Family belittling my achievements.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

In three years I’ve gone from entry level part time jobs that fit around the kids (bar staff, shop assistant type jobs) to being a store manager with a professional qualification done through an apprenticeship scheme.

Now I’m very much not saying I’m a high flier but I’ve worked incredibly long hours to gain several promotions and my course was a lot of work (and I gained a distinction in all the modules).

Over the past few months since I got my new job after finishing my qualification I’ve had the following comments from my siblings.

When are you going to get a proper career?

Everyone passes apprenticeships, they’re not hard.

Its not a real qualification anyway.

It’s easy to get promoted lots in retail and hospitality.

Store manager isn’t really a senior job, not like running a department in a company.

I wouldn’t be happy to earn less than 40k a year, I’d feel like a right loser.

One is an engineer and the other is a head of a department in a household name company.

So I guess my AIBU is, to think I’ve worked really hard to get where I am and being a manager in retail isn’t something a monkey could do (another comment). Or IABU, it’s a bit pathetic for a 43 year old to be working an essentially menial job and being proud of it.

I was on such a high when I got my results and then my new job, and they have made me feel like a fucking knob for expecting any sort of congratulations. I’ve been at my new job for a while now and smashed every single target and objective but again, that’s easy stuff and not something to be proud of at all. It’s making me embarrassed to ever say anything at all.

I am always super supportive and congratulatory with any of their successes by the way and I never mention stuff in an ‘I’m better than you’ way at all, the opposite in fact.

Im just feeling a bit sorry for myself after the most recent conversation and feel like never speaking to them about anything ever again.

They sound awful and very snobby!

Congratulations OP! Based on some of the complete numpties I've encountered working in shops lately, we need a lot more people like you.

images.app.goo.gl/eWv2dBTBQ2cN7FUCA

That's a quote you might like.

Are you proud of yourself? Yes, and rightly so.
Why then do their comments annoy you? You decide that they don't and deflect. You cannot control what they say or think but you can control your responses.

Ah I feel horrid reading everything they thoughtlessly said! No way!

I say, bugger them and well done you. You have done well. Just keep it away from them, and keep doing amazingly at work. You have fought hard for this and done well, and brought up the children with your career on the backburner. I think you've done amazingly.

FWIW I left a corporate job and slashed my salary in half to work in an entry level position with vulnerable people. I had a bit of a career at it, won some awards. But recently I've jacked even that in and now work in a care home which I LOVE. People may scoff, but being happy and fulfilled, and ticking boxes in one's head and heart means a LOT in this world.

You sound like you've done incredibly well and importantly (and rightly) are proud of your achievements.

To me there's one of two things going on here.

Your siblings feel your achievement or happiness diminishes their own, even if they genuinely don't think you're at the same level as they are they want to diminish you so you know your place. They're dicks.

Or you're maybe you're going on about it a bit too much, constantly looking for validation and approval from them and they're fed up and hoping that the digs will shut you up.

Knowing siblings I expect the first but do check your behaviour in case it's the second. Then either ignore or call them out in their bullying behaviour.

You are amazing.

The w***s in your family enjoy feeling superior to you, I give you 5 years before you out earn one of them at this rate.

God, are they always so awful?

Talk about f*ing rude!

Don't let the bastards grind you down. You've done - and are doing- brilliantly and there will be jealousy and resentment at the heart of their bitchiness.

Tell them you'd rather be getting paid for a job a monkey could do than working in an office which turns you into a total bitch.

They are gobsmackingly rude. Ask them how long they'll be stuck on idiot before they get their promotion to full dickhead.

They’re cunts

they’re being deliberately unkind.

even if being a store manager was a ‘menial’ job (it isn’t!) it’s still fucking rude to say so - they sound needlessly cruel.

congratulations on your achievements - it sounds like you have a fantastic mix of academic and practical skills and are actually a great manager - not an easy skill set!

Oh how unkind and rude they are!
I am sure you didn't belittle their achievements.

Please take no notice!

I have a 1st class degree and spent many years as a childminder.
I loved it so much.
I am too soft hearted for any big organisation but I can nurture children really well.
I feel I have had a good life and contributed to my local community.

I am also politically active and fight for the people who need support.

Do I wish I had loads of money?
Of course I do but I am happy with what I have achieved.

Don't your parents tell your nasty siblings to stop?

They sound richly in need of a good spanking. Unfortunately that's against the law so it's hard to know what to recommend.

You could always tell them to fuck off. I know I would.

That's mean of them.

They believe they're successful and intelligent, but they lack in the common sense department.

Congratulations on your achievements.

I don’t see a lot of them so all these comments have been at the last couple of family gatherings. I’m embarrassed that at the time I just laughed it off. I’m not normally that wet but i felt really put in my place and it was only afterwards when I mentioned it to DH that I sort of realised how rude it was. DH (who somewhat ironically outearns them both by a a large margin, not that it matters) wasn’t in earshot or he’d have jumped in, I’m sure. He’s very proud of me and sees how hard I work.

My mother very much favours them and while she didn’t comment she didn’t leap to my defence.

I love my job, and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved. I don’t wang on about it though. The comments about my apprenticeship were at an expensive meal paid for by my parents to celebrate my brothers degree and I stupidly (quietly) said to my sister that perhaps we should have done something to mark mine. She laughed and said it’s not a real qualification so why would we.

Your role in the family was to be the one who was underachieving career-wise. You’re stepping out of your lane and they don’t like it.

Stop praising them. When they tell you how fab they are, just smile and say something short and bland like “that’s nice”.

Stop sharing your successes. If they ask, just smile and say “yeah, work’s going well, thanks”.

Hug your successes to yourself, or share them with people who deserve to hear about them.

The comments about my apprenticeship were at an expensive meal paid for by my parents to celebrate my brothers degree and I stupidly (quietly) said to my sister that perhaps we should have done something to mark mine. She laughed and said it’s not a real qualification so why would we

That's awful 🙁

I think this is excellent advice.
Huge congratulations, OP. Doing any qualification around family and work commitments is hard work. You fully deserve to be proud of yourself.

Even if your job is tying your own shoelaces your siblings should be cheering you on. I guess my point is that there is not need for meanness - I might be tempted to say something like 'ouch, thats not a very nice comment' if they do it again.

They sound miserable. My mother was the same, told me my degree ( gained as a mature student single mum to two) wasn’t a proper degree like my brother’s. Well it felt like it when I was doing the work !
Congratulations on your achievements , and remember this is the start of your career. With your attitude and work ethic you can go wherever you want to.

Reading your post one of the joys which stands out is you have been able to keep learning and were being supported by your employer to keep learning and continue developing professionally and personally. Your siblings are jealous of this.