited family and friends without kids.

All in all it looks to be a reasonably big party and she's wondering if she needs to prewarn people that out won't be a strictly kids only party and that there will be alcohol served and pork. One of the ladies she's invited is Muslim, but she doesn't know her very well, hence the worry about alcohol and pork being served etc.

Would people assume a children's birthday party is just for children and then find it strange when there are other adults there without children ?

Thanks.

I really don't see the issue, if the person you are thinking about is an adult

It depends. If she has just said we're having a party at home for family and a few friends then that's different to actually handing out party invitations inviting the child.

I’m pretty sure people will ask for themselves if there is going to be halal options etc. I wouldn’t find it strange personally for there to be family members there who might not have kids, aunties etc. I also wouldn’t find it strange to be given info about the party when invited either. At 3 years old I’d be attending with my kid anyway.

I mean as long as there's not people getting black out drunk, I don't think she should have to warn anyone about alcohol being there. In regards to the pork, just make sure it's kept separate to other food and there's other options to pick from for the kids.

With the pork thing, I wouldn't worry (and I say that as someone who lives in a Muslim country) If it's an issue, then I'm sure they would ask if something was halal, rather than just assume it was. In the same way that if you had a food allergy, you would check.

The alcohol one is a bit trickier. I have colleagues who won't come for dinner with the team if they know alcohol will be served and some people wouldn't expect it necessarily at a childrens party. But I think as long as people are doing tequila slammers off the kids play mat, then I think it's fine! If it's an issue for them, I'm sure they would politely make their excuses and leave.

There are separate areas for the kids and the adults and some kids entertainment planned. No one will be doing tequila etc of course!

A party at home, I'd assume there would be extra adults and family around and not just children. A soft play I'd assume just children.

At home, I wouldn't assume alcohol but also wouldn't assume alcohol free.

Anyone adult I know that has dietary requirements (religious or allergies) has always either checked with the host or brought their own.

I went to a kids party at someone’s house and she served us all chanpagne! It was fantastic.

I also served beer at DD’s second birthday.

To be honest if you’re going to any kind of house party in the UK you shouldn’t be surprised if there is alcohol there, and certainly not if there’s pork there.

Even the school xmas fair sells alcohol. Mulled wine etc.

Unless your friend lives in a Muslim country I can’t see a problem.

I think your friend should do two separate parties/divide the day into two.

Party 1 - for new friends/nursery friends - a kids party, no alcohol with parents staying as is normal at that day. Set a time - 2 / 3 hours.

Party 2 - later in the afternoon - for family and family friends - alcohol if that’s your choice, etc.

A party for a 3 year old I would assume to have adults in attendance. The Muslim lady will be well aware that port and alcohol will be served

I would assume extra adults would be close family pitching in to help with the party, not Dad's bingo crew sinking cocktails or Mom's pub mates downing pints so I think it depends on who they are. I assume at 3 parents are staying anyway so I think it would be fine.

Re alcohol, is it clear its in a pub / bar? That might self select tbf. I have Muslim friends who wouldn't go to something at a pub but would just politely decline.

Just ensure there's a variety of foods Inc vegetarian and make sure its plated up separately

Ensure any vegetarian food is both cooked and served separately (don't put the sausage rolls on the same tray as the cheese sandwiches fir example)

But I think most people would expect there to be pork products at a children's party simply because a sausage roll and ham sandwich are standard party fare in the UK.

Alcohol... just have plenty of non alcoholic drinks, plenty of tea and coffee simply because a lot will be driving.

Don't overthink it. I have Muslim friends, Hindu friends, Buddhist friends we manage to intertwine activities and gatherings without any drama :) They are capable of making their own enquiries/decisions re ingredients and things against their beliefs ect

@Sunnydays0101 , she's already invited people

I think for a third birthday party, the norm is that at least most of the parents of the children will be there, along with other adult family members.

I'd say sometimes adults might be catered for and sometimes they wouldn't. And that this might involve alcohol.

And I'd expect the 3 year old's parents to sort out any food they could and couldn't eat; same as they would with food allergies.
I would expect you to put pork on a different plate to other foods.

I see no particularly need for pre-warnings.

I don’t see the issue. Muslims understand that non-Muslims often drink and that social events in the UK often involve alcohol. Even events for children very often include alcohol for the adults attending (Christenings, birthdays, etc) and, with increasing competitiveness of birthday parties, I’ve been to a few over the last couple of months with champagne/Prosecco etc. Of all the Muslims I know personally in the UK, none would take offence or object to other people drinking at a social event. In a predominantly Muslim country, I’d pre-warn Muslim guests (or, more likely, not serve alcohol. I may also pre-warn someone if I thought it were more likely to be an issue (i.e. a recovering alcoholic, a very strict practising Muslim, etc).

From what you’ve said, I wouldn’t pre-warn anyone. But to answer the question you actually asked, no, I would expect adult relatives of a child to attend their birthday party even if those relatives didn’t have children.

Maybe it's the area I live in, but between the number of Jews (which includes me), Muslims, Hindus, Sikhs, vegetarians and vegans, I don't think my kids have ever been to a birthday party where pork or beef was served.

Yes, I would mention it to any Muslim parents - some won't attend an event if alcohol is served there.

Usually we have drinks with our own friends and their kids, separately from the child's main party.

I wouldn’t worry about it. But if it’s playing on her mind she could just text everyone saying all the usual party food will be served but to let her know about any dietary requirements/allergies. And add on that there will be some alcohol available in case that changes anyone’s travel arrangements. That way she’s letting people know that pork and alcohol are being served without directing it at anyone in particular or making it about religion.

I’ve never been to a kids party where alcohol hasn’t been offered! Not that anyone gets sloshed but beer/wine/fizz is available and most people have 1 or 2. Especially if it’s at someone’s house, it seems obvious that alcohol may be served, so I wouldn’t feel the need to prewarn anyone. Just have plenty of soft drinks too. I always ask about allergies/dietary requirements and plate anything that is likely to be an issue for anyone separately and make sure it’s clear what’s what- that should cover the pork.