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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smug people

19 replies

beamout · 13/01/2023 10:41

Slight rant ahead. To be clear I don't care whether people follow fashions and trends or don't. But I find it really annoying when someone starts a thread asking for a view on eg a piece of clothing or interior design matter and there are loads of responses where someone has to say "oh I don't follow and trends and just follow my own instinct and what I like but..." I don't really understand why this has to be pointed out each time. Give a view on what the OP is asking about - your smug superior approach to never being influenced by anything in life is entirely unrelated to the question. Just don't say it! I find people who are consciously determined not to do anything that is popular or in fashion and then insist on telling/bragging to everyone about how Independent and "un-influenced" they are really annoying. And I honestly don't think it is because I am jealous of their approach - I follow some trends and not others I don't feel any particular pressure. I just think it is smug to say it to someone who is looking for advice!

OP posts:
underneaththeash · 13/01/2023 10:48

Personally I think being "influenced" by any of these people (who are basically paid to promote a product they may or may not like), is incredibly stupid. I just cannot understand why anyone would trust the advice of some random....

ComtesseDeSpair · 13/01/2023 10:52

Is that smug? Or are the way just pointing out that “fashion” is entirely arbitrary and if you like something and think it looks good you should buy or wear it regardless of whether anyone else likes it?

ReneBumsWombats · 13/01/2023 11:00

Well they might not be influenced by fashion but they'll still be world experts on style and excellent taste, because everybody is.

I think we all follow it to some extent because I can't remember the last time I saw anyone dressed like this.

Smug people
RenoDakota · 13/01/2023 11:02

I agree. It's like the ones who claim they only ever think about weight when their clothes start feeling tight, dismissing the OPs valid concerns about pounds / kgs.

RunnerBum · 13/01/2023 11:05

ReneBumsWombats · 13/01/2023 11:00

Well they might not be influenced by fashion but they'll still be world experts on style and excellent taste, because everybody is.

I think we all follow it to some extent because I can't remember the last time I saw anyone dressed like this.

That look is actually "in" right now.

www.blue17.co.uk/vintage-blog/retro-shell-suits/
www.theguardian.com/fashion/shortcuts/2019/jun/25/gucci-1800-pound-shell-suit-return-1980s-worst-look

ReneBumsWombats · 13/01/2023 11:06

RunnerBum · 13/01/2023 11:05

Show quote history

Really? Shows what I know, I guess.

I definitely ignore fashion when it looks like that!

Carryonmarion · 13/01/2023 11:08

My early 20's son sometimes dresses like the people in that photo. My daughter and I call his style "cold war teen".

BarbaraofSeville · 13/01/2023 11:09

I don't think it's smug and it's always worth saying.

You see so many posts saying things like 'how do I wear mom jeans when they don't suit me as much as skinnies do' like it's never occurred to them that it's not compulsory to follow fashion, especially if you don't like or suit what is currently 'in'.

ReneBumsWombats · 13/01/2023 11:11

It is hard, though, to buy things that aren't in fashion even if they're what you want, because nowhere stocks them.

Original poster
beamout · 13/01/2023 11:56

Don't get me wrong in terms of personality quirks there are far worse! But for me it's the need to point it out in a way that makes it clear the poster thinks their way makes them special or better! If this happens in real life there is generally a collective eye roll around that person and the person who asked the question feels a bit small and ridiculous (on this one I may be projecting my own feelings!) just don't say it! If you have a view express the view but why the need to start anything with "oh well I don't personally bend to any whims in fashion or life because I am a strong individual who doesn't need any kind of exterior validation, but as you sadly require some here you go..."

OP posts:
Original poster
beamout · 13/01/2023 11:57

BarbaraofSeville · 13/01/2023 11:09

I don't think it's smug and it's always worth saying.

You see so many posts saying things like 'how do I wear mom jeans when they don't suit me as much as skinnies do' like it's never occurred to them that it's not compulsory to follow fashion, especially if you don't like or suit what is currently 'in'.

Agreed - but there are ways of saying things without making the OP feel small and irrelevant

OP posts:
HappyBook · 13/01/2023 12:04

I get what you mean. Drives me mad on the Style & Beauty board when someone asks for advice on style and then loads of people pile
on and say they’re not concerned about style. Why are you commenting then?

My favourite is where someone asks for fashionable trainers and then people suggest Sketchers because they’re comfortable. They might well be comfortable but they’ll never be stylish. Then when someone points out sketchers aren’t stylish, the poster gets all
offended and says they didn’t know they and wear them because they’re comfortable and that’s all that matters.

Original poster
beamout · 13/01/2023 12:27

Yes yes yes - even more annoying is the posters who then get annoyed that their irrelevant and sometimes offensive input is not appreciated!

I think it's the faux naivety of it - it is obvious that the poster wants to make themselves look/feel better and they do it in a way that makes it difficult to call them out on it. Even by posting this I risk people saying this is a me problem and I am just jealous.

OP posts:
HappyBook · 13/01/2023 12:35

I think some people do post in a bid to make themselves feel superior. Another example is someone posting recently, asking for advice about their 15YO going to a party and wanting to take alcohol. Some posters saying I’ve only got a newborn but I’d never allow it. Er, come back when you’ve got a 15YO and offer a valid opinion.

AGoodDayForSomebodyElseToDie · 13/01/2023 12:42

I wouldn't call it smug - surely the intent is to encourage the OP to follow their own instincts and pick something they like regardless of whether it's on trend right now. Far better for the OP to have something they genuinely like, and for the environment not to follow arbitrary trends blindly.

I don't think people who do this are trying to demonstrate what an independent thinker they are so much as trying to discourage people from fast fashion and the capitalist rat race.

I think the Sketchers comment above, which the OP seems to agree with, is more "smug" than the "buy what you like brigade". Oh Sketchers will never be stylish? Surely that depends on the "style" in question, and, given enough time, most things come around again - they may never be your style, but they may come back into fashion and be on trend again. I've no vested interest in Sketchers - I don't own or want to own any - but that's a sneery, unpleasant comment about other people's choices if ever I saw one!

Original poster
beamout · 13/01/2023 13:00

I think it really depends on how it is worded. Agreed some posters are trying to encourage a healthier approach - but some are simply being smug! Although maybe I am being smug by voicing this opinion as I clearly have some issue with it and need to feel like I am right and someone else is wrong 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Izipizi · 13/01/2023 13:03

I think what you more referring to is similar to the equally irritating habit of really vanilla people saying things like, “OMG I’m sooooo random!” for doing stuff like going bowling on a Thursday night or naming their child after the city where they were conceived.

No. No, you are not random. You are lemming and just too basic to realise it.

See also people who regularly use “you do you” and “it is what it is” in their everyday chat.

BreviloquentBastard · 13/01/2023 13:04

People making comments like that always make me think of Miranda Priestley's amazing Cerulean Monologue from the Devil Wears Prada.

Nevermind31 · 13/01/2023 13:05

beamout · 13/01/2023 11:56

Don't get me wrong in terms of personality quirks there are far worse! But for me it's the need to point it out in a way that makes it clear the poster thinks their way makes them special or better! If this happens in real life there is generally a collective eye roll around that person and the person who asked the question feels a bit small and ridiculous (on this one I may be projecting my own feelings!) just don't say it! If you have a view express the view but why the need to start anything with "oh well I don't personally bend to any whims in fashion or life because I am a strong individual who doesn't need any kind of exterior validation, but as you sadly require some here you go..."

You may be projecting a bit…
i see it more as…. I am not that qualified to give an opinion on this as I don’t follow fashion and therefore have no clue on whether you are being fashionable, but I give you my view anyway. But I am telling you that I don’t know what I am talking about so you can take that into consideration…

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