Is he being an arse on purpose to make me leave?

[strawberrycheesecakeforever]

Been married about 15 years. We couldn't have children- I was more upset than him at the time, but we settled into a comfortable, happy routine.

6 years ago, I got promoted. It meant I'm out of the house for longer, often 10-12 hours a day, but obviously get paid more. Slowly over time, he started doing less and less. Picking up less paid work, doing less housework, sleeping later and staying up later. It was all so gradual that I didn't really pay attention until it was a disaster. I pay around 80-90% of the household costs now and do about 75% of the housework too.

I planned a roast dinner for our tea tonight. He got up late, mooched around a bit while I went for a run, went shopping and did some paperwork at home, then he went for a nap. I reminded him about the roast dinner and asked when he was getting up. Went ahead and cooked, and he just didn't get up when he promised. He's still in bed now and I've had a whole afternoon and evening alone again.

It feels like we're just going through the motions, and I suddenly wondered tonight if he's done and wants to end it, but isn't brave enough to bite the bullet, so is acting like a shithead so I am the one who breaks us up.

Thanks for making it this far. Not really sure what I'm hoping to achieve but needed a vent!

Doesn't sound like he's got an end goal in mind, sounds like he's a lazy arse and (sorry to say), you e enabled him

Maybe I'm looking at this wrong. It doesn't really matter what his motive is. I'm not happy and he doesn't care.

This ^^

Your marriage sounds over and that's really sad for you OP.
You don't like who your DH has become anymore , he won't act like an equal partner and he has such little respect for you he can't be bothered to even clean the bathroom after himself when he's lazing around at home all the time.
It sounds like he rather wants a mother, an unpaid cleaner and someone to bankroll him instead of a spouse- so it's not surprising that he's no longer attractive to you and you can't see yourself carrying on as you are.

Have you thought about trying Relate? It's really upsetting to realise it may be time to divorce and even if you still end up going down that route, having some marriage counselling may be helpful to you both

If you do ultimately serve him with divorce papers and divorce him he will have to start fending for himself

Wouldn't we all love to abdicate financial and household work to someone else for free?! But you don't as an adult and you don't treat your partner like a servant

No children so you should each get 50% of equity in the house once it's sold or you could buy him out and get on with a lovely fun filled dynamic life after he's gone

I don't think it's fair to say OP has enabled him, it sounds like she's been a supportive partner and realised over time that his laziness and inertness took change his situation had crept up on her. Often it takes a last straw to make someone revaluate.

I am conscious that he may be severely depressed but given it's gone on so long and he doesn't care enough to go back to his Gp to change his meds or try to better his situation, there's not much else OP can do if she doesn't want to keep living like this.

Do you want to stay in this relationship? It sounds like a very lonely place. It's scary ending a relationship but sometimes is scariest to stay in one.

He's on to a right winner.

Does it matter if you institute the break-up? Your husband is adding precisely nothing to your life. Mind you, I suspect he might try a bit harder if he thought he was about to lose his meal-ticket.

He says he hates working (don't we all??) and I earn enough now. He says that I like it cleaner than he does, so I should do it myself if I want it cleaner. I've tried to leave things for him to do, like asking him to clean the bathroom, but he just doesn't do it.

if he hates working, and so do you (even if not as much as him) you are now working enough to pay for almost everything in the home. You are sacrificing, to ensure he doesnt have to work/work as much.
so to enable you to do that, and to acknowledge that sacrifice, as a partner he should be doing the housework to the standard you like. Then he gets to not work, and you get to have a clean and tidy home, some meals cooked etc (which benefits him too).

alternatively he is not contributing financially or physically in which case he is effectively a dependant. Not a partner.