To want to stop DS copying DD?

[wouldthatbeworse]

maybe not an AIBU but here goes … DS3.5 copies his beloved sister DD7 all the time. He has the same favourite toy/colour/breakfast cereal/tv show/etc as her. She’s enjoyed the flattery but is now getting really annoyed. She tried to pick new favourites but he either copies again or it’s obvious she really wanted the whatever DS now has. He also follows her a lot (which at least gives me a break) and will mimic other actions e.g taking dicks off if she takes hers off. All small things but I want DS to be able to find his own likes and dislikes and I want DD to be able to have stuff that is hers. Any advice?

Dicks = socks. Otherwise would be an entirely different post.

I get that you want DS to have his own interest but this is part of that. Copying and imitating people we admire is a key part of developing our own identity.

I’d try and talk to DD about it - she is old enough to understand he is doing no harm by saying ‘I love blue too, it’s my favourite!’ Maybe sometimes give him the opportunity to speak first and let DD big him up - if he chooses Paw Patrol for his favourite show and she makes a big fuss of wow amazing choice, that’s really cool, then he has confidence in making his own choice and knowing his sister will still think he is cool.

Make sure your DD has some time to herself and time with you without DS around - at 7 she'll be developing her own identity and much as DS is. Important she doesn't feel stifled while understanding that it's a normal part of having siblings

I think this is fairly normal-if irritating.

One thing I remember saying to dd1 was that it was absolutely fine her wanting to have a specific thing (like the purple plate) but if she had a quiet word with me rather than making a fuss about having the purple plate then her younger siblings were less likely to also want it.
It took a long time before she did actually take that in enough to not do that 🤣
Then she got rather too good for a while at calling out "I must have the blue plate" and letting her siblings fight over that one while she quietly picked the one she really wanted. 🤣

What I will say though is try and give her some interests that he doesn't do, or at any rate if he does do, he does with a different group. So if she wants to learn the piano, he learns the flute type of thing.

Dm used to push my younger brother to do whatever I did (I didn't tend to do what my older sibling did), and I really found it difficult. For a start off it often meant my things were taken from me and given to him when he needed them and I was then using something that was too big for me (he was only slightly smaller than me, although several years younger) and also I felt I could never match up to him. If I did things better-well, I was older and it was expected so not worth anyone saying things. If he did thing well, then wasn't it amazing, he was challenging me and everyone should be really impressed.
It mucked our relationship up for years and I felt I was never good at anything.

Also make sure that she can have her own space to do older things without him. If she's friends round let them play without him, if she's doing something that is her interest, he doesn't have to join in etc.
When she is doing her own thing, it's a perfect time for him to develop his own thoughts. Let him choose something and do it.

seems Normal phase, I wouldn’t worry it’ll pass and onto the next thing!

My youngest are 6 and 4. I've enrolled the oldest in dance just so she can have something that he can't copy. It's helped a lot.

Don’t make an issue of it. They grow out of it. My first little brother was the same. In fact his first words were “me too” as he was my little shadow. Felt all the same feelings, but we had some great times together and are still very close. They do develop their own minds fairly quickly.

Thank you for your kind and helpful replies. I hadn’t really thought of it in terms of building the confidence of the younger one. I do know it will pass and conflict is part of having more than one kid but always keen to avoid a battle before 8 am.

You cant control it. Its just one of those things.

I know 2 sisters in their 30s who still love to have everything the same as each other since they were little and they are the best of friends. I followed my sister around wanting to copy her and be like her and she just hated me. Haven't spoken in 8 years.

You really cant have any control over the bond they have or what they like or if they bother each other much.