Why is it ok to tell people they've put weight on

[Ididnthityouharold]

My partner has had it several times over the last year. (No he's not in the obese category or gained a significant amount of weight) i can already see how this thread will go, people will say that he must be unhealthy now.
He's put a bit of weight on but men seem to think it's ok to say to another man "Bloody hell you've put a few lbs on." Or he's had a few jabs like "Bet you've never set foot inside a gym." "Can see who ate all the pies."
Women don't do this to each other, well if someone did that to me they'd know about it.
My partner is too polite to tell them to shut up and he takes it to heart.
He's started going to the gym which is good, but it's for him not them I hope.
Why do people always feel qualified to comment on others' looks?
I used to get comments about my teeth and nosr, now I've fixed both sadly.

Now I think of it, it was men who made fun of my late DH's baldness, and were WTF about his feet (birth defect). Fucking rude and entirely out of order.

It's not going to be easy for your partner as he's polite, and the men will say it's all bantz. He can rejoin by saying look who's talking you chubby prick ( immaterial what shape the tosser is).

Not excusing them but I used to work in an almost all male environment and their way of interacting with each other was similar to this.

I always think some men are just desperate to insult each other as a way of socialising and some women are overly nice when trying to socialise. I don’t think either is healthy.

This is normal behaviour IMO. I just posted on a thread about attending a boys boarding school. This kind of comment about hurt feelings said publicly would have got you tortured for the rest of your days😂

No, it's not sometimes nice to have to hear such things being said to you, but you just have to ultimately get over it. Maybe more of a man thing.

I always think some men are just desperate to insult each other as a way of socialising and some women are overly nice when trying to socialise. I don’t think either is healthy.

Beautifully put. Britain is a nation filled with weird insecure people who think it’s normal to interact this way.

Who are you hanging out with that would say anything about someone who you say isn't that big (obese is a lot smaller than most people think), and hasn't gained much weight?

It isn't ok to go on or make jokes about someone's weight (or nose, or teeth), and they're totally in the wrong.

Also though, for the sake of your DH's health, are you sure he's definitely not gained a lot of weight or got quite big? It's an odd joke if he hasn't (and obese is a lot smaller than people think, my mum was shocked to realise that ata short size 14 she was in that category).

Gosh it’s quite strange when you think about it. I used to work in an all male environment and they all did this sort of thing. As pp said women are the opposite all falling over themselves to be nice to each other. Now as a mum I mix with more women at school gates etc and I can’t cope will all the niceness overload and struggle to fit in. It is funny the two extremes!

It’s the bantz innit. Always a bit of a thin line.

Among people who you trust and have your back I couldn’t get too worked up. It is a more male way of interacting.

If it sounds nasty then he just needs to walk away.

I don't think it is OK.

I think, for men, it isn't viewed as so much of an insult as for women because men aren't judged for being overweight in the same way women are. I don't think that makes it OK but it probably explains why some men see it as 'banter' rather than spite.

Also work in a male dominated industry and it's rife here and is treated as bantz, when I ask them if it bothers them they say no...hopefully it doesn't, it would bother me

The same thing was said to my DP yesterday. I think he's at a weight that suits him, I like and is fine for his health. But someone who he hadn't seen in a few years said "bloody hell you're pilling it back on aren't you?".
I looked on a man's FB who had stayed in an abusive relationship until she killed him. On it was this sort of 'banter', I've seen it on the SM of men who've been successful in committing suicide. Talking about mental health, especially men's is fashionable, but I don't think that a lot of other men do take it seriously.

That is the difference though, I think? I would have no problem whatsoever calling another guy 'a fat cunt' if it was funny and appropriate in the situation😂But I would never ever say remotely even the same to a woman because, it's just different.

Trust me women absolutely do tell other women…

It's called toxic masculinity.
But also, some women are more sly about making such comments.

Trust me women absolutely do tell other women…
Absolutely a few years ago I saw an ex colleague's mum (we are a small town, everyone knows everyone!) I hadnt seen her in a good few years. One if the first things she said to me was " oh, you've gone large havent you"
Another time I met one if my mums friends who I hadnr seen in about 20 years. We were re introduced and the woman said " ah, yes, you were smaller last time i saw you, you are significantly bigger now''. At that point I'd put a stone on and gone up 1 dress size.
My mum assures me this woman is usually nice!

Thanks for all your replies.
Also noticed that if an overweight/larger woman puts a revealing picture on social media then people fall over themselves to comment "Wow, real woman/celebrate your curves/shapely/proud of your size" and so on.
On the show Ru Paul's Drag Race there are drag queens who are dangerously obese, yet they are celebrated as the 'beautiful big girls' 'large and in charge'. This wouldn't happen if they were presenting as male, or if the people on social media were male

I think this too.

Men (generally) are far more likely to make fun of other men to their face, whereas I've known countless women over the years who are lovely and complimentary to someone's face, but not so much behind their back.