Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

AIBU to contact DD ex friends mum?

25 replies

Happyface246 · 15/01/2023 07:42

My dd aged 16 had a falling out with her friend in March last year and they haven’t spoken since as far as I am aware. DD has since made friends with others and seems happy, ex friend has moved on too and gone to a different sixth form. In Kuly it was their prom and by mistake I texted ex friend thinking it was someone else inviting her over for a pre prom get together. Realising my mistake I then texted her again to say so sorry I’d make a mistake and texted the wrong person. No contact since. This morning I have received a long message saying I should never have sent the messsgr, the group was toxic etc. iMy husband thinks I should just message apologising again and just leave it at that. AIU in contacting the mum of the 16!year old friend to apologise and say what has happened? This has obviously distressed my daughters old friend and I don’t want to cross any lines. What would you do?

OP posts:

IScreamAtMichaelangelos · 15/01/2023 07:44

Who did you receive the long message from, the mum or the daughter? I wouldn't go dragging the mum into it, the daughter is old enough to accept an apology if she chooses.

ModerationInEverything · 15/01/2023 07:44

I'd stay out of it. It's been six months so I guess the drama has died down. No need to go stirring it up.

Brendabigbaps · 15/01/2023 07:44

Don’t do anything, your talking about getting into a conversation with a 16yr old who may still be feeling the pain etc of the fall out. Your reply and you’ll end up making it all last longer

toomuchfaster · 15/01/2023 07:50

I would just ignore it tbh.

TheVanguardSix · 15/01/2023 07:54

Text nobody. Leave it in the past. You risk creating drama and unwittingly dragging your DD back into a negative space she has likely worked very hard to free herself from. Let it go. Don’t even give this anymore thought.

SerenaTee · 15/01/2023 08:04

I’d leave it too, you apologised at the time and it’s odd to get that message out of the blue months later.

SlaveToTheVibe · 15/01/2023 08:47

leave it ffs

SiliconeHeaven · 15/01/2023 08:50

Definitely leave it. And delete her number from your phone so it doesn't happen again.

AffableApple · 15/01/2023 08:54

I'm so confused, why would you be texting any of your daughter's teenage friends about her prom arrangements? Also it sounds like your daughter could be a bully.

ClubhouseGift · 15/01/2023 08:56

Just ignore it. No need to drag everything back up again.

mikado1 · 15/01/2023 08:57

I personally would text and apologise again, so I could forget it then. I feel if I didn't reply it's there in my head. I'd keep it brief and simple and final and wouldn't text again or enter any conversation.

StubbleAndSqueak · 15/01/2023 08:57

AffableApple · 15/01/2023 08:54

I'm so confused, why would you be texting any of your daughter's teenage friends about her prom arrangements? Also it sounds like your daughter could be a bully.

I agree with your first point but how did you reach the conclusion that her daughter is a bully?????

harrassedmumto3 · 15/01/2023 08:58

AffableApple · 15/01/2023 08:54

I'm so confused, why would you be texting any of your daughter's teenage friends about her prom arrangements? Also it sounds like your daughter could be a bully.

Eh??
OP contacted the ex-friend's mother in error.
And how did you make the leap about the OP's daughter being a bully?

StubbleAndSqueak · 15/01/2023 08:58

*could be a bully @AffableApple

harrassedmumto3 · 15/01/2023 08:59

My mistake: I think the OP contacted ex-friend directly. But my point still stands about the bully conclusion!

TidyDancer · 15/01/2023 09:00

harrassedmumto3 · 15/01/2023 08:59

My mistake: I think the OP contacted ex-friend directly. But my point still stands about the bully conclusion!

I agree with this and I'm surprised others have been shocked you thought that. The reaction of the ex friend as distressed is what made me suspect it.

TidyDancer · 15/01/2023 09:01

Sorry meant to quote @AffableApple

underneaththeash · 15/01/2023 09:01

I suspect it was a wine on Saturday night text. I imagine she's slightly embarrassed now.....I would absolutely ignore it.

UncleQuentinsWife · 15/01/2023 09:01

OP contacted the ex-friend's mother in error.
I don't think she did. I think she contacted the teenager in error and now she is wondering if she should contact the mother.

TrodOnLegoAgain · 15/01/2023 09:02

I’d either send a very brief repetition of the apology- very simple and factual and not engaging with what she said about the group, just about your mistake with the text - or ignore. She obviously still upset but I’d resist any upping of the drama.

atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 15/01/2023 09:07

I'd just reiterate your apology for the wrong number and leave it at that

harrassedmumto3 · 15/01/2023 09:16

I'd leave it, OP. It has been MONTHS and you apologised at the time.

FormerGossip · 15/01/2023 09:23

Leave it. No need to extend the drama. She has said what she wanted to, hopefully getting it off her chest has helped.

Merple · 15/01/2023 09:52

I'm reading this as you invited her then from her point of view uninvited her, which might have been quite upsetting if they had nothing else planned. It's a tense time in the GCSE period and it's also a tense time for the DC with all the pre and after prom stuff, as some invariably get left out. I would text her and apologise again but just make it clear what happened as in you meant to text someone else and picked the wrong contact.

ShakespearesBlister · 15/01/2023 10:01

This happened 6 months ago and it took her until yesterday to say she wasn't happy? It is possible her daughter did not tell her about the message until recently but all I see you doing now is digging an even deeper hole by replying to grovel about how sorry you are. Just leave it. Say nothing. You sent the message by mistake and it's taken her mother half a year to complain. As I said, it's possible the mother didn't know u til recently but it doesn't really matter now because the damage is done. Just be a little more observant who you are texting in future.

Flip