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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Operation day before daughters residential

13 replies

twoblueskies · 13/01/2023 22:44

I've been on waiting list for 2 years for an operation that is going to change my deteriorating health for the better.

A date has been given but it's the day before my 8 year goes away with school for her first residential . Because of covid this is her first opportunity.

I'm feeling really anxious about not being there to wave her off but her dad will .

I've told her and she's being really positive to me but has mentioned to her teacher she is worried about me going into hospital

Anyone able to offer me reassurance or ideas for how to make it the best it can be .

OP posts:

saturnisturning · 13/01/2023 22:47

Ah I know why you’re feeling the way you are.

let her go and keep normality going for her.

hope the operation goes well and your daughter enjoys her trip xx

saturnisturning · 13/01/2023 22:48

Sorry I meant to add - reassure your daughter that you’ll be ok.

Original poster

twoblueskies · 13/01/2023 22:51

Thankyou , I've had an operation before when she was 5 so she knows I came out before ok but I'm just worried I'll be operated on the day before she goes . I've told her teacher and that's why I know she's already mentioned it .

I can't not have operation , just worried it will ruin it for her x

OP posts:

chantico · 13/01/2023 22:51

She'd be worried about your going to hospital whenever it happened.

You need to be calm and reassuring and, as the op's the day before, hopefully she'll be going off knowing you're OK.

Yes it's fine to be dropped off by either parent before a school trip. Just remember to pick her up!

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 13/01/2023 22:52

I understand how you feel but I actually think the timing is perfect as it will give you a few days rest and recovery while your daughter is away having fun.

DickeryDock · 13/01/2023 23:03

I know they normally don’t like parents to have contact but I think in this instance the school allow your daughter ti have a chat on phone to you while she is away

SomePosters · 13/01/2023 23:07

It will probably be a great distraction from being worried at home.
Hopefully you’ll be home before she’s even really missed you not being in the house.

I think it’s great timing. Better just before than while away.

snowtrees · 13/01/2023 23:38

Talk to school. Put a plan in place.
Due to covid loads of DC have had no trips away and loads have anxieties.
Focus on the positives and the timing will be good

snowtrees · 13/01/2023 23:39

I say that as a parent who's DC have just done trips.

KickAssAngel · 13/01/2023 23:51

Will you be able to talk to her by phone before she leaves? I think if you're able to do that she'll be fine. Tell her how you'll be able to rest properly while she's on her trip and then you'll be better and able to hear about all the fun

minipie · 13/01/2023 23:53

Can you or your DH send a message via teacher as soon as operation is finished/you wake up?

Most likely she will be so busy with activities she’ll forget about it but in case she is worrying a message would do a lot.

NumberTheory · 14/01/2023 01:04

It may be good for her to be off, doing something with friends and not worrying about you seeing you recover.

Is there significant risk? Do you need to prepare her for the possibility of it going wrong? Or is it fairly routine in terms of risk and you can reasonably tell her it’s all going to be fine and you can’t wait to see her when she gets back as you’ll have had a few days to recover and you’ll be bored and in need of hearing about all the exciting things she’s done?

Anotheranonymousname · 14/01/2023 01:23

What sort of state are you likely to be in at the actual waving-off time? If you'll be well enough to video call her or speak to her on the phone, do that. If you're unlikely to be well enough, arrange with the school to get a message to the adults going on the trip so your daughter knows when you're got home/have been moved to a ward or whatever is appropriate.

It's really positive your daughter has the sort of relationship with her teacher that means she's been able to tell her she's worried about you. You will be able to recover at home knowing your daughter trusts her teacher with that sort of information so will have someone keeping an extra eye out for her. If your daughter was in my class, I'd suggest you write her a card, pop in a treat or bag of sweets to share and give it to me to pass on once I'd heard from you that you were in the recovery phase. If I wasn't taking a school mobile on the trip, I'd clear it with the headteacher for you to have my mobile number so you could message me directly with an update.

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