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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Household chore balance with SAHP

3 replies

workloadBalance · 13/01/2023 12:36

My DP recently decided to quit his high-stress, long-hour job to be a SAHD because he missed out on so much of DD1 's(4) early life. On days DD1 is at nursery, he sometimes lets DD2 (4m) cry while he does chores that are not sling compatible, like deep cleaning the bathroom. On days when they are both home, he regularly stays up until 3am doing household chores (like bulk cooking, bins), because he feels he didn't get enough done during the day. I wonder if this is an indication that I need to do more around the house or is he just in an adjustment period as a SAHD and his expectations of himself are too high? I don't want to be like one of those awful partners who don't contribute enough though. When I was on maternity leave, I prioritised cuddling/playing with DDs and sleeping over keeping the house tidy and it turned into a tip, so I guess I'm much lazier that him! Currently, my schedule is: 1. wake up before anyone else to make breakfast and get ready for work 2. either do a nursery run before work or give the girls breakfast while DP gets ready. 3. work 4. eat dinner with the family 5. bedtime routine for DD1 and DD2 6. pump milk, shower, go to bed at 9pm. 7. Wake up at least 2 times at night for DD2 and sometimes DD1. On weekends, I'm maybe 80% in charge of the girls, while DP does even more chores! I don't see any friends or have hobbies ATM, because I don't have time! Usually, my sleep pattern is 2 hours, then 3 hours, then 4 hours, so I guess I could cut those first two hours and do some tidying, dishes, countertops, sweeping, but I'm so tired. AIBU to want that extra sleep?

OP posts:
1hyuny · 13/01/2023 12:39

Get a cleaner. It would solve the problems both ways. Has your husband got any mental health issues? Cleaning at 3am sounds a bit extreme.

PuttingDownRoots · 13/01/2023 12:47

How it worked when mine were that age...

During the week I primarily concentrated on them, with daily tasks like tidying up, cooking, dishwasher, hoovering, wiping stuff down done around naps. In the evenings if DH was home, one of us would be doing baths etc while other clearing up dinner stuff.

At weekends, Dh would then take them out for a fewhours... soft play for example. Thats was when I did "big" jobs like bathroom cleaning.

xogossipgirlxo · 13/01/2023 12:50

Cleaning at 3AM sounds bit excessive. World won't stop turning because he didn't do bins. Does the house look good? Maybe he puts too much on himself. I'd rather comfort crying baby over cleaning the bathroom. Looks like your husband needs to find the balance in his new role.

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