Son

[Dinkiedoo]

Ive just been in hospital for a week. My son has texted me and I underplayed the seriousness of condition. But he hasnt been to see me . There are various excuses which I accept but I am hurt. AIBU ?

If you accept them, then why are you hurt???? You told him it wasn't serious. If you had told him it was serious, do you think he would have come???

No choice but to accept.
Son suffers from severe anxiety. Did not want him upset or getting panic attacks.

You underplayed it so why would he visit?

hospital visits are difficult, at the best of times

How far away does he live and what other responsibilities does he have, job, kids etc?

Sorry you're not well OP.

No job no kids.
Ive improved so out of hossy
He lives about an hour away.
Maybe just being sensitive as still poorly. Never been in hospital before !

Could other family members be playing it down to him because of his issues?
So he doesn't fully understand your situation?

You underplayed and he has anxiety there’s the answer

YABU. You deliberately underplayed it knowing he has anxiety, so why do you think he would come?

YABU, you didn’t tell him how bad it was, he has severe anxiety, and he lives an hour away... Considering you lied about how bad it was because of his anxiety, why did you even want him to visit you and get a shock that you were worse than you said and then obviously have a panic attack?

If your DS is anxious he really won't appreciate these sorts of mind games where you play something down and then hope he'll see through that. It can be really stressful dealing with people who do that.

Ask for what you want, don't expect people to just guess.

I have a DD with germ anxiety. Going to a hospital to visit someone would be highly difficult for her so wouldn't be done lightly so I think on balance YABU.
If you wanted him to visit you needed to explain it was serious and say you wanted him to visit.

If he has severe anxiety why would you want to put him through that?

You can't measure him by a hospital visit or not given his problems, you are out now so it is not critical he visits or anything.

Come on op, time for big pants - you are out, you are fine - you did the right thing underplaying your condition. I hope your son gets better, and you recover in your own bed. Best place to be.

Tell him the truth

YABU. Lots of anxiety is created by trying to figure out the subtext. If you want somebody to do something then try being straightforward. You don’t have to be dramatic and pretend it’s life and death but telling someone an hour away that you are absolutely fine isn’t going to get the response you want. You could have said “Hopefully I will be well enough to go home early next week. I’d really appreciate a visit in the meantime though.”. There is a huge middle ground between “it’s really serious. Come now!” And “I’m fine, I don’t need anything.”. Stop trying to make him guess what you want and be clear. It’s hard enough playing these games when you don’t have anxiety.

If you wanted him to visit, you should have said so. You can still say it’s nothing serious but I’ll be here for a few days and I’d really appreciate seeing you.