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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbours children

23 replies

blueberryb · 14/01/2023 22:29

I moved into this house last year and have made decent friends with both side of my neighbours.

My sons are 2&5.
Neighbour on left has daughters (8,9)
Neighbour on right (12,6)

The status quo of the 7 years is the previous tenants never used the garden and let the neighbour children play as there is only small fence diving. (Can climb over)

Problem is, I've been too kind and let them play (when my children are there, as parents are there too) but my children can't even play on the swings etc as the other kids are and my sons water station, he's only 2, he has tantrums and wants to use it, and they don't let him.
I do mention that they have to share but it goes unheard of.

Essentially my children can't even play with their own garden toys because EVERY time we are out there (rain even) the neighbours send their kids out.

They both have filled their gardens up with so much stuff and basically kid unfriendly because they knew they had this middle garden to play with!

I have said that, I don't expect anyone playing when I'm not in, and when they did, my husband did tell them to go home which then they told me they thought it was quite petty.

How do I solve this?

OP posts:

NerrSnerr · 14/01/2023 22:32

It's your garden so you can say no and put fences up (if the actual fence is owned by neighbours you can put higher ones on your side of boundary.

If the children are not letting your child play with their own toys you send them home straight away. You can't let other people's children stop your child playing with his own toys!

TheSpottedZebra · 14/01/2023 22:32

You're getting a dog and you need higher fences. So you get the fences. But then there was a problem and you cant get the dog.

Or you could just speak to them? But I'd get the fence tbh.

Icantstopthisfeeling · 14/01/2023 22:33

When they don’t let your DC play tell them to go back to their own garden now, or maybe just put a 6ft fence up. Very unfair for your DC to be upset because he wants to play on his things!
‘Good fences make good neighbours’

TheSpottedZebra · 14/01/2023 22:34

Wait... when they told you your husband was petty, what did you say?

ShakespearesBlister · 14/01/2023 22:35

They told you they thought it was petty? Put a fence up. Immediately. They are taking the piss. You are not the previous tenant and don't have to be their doormat.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 14/01/2023 22:35

Tell both sides you are considering getting a ddog. And therefore new fencing is a must. Suggest they will be welcome to come meet new ddog when it has settled in.
Be vague about when if you def have no plans to. But def get the fence ASAP.

ClubhouseGift · 14/01/2023 22:38

Just put up a high fence and send them home every time. Don’t let them play anymore.

CloudSunLeavesCoud · 14/01/2023 22:41

I’d go with the dog idea too. It’s non confrontational and can’t be viewed as petty. Or you send the kids home every time they don’t let your kids play with their toys but I think you’ll get told your petty again and get labelled as difficult (you’re not but both families have got used to being quite unreasonable).

or you say that you want your kids to play out without you supervising their every move and therefore a secure fence is necessary to ensure your children can’t wander off. But you may have to pay for the fences yourself as I doubt they will, they don’t want them after all.

takealettermsjones · 14/01/2023 22:44

I'd tell them the truth tbh. Their kids are preventing your kids from playing with their own toys and it's too much to be having to supervise multiple kids every time your kids want to play. If you start making up reasons I'd be worried the neighbours will come up with "solutions".

maddy68 · 14/01/2023 22:47

You have to say. That the arrangement is no longer working for you. And hope they aren't offended.

That's a complete sentence.

Maybe just drop a text

ButterCrackers · 14/01/2023 22:55

Tell them that the kids can’t play in your garden anymore because it’s a space for your kids now that they are older. Say that your kids have to be able to play in their own space unhindered. That you’ll send back the neighbours kids every time.

Prescottdanni123 · 14/01/2023 22:56

Higher fences.

In the mean time, be firm if they are not letting your kids have a turn on their own toys. If you say "You've been on the swing for a while now, it's DS' turn," and they ignore you, send them home.

Beautiful3 · 14/01/2023 23:01

You're doing something that benefits other children, but disadvantages your children. It's their garden and they should have a safe place to play, with unlimited access to their toys. I'd put up high fences both sides and end it now. Why would you do that to your children? It's not reciprocated and the neighbours have their own gardens to use. If they ask, just say I'm sorry but I can't share the garden anymore, because it's not working out, as my kids can't get onto anything. It's causing tantrums and I don't want to do it anymore.

Original poster

blueberryb · 14/01/2023 23:02

TheSpottedZebra · 14/01/2023 22:34

Wait... when they told you your husband was petty, what did you say?

I said, if your child had been injured or something serious had happened, he would have felt responsible as it's in our garden and it's a security issue.

She said "oh fair enough" and walked off.

Feel as if they saw me coming from a mile off as I can lack setting boundaries.

OP posts:

Original poster

blueberryb · 14/01/2023 23:04

Beautiful3 · 14/01/2023 23:01

Spot on.

I will sort this tomorrow!

OP posts:

BungleandGeorge · 14/01/2023 23:07

Are you renting? If you’ve bought the house I’d get fences up asap.
they’re sending they’re kids out to be entertained by you using your childrens’ toys!

GerronBuzanDoThaWomwok · 14/01/2023 23:07

Get a dog to avoid a difficult conversation?
Don't complain, don't explain.
Put up a tall fence ffs.

bellabasset · 14/01/2023 23:09

I would put up higher fences if that's not against any tenancy agreement. Otherwise I'd put planters against the boundaries. Be honest with your neighbours that your dcs want to play with their toys in their garden on their own some of the time. It's not convenient for the children to treat it as their space, only when they're invited.

searchingforme · 14/01/2023 23:11

I would have nipped this in the bud straight away and I hate confrontation but when it comes to my home and privacy I hate having anyone in my space that isn’t in invited (can’t deal with pop ins) so this situation would be a nightmare for me! Put a fence up pronto! Sorry you’re dealing with this! The parent should know better.

Youdoyoubabe · 14/01/2023 23:14

Yeah, you’ll have to tell them or just accept that your garden has become the local rec.

gives me fond memories of living next door but one to another family with 4 kids abs in between was a student house where they never used the garden. No fences, so we each had our own gardens and then this jungle type garden in between. Once a year in autumn the parents made us chop it all down and we had a big bonfire and fireworks abs this was literally the only day of the year we ever laid eyes on the students. Rest of the time we were free to roam.

1ittlegreen · 14/01/2023 23:19

You're the parent, advocate for your own children as no one else will do it. What's the worse that can happen if you nip this in the bud?

Spectre8 · 14/01/2023 23:42

Just put fences up its your garden to do what you like with. Don't fanny about just get it done. What pisstakers most people would be apologising profusely.

billy1966 · 14/01/2023 23:53

@Beautiful3 has nailed it.

Hugely unfair on YOUR children.

The are all CF's.

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