My life's a fucking mess!

[whatevenissleepanymore]

My mental health is battered. I'm barely functioning and cannot seem to rationalise any of my thoughts or even begin to fathom how to make a start on resolving the way I feel or get into a clear enough headspace to make a plan on how to try to pick up the pieces.

Ive knew for quite some time now that I've been mentally unwell but it's really ramped up within the past 12 months and I've let it spiral so much that I can't see a way out or even begin to think it's fixable.

I only began to feel like this once my daughter was born in 2019. I can't remember ever feeling like this prior to her birth. I presume I must of had PND but it was never diagnosed and I never sought professional help for it.

I often wonder if I have ADHD although I've never done any extensive research on it as my brain feels so overwhelmed all the time that I can't seem to focus or take in any of the information I read.

I get super triggered by my house being a mess. Things being out of place. Clutter. Dust, crumbs, toys being left out, the never ending list of tasks, life admin, trying to keep on top of everything while working a full time job. I feel like all I do is clean but nothing ever looks clean.

I'm just a shell of the person I was before. Im 6 stone heavier, never make an effort with my appearance (a week can go by and I haven't brushed my hair!), barely remember to take my thyroid medication, don't hydrate myself, have no social life, finances are a fucking mess, relationship with partner is in the toilet, no sex drive, a slave to my home etc.

What the fuck is wrong with me?! How have I let my life get like this! I'm going to ruin my daughters life if I don't sort my shit out but I can't seem to help myself.

I'm sorry to hear things are so bad. What does your partner do to help alleviate the pressure you feel? Housework, parenting etc. Do you feel supported by them?

I think I'd start by seeing the GP.
Sorry you feel like this. It's rubbish but can anyone support you to make that call on Monday?

He does nothing unless forced. He's an incredible father but that's as far as it goes really. He doesn't help me in the slightest unless I nag and nag. Everything is 'I'll do it later' or 'I'll do it tomorrow'.

I'm just so sick of constantly feeling overwhelmed. It isn't normal to feel this overwhelmed every single waking minute of the day.

Print your post and take it to the gp

I felt very overwhelmed when going though the process of getting an autism diagnosis for my son. Plus the mess he makes and his behaviour. I felt like I was almost drowning. I went to GP and was prescribed an antidepressant sertraline. It took the edge off so I could manage better. The never ending repetitive daily grind that you get no thanks for, the mess young children make and barely having free time can be soul crushing.

Agree with visiting Dr. In the meantime focus on the essentials: when do you have to take your thyroid meds? DH has to take then in the morning 30 minutes before eating. So the packet is on his bedside table with a bottle of water. Before getting up he takes his meds immediately.

If you did that then you could also combine it with a big long drink of water (helping hydration).

DS takes his meds with food. So its on his breakfast plate. Its become an ingrained habit.

As for other steps - do you want help organising stuff from this thread or is it mainly a rant? Either is ok but I don't want to overwhelm you with suggestions if you just want a rant.

For context, both my DC have ADHD. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the past but having researched ADHD for my boys, I'm fairly sure I have it, and it is that which have overwhelmed me in the past and caused stress and depression. Ive got lots of coping strategies in place now.

There are lots of things that could be part of this - but the GP should be the first port of call. You may benefit from working with a therapist, taking meds, having some couples counselling with your partner if he will - there are loads of things. When we get in a slump it is really hard to start sorting things out because we tend to look at the enormity of everything - but working with someone could help you start sorting through it all. Good luck, sorry life is so hard right now.

I actually think it is perfectly normal to feel permanently overwhelmed with working full time, young child and a useless, selfish non- partner ( he’s not a great Dad by the way, a great Dad would not want the mother ground down through sheer overwork, like you are. A great dad would want the mum to be ok). That volume of sheer stuff to be done is overwhelming.

However, the other things you describe mean you should seek help to get yourself back on track.

This sounds like me till last year, I didn’t seek help from the GP but wish I did as I think it would have helped me alot sooner. I had post partum psychosis right after having my daughter, hit me like a ton of bricks and it took me a long time to recover.

Before having my daughter I had pretty good energy, good social life, I loved getting ready each day, I felt put together and was always doing new fun things.
I had my daughter in 2019 also, I think a mix of being a mum, Covid, lockdowns and for me working from home all contributed to it. I’d also put on alot of weight, I just lost my get up and go. Getting a shower was a big effort for me, I’d isolated myself a lot from my friends, my family, I became really snappy towards my husband, I just didn’t really enjoy anything anymore. I hadn’t realised but I could go days without going outside. I would have gone stir crazy if I was in just for 1 day pre baby. I’d spend hours and hours cleaning and then one day my husband suggested we get a cleaner so I could actually enjoy my free time. I didn’t actually go ahead with it because I felt like it was alot of money but I do know people who really find it beneficial. What I did take from it was, I said to my husband if he thinks we can afford a cleaner then instead of that money being spent there, I’d rather spend the money on something for myself a coffee out, getting my nails done, a nice hair mask etc, anything for self care. I’m not sure what happened but a penny dropped for me and I thought I have to stop feeling like this, I have to do things I use to do pre baby. The trouble I found was having the time and the energy. I know it’s not always possible and I know it costs money but if you can, I put my daughter into nursery 1 day a week and I have that 1 day to myself. The rule is I’m not allowed to clean for longer than 2 hours, which enough to have a quick whip round and the rest of the day I have to do things I enjoy. Even if it’s a bath and watching Netflix, seeing friends, going for a walk, anything that is self care. I’ve also forced myself to shower each day, bought nice products that are a treat, get my clothes out the night before so I can’t jump into joggers and a hoodie. I also put earrings in and a bit of make up on. I know it probably sounds daft to alot of people but it has helped me, I think I lost my identity and just became mum. I’m not saying you have to wear make up to feel good but it’s something I use to do. Maybe it would help to make a list of things you use to do before and revisit those? Getting sleep is important, eating well, drinking water and exercise. I didn’t buy into it and I couldn’t be arsed but it really has helped. That and self care. I would reach out to the Dr’s though and know that this is fixable ❤️, your doing something about it as you’ve posted on here, you want things to change, you’ve taken the first step x