I recently ended one of my friendships - we had only been friends for a short time (a year or so) but we spoke very regularly (almost on a daily basis).
The reason for me ending this friendship was because I saw a different side to them that I didn’t like - on the one hand they was a very caring person and would do anything for anyone and had been through a lot - but on the other hand they could never accept criticism if they had done something wrong, they always made a situation about them when other people had problems going on and they always had drama going on around them which became very draining to keep listening to. She is also quite ignorant and arrogant about things that she thinks she understands but she really doesn’t (for example, she claims to understand mental health issues but then slams people who need antidepressants).
They also very much let their past trauma into their current present life and nearly every conversation was about that, even to the point where if they did something wrong they would use their past trauma as an excuse for their behaviour. Now I too have had a lot of trauma in my life at a young age (the death of one of my children, severe and chronic domestic abuse, suicide within the family and so on all before the age of 23 years old), but I don’t feel the need to constantly go on about it and I can also hold my hands up when I’m in the wrong and don’t use those things as an excuse for me to just behave however I want to at other people’s expense.
She was very upset when I sat her down and explained to her that this friendship was draining me and I needed to let go of it for my own sake, because I’m the only person she has fully opened up to and can speak to about anything (she feels like that), she also has some things going on in her life at the moment that she has relied on my support for, I have tried to be there as much as I can but ultimately I have also got my own things going on (legal issues with my child and her father) and I can’t handle both things at once because of my own well-being and mental health.
I have had quite a bad guilt trip ever since and it’s making me question and doubt - was I right in ending this friendship or is this what a friendship entails (the good and bad times)?