How to improve my sex drive

[C1239]

Im in my late 30s, long term relationship which I’m happy in, just I’ve noticed in the last year my sex drive has slowed up! Now I’m not fussed if it’s not more than once a week, especially this time of year I seem tired when it’s time for bed and just want to snuggle up and go to sleep! I don’t want us to get to the stage where it stops though… any advice on how to start to want it more?!

Once a week sounds perfectly normal and plentiful to me! Life does start to slow down a little x

Are you on the pill? That is awful for killing libido, do maybe investigate another contraceptive method if you are.

Also, (and don't judge me)could you read some spicy books at bedtime. Not necessarily the fifty shades of grey type, but there are some great contemporary authors with a lot of naughty scenes .Try Lucy Score, Kate Canterbary, Kate Stewart, they may get your brain in a less tired more spicy mood and inspire some ideas!

My libido is right down too. It is challenging in a LTR

Do you have kids?

Do you get enough sleep?

Is there romance in your relationship outside of the bedroom eg. sexting, kissing that doesn't lead to sex etc.

Do you need a multivitamin?

Do you still fancy your partner?

I've had this book recommended to me

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1472267133/ref=ox_sc_act_title_2?smid=A1X3L7FI75N79O&psc=1

The obvious - make sure you get plenty of sleep so you don't start out tired. Vitamins etc

Ensure the room is warm enough, no fun stripping off in three degrees of frost.

Make sure you feel attractive to start with - general self care, pedicure, smell nice, etc The same for your partner (not the pedicure 😁.

No anxieties about pregnancy, being walked in on by small children, or being overheard by sarcastic teens etc

Then add whatever you like to help things along - a glass of fizz, a raunchy film, body oil etc.

Once a week is absolutely fine, especially if that's what you're both happy with.

If you're not happy: do you still 'date' each other or are you settled into a housemate type situation where everything is too familiar? Do you get plenty of alone time to do seperate things/have time away from each other so you're not dulling the excitement of spending time together?

Do you have equal levels of responsibility in the house (i.e. you're not feeling like you've taken on a mum/housekeeper role)?

Do you communicate well? No simmering resentments etc that are killing your sex drive?

Is life/work stressful?

The novelty of shagging every 5 minutes dies down for a lot of people when you see each other all day, every day, and you can easily stop acting like romantic partners - flirting, spending intentional time together that isn't 'scrolling sat side by side on the sofa', dating each other, talking about stuff that isn't the day-to-day admin of what to have for tea. Add in imbalances in communication or housework or big stressors and it's easy for it to drop off entirely.

Sometimes it just takes time, sometimes you need to address it on purpose. Sometimes it isn't actually a problem and it's just a new phase in your relationship!

I have to say I think once a week in a LTR is totally average and nothing to worry about. Very few people in LTRs are shagging constantly.

Are you genuinely happy with your partner and are you still attracted to him? Nine times out of ten in my experience when women experience a loss of libido its because their partner is generally not up to scratch in various ways (not doing enough around the house, not spending enough quality time together, not investing enough into the relationship). But if you say you are happy then I'll take that at face value.

Tiredness is also a big thing. If you're tired you're not going to feel it.

It doesn't sound problematic to me though as long as you're not unhappy with it.

Peri menopause perhaps?