Should the school have called me? Upset child

[SunsetBlue]

My DD is 7, year 3. She loves school and is very happy to go every day.

Sadly her grandad died this week so she had a day off school because she felt too sad to go in. She was very upset and cried on and off all day.

Today she happily went to school after I told her the teachers would help her if she felt sad. I emailed her teacher this morning to let him know of the bereavement.

At the end of the school day I collected her and she burst into tears almost immediately. She said she'd felt sad all day as she kept thinking about grandad, and she'd gone to the school office at lunchtime to ask them to call me and pick her up. Apparently the office staff talked to her and said they'd call me. But they didn't.

I'm now feeling really cross with the school for their lack of compassion. I feel really sorry for DD. she was clearly upset and grieving, she thought I was coming to collect her and I didn't.

AIBU to think the school should have at least called me to let me know she was struggling?

I don't think the school were great. They could have supported her and tried to encourage her to have some quite time with a friend and discretely ring you to see what you felt was right for your daughter.

We are lucky we have a home school liaison teacher who would typically be involve.

I think in this case, the office staff shouldn't say they'll call if they don't have the authority to make that decision. They should say "I'll speak to Mrs X" or whoever and then take it from there.

I think it's bad to say they'll phone and then not do it. The rest depends on the circumstances - maybe DD put in a braver face than she's saying and they thought she'd be ok. I would certainly talk to the teacher about it.

It's rubbish but I have had similar where school told my DD they'd phone me and didn't (different situation). Thing is my DD was 14 and after an hour she tried to leave school because she was still very upset and probably more upset because I wasn't there. After that they obviously called me.
What is her school like usually? In our case it was the last straw and she moved schools.
YANBU at all and I wouldn't be sending her in until I knew exactly what had happened and exactly what was said. I'd be speaking to her teacher too. He knew she was upset and if it was bad enough he had to give her something different to do he should have asked the office to call you. So sorry for your loss.

I think they should have called you.
But I’d keep an open mind to find out why they didn’t.

As a class teacher I would have hoped that the kid would be comforted and gently distracted, letting her do a quiet activity with a friend for a while or helping the teacher if she feels too stressed to be in a big group. If this does not calm her down I would hope she could have a little chat with you on the office phone at lunch time, so you can reassure her and remind her tat you will be there at the end of the day and you can do something nice together. Her grief is real and it's hard to deal with. It's a balance of being compassionate and sensitive and trying to keep school as normal as possible, when her home life will be anything but normal right now.

@SunsetBlue I would definitely speak to the school to find out what happened.

It is possible that they called the wrong number, and you are not aware of this. If they have the wrong number for you, they cannot get hold of you in an emergency