To think my dreams might not be THE dream

[Messybessy123]

I have adhd and have always gotten very restless whenever life seems to settle and it appears I have things that should make me happy.

One constant thought though is dreaming of living in a cottage by the seaside with fireplaces and long walks and close knit communities. I literally fantasise about this simple beautiful life.

I'm just wondering, if anyone lives this life - is it as wonderful as it seems?

For context I live a very (too) busy life in South East England, with husband and 2 young kids.

Hmmm...a cottage by the sea with an open fire...if you're well off it's attainable of course.
The close-knit community is more of a fantasy that would be realised by sheer luck I think. It's the stuff of tv dramas. 'Outsiders' are often largely ignored in these places, despite their best efforts to integrate. They're not needed you see, everyone's needs are already met by their families and those they grew up with.

That's not always true of course...but the notion of finding your tribe in an idyllic village is maybe a little naive.

Agree with the above.
The cottages with fireplace and walks will likely be attainable but expensive.
The community… well you don’t get to pick who they are do you? You might live by lovely people or maybe small minded unsociable complainers who get twisted out of shale about petty things. No guarantees!

The life you describe sounds lovely. But it relies on a few factors:

The idyllic seaside location needs to have people living there permanently, not just 2nd-homers who appear occasionally or let the property to holiday-makers. This is because non-residents will not keep local services running - schools, GP clinics, pharmacies etc.

The close-knit community needs to be loose enough to welcome a newcomer. This is not my experience in (sorry) Cornwall who seem to think you are stealing the cottage from the previous occupants.

The village shopkeeper needs to be discreet and not tell everyone that you have just bought wine/condoms/thrush cream.

Your cottage needs to be on the delivery route for supermarkets, Amazon whatever. Many are just too remote. For the same reason, it may be tricky to get plumber, electrician, builder.

The cottage layout and size of doors needs to accommodate new furniture. If you can't get your beds, wardrobes, settee, fridge in through the low front door, round those tricky bends/low ceilings in the hall way & staircase, then you can't have those beds, wardrobes, settee, fridge. You might not realise this until you try.

It will be more relaxing if not an area known for coastal erosion - parts of Devon, Cornwall, Suffolk plus others.

Also more relaxing if not a place where small boats of asylum-seeking migrants regularly arrive - Kent.

Otherwise, go for it!

Don't get rosy tinted views of what that actually means in day to day life. Yes it's great, but it's not all perfect. My parents live in a rural cottage with fireplaces and all that, and I grew up there. Fireplaces are lovely, but that also means cleaning out grates regularly, getting rid of ash (which goes everywhere), chopping logs, cleaning up bits of log and bits of ash, carrying logs constantly, and a gradual residue all over the walls. And your clothes smell of log smoke.
Plus you need to think about things like damp walls, draughty windows, and all that with a rural cottage. And the close knit communities are lovely when your neighbours are lovely, but they also know all your business, everything you do and where you go, and if you have a not nice neighbour then tough.

Well if that really is your heartfelt dream and the rest of your family want the same, I think you should go for it. We live in old house near the sea with fire, in v friendly village with lots of lovely long walks! so it is achievable if you can find jobs nearby. Being in a community where people frequently talk to each other in my experience does mean people help each other a lot. We have lots of friends within walking distance. Feeling a sense of belonging is priceless to me but I know village life is not for everyone. I think the important thing is to know what it is about eg fires, sea. lovely walks that you long for e.g. peace, space, calm etc then even if you cant move far you can find ways to change your current life to gain those things.

The dream is possibly a message from your unconscious brain, asking you to slow down. Other posters have outlined how difficult it is to achieve on a practical level, but maybe have a think about changes you can make to the life you already live. Good luck.

My mother in law has that but she is retired so actually gets to enjoy it! Her best friend has a daughter who lives in the village too and she finds it very hard - property is expensive because development is often blocked, the developments that do happen don’t scale up any infrastructure so the GPs and schools are well over capacity, there aren’t many opportunities for work outside of tourism which is hugely seasonal, and the internet is crap so most people can’t WFH if their job involves eg video calls. But as a retiree in generally good health she doesn’t need to worry about any of that and just goes on lovely long walks, knits, heads to the beach on a Wednesday afternoon, meets friends. It’s a lovely lifestyle but I suspect that it’s more the ‘well off retiree baby boomer’ but that appeals to me - if you have enough money and no children to worry about I suspect you can make almost anywhere idyllic!