Partner doesn’t want to move in together

[Jojoskia]

Hey

Please tell if I'm being unreasonable ? English isn't my first language so I so apologise for my grammar in advance.

Me and my partner been together for almost 2 years and I’d like to move in together within a year or so but he doesn’t think its a good idea. We have 3 children between us,2 boys 14,10 and a girl 7. They do get along really well.We both are main carers of our children and they see other parents.
He has temporarily moved in his dad and stepmom year ago due to being evicted from the property he was living and now he decided that he wants to stay there for another couple of years to save money for our future and at the moment he has a lot of spare cash due to not having bills.His main argument is that we cannot afford to live together and we would be struggling with money, childcare arrangements etc and we both would have to work at-least 40+ h a week to survive , we both work just under 30 hours at the moment .He also mentioned that he wants to spend as much time with his daughter before she grows up and working full time would prevent it from happening.
There is this weird dynamic in their house, his step mum doesn’t have any biological children so she acts like his daughters mum (if it makes sense?) like making all decisions regarding her and my partner lets her.He doesn’t have any responsibilities there,I feel like my partner enjoys being treated like a child and having everything done for him
so he wants to drag it out as long as he can. When he is at mine he does help out a lot and I’m not worrying about him not doing anything if we move in together. I love this man and this is the healthiest relationship I’ve been in .The problem is that I don’t want to be a mug waiting 3/5 or more years until/if he decides that its time to be a grown up again and move out of there. My head says that I should walk away but my heart wants to stay in this relationship. I don’t know what to do…

Is your partner right about the financial situation and that you would have to increase hours and still struggle with money? That's an important concern that will impact the kids and their quality of life

Why was he evicted?

According to my calculations we wouldn’t struggle , but my partner disagrees

Don't rush in here op.
I strongly feel that if you bide your time and watch ,certain issues will come to light and give you cause to be relieved you waited .

If you did have to increase working hours and still struggle financially, this could impact on your quality of life together as well as affecting the kids.
You would hardly spend time together despite living under the same roof.
Maybe he has a point regarding the finances

He is putting his child first, He should be applying for that. So many people ‘blend’ families with no care for the existing children.

Thank you,I can see things from a different prospective now !x

Mumsnet is heavily against moving together when children are involved. You'll probably hear that two years isn't enough to even consider it and loads of "putting children first".

I don't think he is putting his children first, I'd say he sounds lazy and just not wanting to parent fulltime himself when he can avoid it.

I'd say there's nothing wrong in wanting to live together and I'd say that observing adult interactions in everyday life is very important experience for children.
In the same time it is ok to not want to live together for whatever reason and that might be his case.

Maybe don't focus now on solving technicalities yourself, because it's hard to tell whether he sees real obstacles or uses handy excuses. You need a discussion about wanting, whether he'd want to start exploring the options which would allow it. If he can't say "yes, I'd like to live with you" and actually back it up by starting planning, you'll have your information.

I think you need to get in the mindset of ‘it’s only a problem if you make it a problem’. I am in a similar situation - bf of 2.5 years, no plans to live together. He doesn’t have DC, I do.

It’s easy to get dragged down with societal expectations and other people’s opinions, but rather than feeling things aren’t progressing, maybe consider the positives of your situation instead. You’re happy and in a great relationship with a man you love, now obviously isn’t the right time to live together otherwise it would be happening.

In my case, for him it’s his work situation and he’s never been in a serious relationship before so it’s a definite slow burner. For me, it’s my DC, they like our family unit as it is and although they like my bf, they prefer it when it’s just us. So the current situation works for everyone. If I wanted to go down the road of finding problems or reasons to end it, I could (eg he doesn’t want to live with me, no talk of marriage blah blah blah). But instead I focus on the fact that I’m with someone really special and every bit of time we spend together is a joy. It’s really made me look at relationships a different way, I don’t get bogged down with ‘where is it all going’, and just take it day by day. If I’m happy today, that’s all I need to know and no need to dwell on it further. And he does make me very happy.

I agree. Your children are still young and get on but dynamics change when all are living together. Two years is not so long. Why not just enjoy the relationship for what it is at the moment? Have fun.

This thread is 3 months old. Why bring it back to life?

Why are you so keen to move in together? Surely 'dating' means you enjoy quality time together without all the tediousness of sharing a house, finances and chores? And your sons are heading towards their teenage years ... is it really fair to move a man into their home?
You obviously haven't read enough threads on here about step parenting and blended families....

Wonder what happened....