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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel both envy and inadequacy about this colleague?

12 replies

TheLostNights · 13/01/2023 22:32

Has five adult kids one of whom is a model. The others, all in very good jobs.
Divorced but has a great relationship with ex and his wife.
Good health
Confident
Close friends.

My family has lots of issues and nowhere near as successful or happy. Aibu to feel a little inadequate around her?

OP posts:
Iamthewombat · 13/01/2023 22:49

It’s fine as long as you don’t start acting on your feelings by trying to trip her up, or being passive aggressive, or undermining her.

JudgeRudy · 13/01/2023 23:50

Why her in particular OP? Many people have these things. How about Brian in accounts who's just celebrated 25 years of happy marriage with a trip to Bali now the mortgage is paid off? Or Kisha who's lives rent free with her parents who bought her a car for her 21st?
Worth considering though that Brian might be awaiting treatment for bowel cancer and Kisha, beautiful as she is is crippled with anxiety and has an ED.
What do you have going on in your life OP that you're grateful for? Do you have a secure home and employment? People who love you? Great ankles?
Comparison is the their of joy!

Sparklesocks · 14/01/2023 00:11

Everyone has their own struggles and challenges behind closed doors. She may appear to have it all but I’m sure she has her own feelings of inadequacy too. We all do. It’s best not to put others on a pedestal and instead concentrate on what we can change about our lives, and accept what we can’t.

Happin · 14/01/2023 00:16

These are all pretty normal things......maybe it would be better if your family issues could be worked on to bring you more happiness. It's not about the £ sign, it's about fixing everything else first.

maddening · 14/01/2023 00:25

Well it's not a useful emotion to indulge in for you - a fleeting moment perhaps but what is the point in dwelling on insecurity and jealousy - it hurts you to do so, it is very negative and your energy would be best placed in making positive steps in your own life - I would focus on your mindset.

Testina · 14/01/2023 00:28

It’s pretty normal to feel jealous of people.
But it’s really sad that one of the things you’re jealous of is having an adult child who is a model. I mean, it’s a job and that’s fine… but it’s hardly the most impressive job. Sad to focus on looks.

RenovationsUnderway · 14/01/2023 00:31

As someone wise said, it's best for you to compete with the person you were yesterday.

Lalliella · 14/01/2023 00:54

RenovationsUnderway · 14/01/2023 00:31

As someone wise said, it's best for you to compete with the person you were yesterday.

I love this!

whumpthereitis · 14/01/2023 01:35

Sparklesocks · 14/01/2023 00:11

Everyone has their own struggles and challenges behind closed doors. She may appear to have it all but I’m sure she has her own feelings of inadequacy too. We all do. It’s best not to put others on a pedestal and instead concentrate on what we can change about our lives, and accept what we can’t.

The woman may be as blessed as she seems to OP to be, and genuinely happy in her life though. I think imagining that someone is actually in a secretly bad position to make yourself feel better is as problematic as jealousy itself tbh. It’s consoling yourself by fantasising that someone else is struggling.

MissTrip82 · 14/01/2023 04:45

I wouldn’t envy divorce or being a model.

Weird success matrix you’ve got there.

Princesspollyyy · 14/01/2023 05:02

I would feel envious of anyone divorced, even if they do have a great relationship with their ex.

Princesspollyyy · 14/01/2023 05:02

^would't

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