Hello,
Any advice or past experience would be so welcome please! Not sure if I have the right thread...
A very very long story short, right before lockdown I was told I couldn't have kids, my then partner walked out. A broken woman I found solace and company online...first mistake. I met a guy I thought was wonderful, and spent the year we were together wondering why he was interested in a woman who couldn't have kids. Then surprise, I fell pregnant, he seemed happy and I felt like I'd won the lottery!!
Anyway the pennies started falling hard and fast and it wasn't ok, he said he didn't love me and broke up with me.
Since then (still just pregnant) he's regularly threatened me with court if I've disagreed with anything. I am more than happy for him to see her as much as he wants, all I've asked is that its set times each week (his coming and going as he felt just caused issues if I'd made plans) and that he comes to see her here. He regularly cancels weekend visits and won't see her for two weeks. He pays his £100 a week, not a penny more or less, despite my £900 a month childcare, mortgage, bills etc....and his £100 a month rent in army digs! That's my life choices apparently.
I'm not happy about her staying on camp in a single mans block, and I'm not happy about him taking her 300 miles home for the weekend. She's one and I've never left her at night, nor has he ever put her to bed or had her over night here, despite the offer. If he had a home with a bedroom, even a kitchen, I'd feel a bit better about it...I could actually do with the sleep! If the army won't trust them with an oven I'm at a loss as to how people let them have babies in there...but that's another thread.
I am genuinely not the sort to use a child as a weapon, I don't want to hurt him, I definitely don't want him back, all I want for her is to have two loving parents and to feel safe and comfortable. But in my heart of hearts I do not believe that he has her best interests at heart, its all about what she brings to his life, or overpowering my decisions, regardless of whether what I'm saying makes sense. Her best interests are never at the centre of what he wants.
In addition, I worry about his anger, while he's in the army I'm confident it'll be managed as his job is very important to him, but the anger when he loses it with me is sometimes extreme, and the way he's hit my dog really concerns me.
I'm worried that if it goes to court he'll turn on the charm and decisions will be made I'm hugely uncomfortable with. Equally I can't cope with the regular threats. My heart feels like its going to beat out of chest every time I have any interaction with him. If I say I'm struggling I'm a victim, if I say I'm not comfortable with something I'm controlling or a narcissist. They're not swear words, but after a nearly two years of it I'm struggling with it all. I had to cancel our holiday to France with my mum last year as he changed his mind about allowing me to take her.
I work full time, started a little business to make ends meet, and look after her. Sometimes I find juggling it all really hard, but she was a gift I never thought I'd have and I adore her.
So why is it all about their rights and their control, if you genuinely worry for your child, shouldn't that mean something? He says he wants her all weekend alternate weekends :( If anyone has any experience of it or advice I'd love to know what to do!
Sorry, that wasn't really a long story short!! Thank you :)