To ask for help in coping with misophonia / neighbour music

[newhome7]

I will start by saying I believe I have some level of misophonia. DIY noise, traffic noise, people shouting outside on the street etc, doesn't bother me in the slightest, in fact I prefer to live on a busy road as I like the ambient traffic noises! I struggle majorly with hearing the noise of other people's music, eg neighbours music, in my own home.

Long story short, DH and I have just moved to a new city for his job. We've unfortunately lived in a number of places over the past few years which have been miserable due to selfish neighbours and very loud music. So I am now extra aware of neighbour music. I don't need silence, I definitely don't expect it living in a city. It's just that music from neighbour's sets something off in my brain and I can't cope.

We're now in our new place, lovely old quirky building with a really strong community feel. Landlord is great, a few of the residents have lived here for 20+ years. We are top floor and have someone below us.

The man in the flat below us has been playing music for 4+ hours today. I am thankful because it's not rap/dance or anything with a booming bass and it's not shaking-the-shelves loud, but its loud enough that I can hear it in every room.

But I am aware that it absolutely could be worse. That he has been quiet all week and is likely just enjoying some music on on a Saturday, he isn't being antisocial and it likely sounds worse due to poor soundproofing from a quirky building. There is a voice in my brain telling myself that I'm being unreasonable, I need to chill out and just put my own music on or just ignore it.

But my brain just can't cope. I find myself listening for it, I turn the TV off because somehow my ears seem to hear it louder over other noises? My heart races and I feel panicky.

It feels worse because my lovely husband isn't phased by it at all, particularly in comparison to previous neighbours in the past which have been antisocial. So he then starts worrying about me and I can tell he absolutely adores our new flat so is dreading the idea that I will begin to hate it.

A question for any other misophonia suffers or those with sensitive hearing: How can I train my brain to cope better? Does anyone have any tips?

I am hopeful that because I am aware that the issues lies with me, basically I know that I have an issue and I am the only one that can do anything about it, I will be able to make some changes to help myself.

I don't have an answer but I 100% sympathise.

Thank you, it's appreciated. Being inside your own head when having a 'misophonia meltdown' is a really lonely and isolating place to be.

I absolutely feel your pain op. Every night I try to get to sleep in an anxious state of knowing at before 6 am I will be woken by some twats ddog barking. 7 days a week.

It would do my head in to be honest, but try AirPods Pro - even with no music of yours playing in them the noise cancelling should help a lot.

I despise being forced to put up with other peoples music so I use the best in-ear monitors I can (Etymotic are a good brand).

Yep I can 100% relate! It's like living in a constant state of anxiety, either dealing with the noise you're hearing or anxiously waiting for the noise to begin.

DH always says 'why are you worrying about things that haven't happened yet, or that you have no control over if they do?' but it isn't that simple. Believe me, I wouldn't be worrying if I had a choice!

Brilliant, thank you. I have been debating getting some airpods so this has just convinced me!

This is why I live in noise cancelling headphones several years after living in a really noisy place and feel sick when music plays, even for a few minutes from a car nearby.

I don't think some humans were designed to put up with the sounds we live through all the time these days.

Try Loop earplugs which are way better than normal earplugs, someone with auditory sensory issues I know wears them at home

I would agree with noise cancelling headphones or the little noise reducing earplugs designed for people with noise sensitivities, if you don’t want to have other sound playing. This wired review article might be helpful www.wired.co.uk/article/earplugs-sound-sensitivity

Noise-cancelling headphones work for me too. I don’t know where I’d be without them now.

Loop earplugs or if you can afford them, AirPods Pro.
And I'd consider not living in a communal building.

We've unfortunately lived in a number of places over the past few years which have been miserable due to selfish neighbours and very loud music

Either you have been very unlucky and have had selfish neighbours OR you are unreasonably sensitive to other people's noise. If the latter, you're unlikely to be happy living in a flat.

Is it possible to move?

Or add much soundproofing as you can to the floors?

*as much

I'm like your, OP. I HATE noise from other people.

I don't mind noise of a thunderstorm, loud rain on a roof, howling wind etc, since that's a natural noise that can't be helped.

But the noise of someone else's TV, music, gaming, etc drives me crazy, since it's avoidable. If they didn't play their music/TV at too high a volume, there would be no problem.

In my semi-d house, I put in soundproof walls along the attached wall. Luckily my neighbours are quiet anyway. I dread them getting a dog in case it barks at unsociable hours.

I feel for you. Could you politely ask the neighbour to reduce the volume a bit? Or put in more rugs to dampen the noise. Or psychologically console yourself that he's quiet during the week, so it could be worse?

I'm exactly the same OP and it's particularly music that affects me, or similar very repetitive long-lasting noises. Intrusive music reduces me to a shell and makes me utterly, utterly miserable. It's such a strange affliction because other noises don't bother me really. I hope you can find a solution.

You poor thing. I understand. I am very sensitive to this as well, after an awful experience with neighbours in a flat some years ago. They were evicted by their landlord in the end, but since then I've been forever on edge when music starts up. I know this is about me, not my (mostly lovely) neighbours. I also hate anything (at all) in my ears so can't use the usual methods.

So nothing but sympathy here.

I can empathize 100 %
I read your post and thought "that's me writing this!"
I've moved to a detached property to escape horrendous neighbours in a run down semi. Even now, 18 months later I'm still ultra sensitive.
Neighbours played music in their garden for a few hours at the weekend. I nearly had a heart attack with the stress and panic.

I don't know what the answer is for any of us in this situation. You have my utmost sympathy