Im not the person he fell in love with

[racheg]

When I met my partner, I was SUPER tiny and toned with a high sex drive, working as a dancer.

5 years on, that's not me. We now have 2 kids, I want to be healthy because that's important to me but I can't maintain that tiny toned body anymore- pounding the gym and counting every kcal

My sex drive isn't particularly high... when I do want sex, it's "cosy" sex, ya know? Unlike the younger me who was up for anything!!!

I just don't want to spend hours fake tanning and doing my eyelashes.

I don't really want to go out partying. I prefer cups of tea or a trip to the garden centre (lol)

What do I do? Continue to put on a show? Trying to be the person he first met and fell in love with?

Or do I surrender to the new less glamorous, slightly frumpier, mumsy me ... but isn't that unfair on him?

Advice?

Has your DH indicated he’s in any way unhappy with the new you? Not that this should mean you have to change, of course. But you may be worrying about nothing. Surely his outlook on life and priorities have changed too, now he’s a dad.
also…nothing wrong with cosy sex. Love and intimacy outweigh swinging from the chandeliers (imo!).

Do you have any reason to think he doesn’t appreciate the new(ish) you? You might find the things he loves about you aren’t the things you’re worried about changing at all.

Has he stayed exactly the same?

Is this what he has said or is it your own worry? I'm sure he will have gone through changes as well.

It sounds like the person he fell in love with wasn't the real you though? It sounds like you are now more the real you, but adjusted for age

Has he changed? Has he complained that you have?

It’s okay to have sex as you are without fake tanning or doing your eyelashes. Maybe you’d be more up for it if you didn’t feel you had to prepare so much. Just show up in bed naked. Often the more you do it the more you want to. And garden centre visits and shagging aren’t mutually exclusive interests, don’t do it in the garden centre but there’s space in life for both.

As you are a mum, he is a dad. Has he not change in a similar way to you? Does he not prefer to stay home with the family than partying out?
Embrace your homier self.
When you children grow up, you will be back to something similar to your old self, you will see.

I doubt he's the person he was either! Life moves on and relationships adapt. Just be you. Anything else sounds like bloody hard work - and that is not what marriage should be about.