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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is well weird?

9 replies

missb10 · 13/01/2023 23:52

Like many people, I was in a relationship with a boy my own age when we were teenagers, which lasted for quite a while. We even talked about getting engaged, but we both married other people. We have both been single again for several years. Recently I have been reacquainted with his parents through a local community group, although I have not met him. Sadly, his mother died last year and I have been asking after his father, through some mutual friends, as I was concerned about him being widowed. We all meet sometimes at the community group (not my ex). Anyway, the other week I happened to meet his father at the local shops, we wished each other Happy New Year and had a friendly hug, or so I thought. The next day he sent me a message asking me for coffee, which I accepted as I thought he was just being friendly and wanting a bit of company as he is on his own. But then he started telling me how beautiful I look and how he has wanted to take me out for ages. Don't forget, his wife, my former boyfriend's mum, has not been in her grave a year. His children are all about my age. I started making excuses for not going out and thankfully he backed off, so hopefully he has got the message. Don't you think this is really weird though - he's twenty years older than me and could have been my father-in-law. I even wonder if there is something wrong with him.

OP posts:
Stopthebusplease · 14/01/2023 00:40

Was the marriage a good one as far as you know OP? The reason I ask, is that if it was, then he's probably desperate for some female company, and because you're no longer a child, he probably isn't thinking straight and has taken your interest in him, as a come on.

JaneJeffer · 14/01/2023 00:42

I saw the same story on here a couple of days ago.

Testina · 14/01/2023 00:47

”well weird” - that’s a blast from the past 🤣

He sounds grim. I’d back right off.
Not for the length of time since his wife died. We all grieve differently. But going after someone young enough to be his daughter 🤮

Xdecd · 14/01/2023 00:55

It's creepy that he's approached someone the age of his children, especially someone who actually had a relationship with one of them.

But YABU to judge him for seeking a new romance. You don't know anything about his marriage or how he is grieving.

missb10 · 14/01/2023 19:38

Stopthebusplease · 14/01/2023 00:40

Was the marriage a good one as far as you know OP? The reason I ask, is that if it was, then he's probably desperate for some female company, and because you're no longer a child, he probably isn't thinking straight and has taken your interest in him, as a come on.

Yes, AFAIK it was a good marriage - they were together for a long time. He seems to be trying to cope by showing a happy face in public. I understand about him wanting female company, but why can't he find somebody nearer his own age, or at least somebody who is remotely interested in a relationship?

OP posts:
zen1 · 14/01/2023 19:40

Yes because he knew you when he was an adult and you were a child / teen.

TheMightyOak · 14/01/2023 19:41

I thought you were going to say he wanted to set you up with his son again. No, that is weird, I’d steer clear.

Mummieslncorporated · 14/01/2023 19:43

Not unusual, I suspect.

I've had two older men show interest in me after their wives died. One former employer and one customer at work.

It's well known that women cope better after a relationship ends (for whatever reason) than men. I don't think it's 'well weird'. I think it's just a lonely person reaching out for companionship, but looking in the wrong place. People often mistake friendliness for something more. You have dinner the right thing, hopefully your message is clear.

missb10 · 14/01/2023 20:58

Mummieslncorporated · 14/01/2023 19:43

Not unusual, I suspect.

I've had two older men show interest in me after their wives died. One former employer and one customer at work.

It's well known that women cope better after a relationship ends (for whatever reason) than men. I don't think it's 'well weird'. I think it's just a lonely person reaching out for companionship, but looking in the wrong place. People often mistake friendliness for something more. You have dinner the right thing, hopefully your message is clear.

Older men, maybe, but not my ex boyfriend's father!

OP posts:
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