To think I might lose my dc if I'm diagnosed autistic

[isitworththeriskornot]

I have known for a number of years that I have autism, I'm now 40 and there's also autism in the family.
I've just done a Aq test for autism and scored 50/50 but although personally I don't need a diagnosis I feel it would benefit me if I ever got a job (currently SAHM) supported by dh.
The thing is I don't want to get diagnosed and then maybe be referred to children's services and lose the dc, if that could happen I'd rather keep quiet and maybe seek diagnosis when they're 18.
Has anyone else got a diagnosis and had any issues with keeping their dc?
mine are school age and I'm able to mask it so nobody has ever questioned my parenting and I have perfectly happy and cared for dc, I just don't want to risk everything for a piece of paper.
Do gps have to refer you if you have a diagnosis?

Why on earth would you lose your children if you are diagnosed with autism?

I really wouldn’t trust those online ‘tests’. They give people high scores on purpose so they will trot off and pay for help. Which is why there’s a link and small print.

I know a number of mums diagnosed as Autistic and none of them have had their par ending questioned that I'm aware of.

One, those online tests aren’t remotely reliable.

Two, why do you think being diagnosed with autism would lead to you losing your kids?!

That should read parenting!

No not on their own but it's the official one that the dr used to see if you meet the criteria of referral.
I have known for a long time and done a lot of research and there's really no doubt in my mind that I am autistic.

I'm autistic. There has never be any suggestion I lose my children (they're adults now)

Why do you think someone will refer you to social services for being autistic? (Genuine question - I'm not being sarcastic).

There's are thousands of brilliant adults and children out there who are autistic going about their daily business just fine.

There are lots of people struggling with bringing up children and failing them in some way (abuse in whichever form) who need social services support. Some of them may be autistic and some not. Some are men and some women. Some are old or young.

Autism does not = abusing your children.

That's really good to know

Also that’s an American site, they use very different diagnoses models to the NHS.

Some people have children’s services referrals flowing a health related diagnosed but first and foremost for support. If there are concerns about abuse that a child’s needs REALLY can’t be taken care of do they consider removal. Same as NT people basically. It’s pretty rare though, and removal isn’t automatic.

Unless there’s a backstory and you aren’t caring for your children adequately there’s no need to worry

I was diagnosed at 39, two dc (11 and 5 at the time, eldest also ASC), never any mention of involving any agencies or informing SS. There's no reason you would lose your dc

No one will want to remove your children if you are caring for them appropriately. SWs have enough to do as it is without removing well cared for children from their homes.

Which doctor? Who told you to do this test?

I'm autistic. Never once had social services or anything of the kind involved. Both kids still with me 12 years later.

Don't worry, you won't lose your children if you're diagnosed autistic. It won't be on anyone's radar to even think about that! I myself am autistic, i'm 36 with an 8 year dd. I started my new job and told them I'm autistic without a formal diagnosis at the time, they've been great and understanding and have never asked for any proof or anything. You don't have to get a diagnosis, many people don't or can't for many reasons. If you do need more support, it may benefit you but it can be a very stressful process anyway.

You could do the online RAADS-R test for your own peace of mind too. embrace-autism.com/raads-r/

It might be useful to look at the neruodiverse mumsnetters section.

Hopefully some of the threads there will reassure you that there are lots of mums with an autism diagnosis.

What about all the thousands of children currently growing up with autism/other SN? They will be adults one day and they don't all have a note on their medical records saying 'remove any baby born to this person as soon as it's born? Unless you are putting your child at risk, you won't have them removed. Autistic people can be perfectly good parents.

I understand

You feel like you will be scrutinised people will be looking at you waiting for you to fail in some way shape or form the phrase that social workers use is "risk of future harm"

It's a very real fear in the neurodiverse community and it has been used against people in the past they don't need to prove you harm your child just that you "might" based on "past behaviour" or "medical diagnosis" (depression adhd etc)

What benefits will diagnosis bring? I'm in my 40s undiagnosed but its really obvious there is something off about me but I manage but having had previously had social services involved (due to my ex husbands abuse) I won't go for diagnosis unless there is a real benefit to me

Most referrers will use AQ along with a couple of others as an initial screening tool to determine whether referral criteria are met. These are standardised screening tools that form part of any assessment, not an online quiz!

OP, there are millions of autistic parents out there. There won’t be a children’s services referral unless there are concerns about your children. And in that case, diagnosis would protect you as children’s services need to communicate with you in accordance with the Equality Act ( autistic communication can often be misinterpreted by professionals).

The AQ which the OP has used is a highly respected and legitimate autism screening tool! (It's flawed but it's not a dodgy online test, it's widely used in the NHS).

Loads of mums are diagnosed, you won't lose your kids unless you're a risk to them, and there's no evidence to suggest autism raises risks for mums. If you're autistic, you're autistic, a diagnosis won't change that, but it would give you some protections and validation (if you need it).

If you are seeking diagnosis via the NHS, the waiting lists are very long, that is even if you can persuade them to get you on a waiting list - some NHS areas flatly refuse adult referrals.

I say this to illustrate the general lack of urgency around the process which I hope will reassure you.

No you don't need to worry about that LateMumma you and your family wont be separated.

Simon Baron- Cohen devised a test that he used in his research that is more reliable. It led to my husband's diagnosis in his 40s. If you are happy not to have a diagnosis then don't do it if you are curious, do.

www.autismresearchcentre.com/staff/simon-baron-cohen/

If may help if you have any thoughts regarding ASC with your children (both mine are diagnosed which prompted my husband to do the Baron-Cohen test)

there is no reason you would lose your children because of an autism diagnosis.

we are no better or worse at parenting than NT people. We all have strengths and weaknesses.

one very important thing to keep in mind is that autism tends to run in families. If a parent is autistic and has a child with autism, that parent can be perfectly poised to help support the child. I spent a lifetime coming up with my own systems for thriving in a world that isn’t optimized for me. I didn’t even realize I was doing it at the time. It turns out I am the best OT my dc could possibly have.

another thing to consider is whether or not there is really any value in an adult diagnosis. Do you actually need any accommodations in the workplace? Many of us who are older just naturally positioned ourselves in careers that tend to work for neurodiverse people. for me, the value of the diagnosis was self-acceptance and confidence.

I’m autistic, have children and WORK in children’s services - never even heard a remote sniff about a mother being investigated/children removed for parental autism.

(I was diagnosed in my mid-40s)

Do you actually need any accommodations in the workplace?

I don't but I'm prone to bullying so I'd like to be able to explain my disability so people understand.
It doesn't do my confidence any good to be mocked and ridiculed.
I think this is my main reason for wanting diagnosis.