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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am i being compleyely unreasonable for being very ready to say enough is enough

24 replies

MrsLeaf · 15/01/2023 18:20

I’m a new recruit at a school and I’m not young anymore, so not used to being “told” per se what I need to do. I’m coming back off mat leave so there’s every chance I’m being a sensitive sally here.

Also typing it I can see how benign it sounds.

So the issues I’ve had are:
I was sorting ouT. Specifically a worksheet for my kids (teacher) and he walks up to me and said “yeah I much prefer to create my own because I wouldn’t really know what to pull from those quotes if I’m honest. Like the one about the door, I just don’t know what I would write” so I said yeah that’s why I wrote the answers for myself. (Came across like putting my work down)

At the end of the day I used their room and he walks in and said “alright guys unfortunately it is time to wrap up” as if I’m not the adult in the room and I don’t know what’s what time wise!

Once I was moving some sheets off my desk and someone else’s stuff was there (I wouldn’t touch that) and I was just grabbing my own so i could move. They turned to me and said “oh don’t worry about that stuff it’s just Jamie’s. I think he’s still working there” I said “yeah I know. I need my stuff though.” Almost telling me what to do again?

I don’t know. There is something about it really rubbed me up the wrong way. Do you think I’m just overanalysing this all? Almost trying to hold authority over me or like sly digs

Part of me just needs to get it off my chest but wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Aibu to think if another comment comes my way I should just say something?

OP posts:
VogueDarling · 15/01/2023 18:23

I do think your overthinking this,

I don't really understand how issue 1 is offensive at all...
Issue 2 and 3 again don't see any issues

Hesma · 15/01/2023 18:25

You are being totally ridiculous “over-sensitive”. You’re new… people are trying to explain how they like things done/ help you. You need to chill out

Original poster
MrsLeaf · 15/01/2023 18:27

Hesma · 15/01/2023 18:25

You are being totally ridiculous “over-sensitive”. You’re new… people are trying to explain how they like things done/ help you. You need to chill out

Hormones

OP posts:
GirlsNightOut33 · 15/01/2023 18:29

trying to hold authority over me

What is your job?
From what I understand the male colleague ("guy"?) You're talking about is a teacher.

Is your role to support and facilitate his teaching? Support the education of his class of children?

We need more specific because you're coming across like a petulant 12 year old here.

Yes. Work involves being told what to do by supervisors or customers or clients. None of the examples provided seem unusual.

What did you do as a job before?

Original poster
MrsLeaf · 15/01/2023 18:31

GirlsNightOut33 · 15/01/2023 18:29

trying to hold authority over me

What is your job?
From what I understand the male colleague ("guy"?) You're talking about is a teacher.

Is your role to support and facilitate his teaching? Support the education of his class of children?

We need more specific because you're coming across like a petulant 12 year old here.

Yes. Work involves being told what to do by supervisors or customers or clients. None of the examples provided seem unusual.

What did you do as a job before?

Same level as me.

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 15/01/2023 18:51

Are you (and I mean this genuinely) ok?

it sounds like you’ve got maybe some other issues going on which are causing you to react like this and given you’ve not long had a baby that’s not unusual. But yes you are being massively U and you might want to see if there’s something else causing this?

Original poster
MrsLeaf · 15/01/2023 18:53

catgirl1976 · 15/01/2023 18:51

Are you (and I mean this genuinely) ok?

it sounds like you’ve got maybe some other issues going on which are causing you to react like this and given you’ve not long had a baby that’s not unusual. But yes you are being massively U and you might want to see if there’s something else causing this?

Very low at the moment and not really coping so well in the job and it’s very much impacting the emotions. So yeah I completely see your point!

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 15/01/2023 18:55

I think it might be worth seeing your GP or seeing if the school have an EAP or similar you can contact for a bit of support?

Having a baby is tough. Going back to work is tough and you say you are feeling low. Be kind to yourself and reach out for some support - you don’t have to this on your own

LadyLaLaa · 15/01/2023 18:56

I can't see anything wrong with what anyone has said tbh.
So I think yabu and You sound like hard work.

Original poster
MrsLeaf · 15/01/2023 19:00

catgirl1976 · 15/01/2023 18:55

I think it might be worth seeing your GP or seeing if the school have an EAP or similar you can contact for a bit of support?

Having a baby is tough. Going back to work is tough and you say you are feeling low. Be kind to yourself and reach out for some support - you don’t have to this on your own

I agree I may need time out.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 15/01/2023 19:00

I was sorting ouT. Specifically a worksheet for my kids (teacher) and he walks up to me and said “yeah I much prefer to create my own because I wouldn’t really know what to pull from those quotes if I’m honest. Like the one about the door, I just don’t know what I would write” so I said yeah that’s why I wrote the answers for myself.

None of this makes sense. Who is the '(teacher}' person, you or him? Who is 'he'?

catgirl1976 · 15/01/2023 19:03

Take the time out you need and good luck.

catgirl1976 · 15/01/2023 19:05

I know we have a reputation as a nest of vipers to uphold but when an OP concedes quite early in that perhaps they are being U because they need a bit of help and are a bit wobbly could we, maybe..try being a bit kinder? Just to see how it goes for a bit maybe?

Yesthatismychildsigh · 15/01/2023 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
MrsLeaf · 15/01/2023 19:12

catgirl1976 · 15/01/2023 19:05

I know we have a reputation as a nest of vipers to uphold but when an OP concedes quite early in that perhaps they are being U because they need a bit of help and are a bit wobbly could we, maybe..try being a bit kinder? Just to see how it goes for a bit maybe?

Yes I’ll take the advice. thank you.

OP posts:
midlifecrash · 15/01/2023 19:31

Well depending on this guy’s manner I might well be thinking to myself “you patronising cunt” but I would not say this! Some people are a bit awkward with new colleagues, he could be your bff in a few weeks

Original poster
MrsLeaf · 15/01/2023 19:52

midlifecrash · 15/01/2023 19:31

Well depending on this guy’s manner I might well be thinking to myself “you patronising cunt” but I would not say this! Some people are a bit awkward with new colleagues, he could be your bff in a few weeks

it was a thought that crossed my mind!!

OP posts:
Flapjackquack · 15/01/2023 19:53

Have you posted about this before OP? It sounds very similar to something a read a few months ago.

Original poster
MrsLeaf · 15/01/2023 19:57

Flapjackquack · 15/01/2023 19:53

Have you posted about this before OP? It sounds very similar to something a read a few months ago.

No, I’m just coming back into teaching after may leave and probably over hyped emotionally. There’s so much to process.

OP posts:
Twillow · 15/01/2023 19:59

In any line of work, there might be people trying to uphold their authority over you, and you have to find coping strategies for it - such as definitely don't let them see you're bothered, rather than going on the defensive be all bright and breezy, or say 'Can you explain how you would have done it?' Not going to say there aren't a lot of power-crazy personalities in teaching because there absolutely and sadly are, but from what you've said here these examples sound rather benign. Good luck!

Hercisback · 15/01/2023 20:06

Kindly, I think you're reading too much into harmless comments.

Is it a job share or you using someone's room? (I know no one owns a room but...!)

How long did you have off?
How long had you been teaching before?

The return after mat leave can be confidence destroying. Not through anyone's particular fault but it is a tricky job to return to with no external support. Take it steady, do what you can and have faith in your abilities. They didn't dissolve the minute you had a child.

Badgerline · 16/01/2023 22:06

Do people not pick up the subtleties here? The person is undermining the OP.
The ' time to wrap up... ' comment - totally taking over.

Rowen32 · 16/01/2023 22:28

Was he not being nice in the first one? Trying to engage? Explaining his way of working and being really honest?
Second one - wanting to get his room sorted?
Third - sounds like he didn't know you had stuff on the table too and didn't want you to think you had to tidy up someone else's
But I understand we didn't hear them said/tone...

KickAssAngel · 16/01/2023 22:45

I'm a teacher and that would annoy me a little. It's an unspoken rule that you don't start telling another class what to do if their teacher is there. He could just be someone who's a bit over enthusiastic and thinks he's helping when really he's stepping on your toes, or he could be a cunt who thinks he runs the world. At no point is he acknowledging that you know what you're doing.

If it's annoying you more than a little, then maybe you need a break. But maybe you just tell yourself that he's a patronizing prat and call him that in your head, e.g he points out the bleeding obvious, in your head you say" week thank you, prat face, like I don't already know,"

Btw, do you have your own room? It sounds like you're moving around a lot that's tough, particularly when you're new. I hope you're being treated well and not just given the duty end of the stick because you're new

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