To reject money as a solution

[Betyboo333]

My husband has started a successful business which he works hard on, and it will hopefully provide a big windfall for the family over the next few years.

However I am feeling resentful that despite also having a stressful full time job, I am having to pick up the lion's share of kid and house responsibilities. I know this is unfortunately not that unusual but it's making me miserable and grumpy. My husband has acknowledged that he has no interest in helping with these things, but sees that it is causing stress for me and for our relationship. Instead of helping, he wants to throw money at it by hiring a cleaner/housekeeper every day (currently have a cleaner once a week) to do what I see as our shared responsibilities... tidying, washing, cooking, kid stuff. For me this is completely missing the point...I want a husband that is present and contributes, not just a financial provider. I've also always been fairly prudent with money and this just feels completely frivolous. AIBU?? Or should I just be grateful that he's offering to pay for someone to take this stuff off my plate?

If he can earn more working & outsourcing his share of household duties, it makes all kinds of sense to outsource it. Decide what's most financially & convenient split of jobs & he can take on the admin & pay for his share. I'd arrange for someone tk do all the washing or clean all the floors/windows

YABU.

It's not more virtuous to do the cleaning himself or yourself when you can afford to pay someone else to do it.

I've just arranged a cleaner to come next week and am hoping to have her weekly. I can't wait. I don't want to spend my down time cleaning and neither does DH.

Tell him you need a nanny as well to do the ‘kid stuff’ .

This. It's all very well getting the domestic stuff outsourced but if he can't share equally the childcare and life admin then you need to outsource that too.

My husband has started a successful business which he works hard on, and it will hopefully provide a big windfall for the family over the next few years.

Given this above, pay for the help. He's going to revolutionise your life financially. Unless you don't want this??

Everyone in the family misses out when the dad is a workaholic, including the dad.

As long as both parents are earning enough to live comfortably, that is all that is necessary. Usually, the big windfall never comes and, even if it does, the hours never reduce. You need shit loads of money to actually be wealthy, it is not worth it.

It sets a really bad precedent and a terrible example if mum can work for the family (as well as bringing in a wage), but dad is too important.

He is not being a team player and partner. I think a fundamental discussion is needed about what each of you think are the important things in a family and a marriage.