I feel shit- I HATE my hair

[Hatemyhair6]

just that really.

I hate my hair so much. It’s frizzy and curly which i don’t mind, but it’s 99% split ends and it looks awful because of it.

It looks fried and broken. I don’t know why I have so many split ends. I hardly wash my hair and I use very gentle shampoos, I very very rarely use heat like straighteners and I rarely put my hair in tight ponytails, buns, braids and so on. I sleep on a silk pillow. It’s not bleached or stripped but it’s just in awful condition and my hairdresser was visibly shocked at the split ends when she saw it for the first time. She assumed I straightened it at least once a day but I hardly ever. I don’t even know where my straightens are it’s been that long. My hair just seems to snap- it looks like I’ve had an undercut because I’ve got so much fluffy hair at the base of my skull but it’s just broken hair.

I’m fine with the curls but the split ends make it look so frizzy and staticky and messy. I hate it so much and every time I look in the mirror I want to cry. It’s awful

the only thing I can think of is that I need to use very strong steroids on my skin including my scalp which I know will damage the hair at the root, but I don’t know why that would make it split and break and give me split ends at the bottom of my head where the steroids nowhere near

Just feeling absolutely miserable about it and wish I could have nice or at least presentable hair

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Did the hairdresser trim your split ends? Did she provide any advice on treatments?

There's so much pressure on women to have long luscious locks, regardless of hair type.
Some hair simply doesn't grow long.
Blokes don't have issues like this because they all do short back n sides!

I'd just rock a pixie cut if I were you. Dye it interesting colours.

Are you using protein heavy hair products? Steroids aside, it could be protein overload in your hair.

Can you post us a picture with your face scribbled out?

Curly hair person here. I hated mine too, still not thrilled! I’ve been through so many products and one hairdresser ran away crying one day! (I was a kid, my dm was clueless, she should have introduced me to conditioner.) You need a good cut, then never go near a hairdresser again. I haven’t seen one in years. Ideally, you need to find a product you like and that controls the frizz/fluffiness. Recently, I discovered Cantu curling crème (cos it was cheap in Asda 🤣). It’s heavy and makes your hair almost look greasy-novel look for me! There are lots of products in the range.

I also bought Flora and Curl, but it’s £17 for one bottle of the gel-good control/curl enhancing ability but I can’t afford that.

My go to used to be Tresemme, wet the hair, towel dry, comb through, leave in, allow to dry. It’s great, enhances curls, stays all day, but makes it look like you have dandruff because it dries and drops off in bits. (Cantu doesn’t do this, nor does Flora and Curl). Only ever brush when your hair is covered in product/conditioner.

You need to stop using anything containing sulfates, stop washing the hair with shampoo, wash it with conditioner.

Don’t despair, you can have amazing curls. Google the curly girl method, but I’ve been through every product out there and you just need to find the one that suits you/your budget.

Sorry you’re sad about your hair OP. Could you ask your hairdresser for advice? I’m wondering if using keratin or olaplex treatments would help your hair (I’m not a hairdresser!)? I found olaplex really helped the condition of my hair when I used to dye it blonde

If it makes you feel any better I haaaate my hair and want it cut. But my son gave me nits that won’t die with multiple nit solutions, so I’m doing the conditioner and nitty gritty thing and it’s taking forever because my hair is long and thick.

So, could be worse. You could be itchy and manky 😁

I wonder if it would be worth consulting a trichologist. You don't treat your hair in a way that would cause this, so there must be a root cause (literally in this case). Diet, medication, stress... Something is causing it and a proper decent trichologist might be able to identify what it is and what you could do.

Have you had your thyroid checked recently?

YANBU. Can I ask what products (if any) you use, and whether or not you let your hair air dry? It’s a good idea to use a heat protectant with UV protection even if you don’t blow dry, because the sun can still damage your hair if you don’t wear a hat and air dried hair still needs products in it to dry into a style.

For some folks, blow drying with a diffuser can actually be healthier for their hair than air drying, as the cuticles remain open when wet and can cause frizz and breakage. Too much or too little protein in your hair can cause issues too. I would suggest checking out some videos online. If you have curly hair, Manes by Mell does some awesome tutorials for beginners, but there are plenty to choose from.

You’ll need to find a routine that works for you, as everyone is different; but in case it helps you find a starting point:

Wash and condition hair in the shower with curl specific products, and then use a microfiber towel or a tshirt to scrunch excess water out of the hair (the tiny loops on regular terrycloth towels will snag and make frizz worse if it’s a problem for you). Comb through hair while damp with a wide tooth comb. Apply a heat/UV protectant, then styling products (all on damp hair): mousse, gel or cream formulated for curls are excellent choices, and you can even combine them to find what works for you. (I do mousse near the roots, gel on mids and ends.) Scrunch these products in, then comb through again to distribute them evenly. Then use a comb or a Denman style brush to comb hair out in sections at a 90 degree angle from your head, for volume at the roots (this is optional, depending on whether you need or want volume). Use your fingers to scrunch the curl pattern back into your hair. You can now air dry, or use a diffuser to blow dry (I blow dry with a diffuser; there are videos online to show you how). Try not to touch your hair too much, as it will cause frizz. Once your hair is 80-90 percent dry, use your fingers to scrunch and break up the hardness from the gel, and then slip your hands underneath your hair where frizz won’t show and fluff at the roots for volume. Use a curl cream or smoothing serum on the ends of your hair as needed frizz.

Again, ymmv, but I hope this helps in some way.

Google the Curly Girl Method

There's also loads of fb groups for Curly Girl Method or Wavy hair where they can help advise what type of hair you have & regime to choose & what specific haircuts drying methods, care etc can help

Hair types are have different groupings/types depending how frizzy/wavy/curly & regimes are specific to each type

Also, as another poster suggested you may wish to get thyroid levels checked & anaemia screen

OP, if you opt for the hardcore Curly Girl Method, please be aware that there’s a medical need to cleanse the scalp periodically with a clarifying shampoo.

Get a keratin kit / Brazilian blow dry kit from Amazon.

If I was this desperate I would cut it as short as possible and start good care from there. Or if y are brave enough shave it all off and find some cute wigs meantime.

I’m sorry OP, it’s really tough to have something about yourself that you don’t like. I think it’s worth noting that no one has the hair that it looks like they do - frizzy, dry, damaged hair can be styled to look very different. I’ve attached pictures of my hair when I just had it styled and my hair right now - it’s exactly the same hair. Social media in particular will show you mostly extensions that have been professionally styled. No one’s hair actually looks like that.

The only thing I can think of that may improve the health of your hair is a dietary change or vitamin supplements. Try not to be so hard on yourself.