To have said no to physical contact?

[SunsetsInVenice]

Colleague is a hugger. I am not.
I stood behind a chair the other day to prevent a hug. She however reached out and held my hand instead. I told her I did not want to hug as she was clearly waiting for one.
Aibu to have done this? She looked hurt.

YADNBU
I can't stand being hugged and would have done the same.

Honesty is best here, just let people know you're not a hugger, not everyone is.

just tell her you don’t like hugs.

People HATE being told no when they want to touch you.

I don't touch people outside of close family for religious reasons. It rarely goes down well.

You have every right to tell someone you don't wish to be touched. I hate huggers. I love to hug my husband and children and we are very affectionate with each other. This does not apply to bloody coworkers. Hands off, please, and you are not responsible for this woman's feelings on the matter.

Is your colleague Meghan?

If one person wants physical contact, and the other person doesn't, then the one who doesn't "wins". No one has the right to force contact on another. YADNBU.

Yanbu

She should have asked you if you wanted a hug and respected it if you said no

You must know the answer to this OP??

Tell her you don’t like hugs. If she’s reasonable she’ll accept this and know it’s not personal

Yanbu, I hate huggers who have a pity party or still try and force it after you've said no.

Definitely not unreasonable. I loathe anyone hugging or kissing me other than my husband or kids.

I wish I was the sort of person who could say this.

I don't touch people outside of close family for religious reasons.

Which religion prevents you from hugging a friend?

Yanbu. I have rarely (if ever) hugged a collegue. Why was she hugging? Good news? Upset? To say hello? Doesn't matter either way but i am surprised.

😂😂😂

Since when are we expected to hug colleagues??? And why did she want to hold hands- this is so weird.
I'm not a hugger but I understand hugging in a social setting. But at work?

To say hello.
I guess I just feel bad because she looked hurt and it was very awkward

I actually barked at someone once, a really strange animal noise came out of me as he went to put his arm round me. He was an unpleasant older man, junior to me, doing it to patronise and put me in my place though.

As a general rule, I just say sorry I don't want to be touched/hugged at work.

I find this is very cultural according to the workplace. I worked 23 years in a male dominated commercial industry, no-one would have dreamed of hugging me..

Then I moved into schools. My first school was not a friendly place, everyone hated each other, no one hugged.

The next school people who were close would hug if someone was upset or for a birthday but no random hugging.

Current school they're mad for it. A hug is used to say everything from well done, thank you or chin up. I'm treated as if I have some sort of SN because I don't like it (which tbf they do respect)

Perfectly reasonable. Not just about the individual, but it could be a green light in the office to a dirty old man. If you have one at work.

I don't like it, I find someone huggy insufferable. I'm extremely tactile with the people I care about but that's it.

YANBU

I'm a selective hugger - family & close friends only.

It's a big NO to colleagues, acquaintances & not so close friends.
Do not feel any guilty about refusing to hug - huggers often seem to feel their need to hug trumps your preference not to hug.

To say hello? You have done her a favour. Not socially acceptable at work, especially post covid times when we have become more averse to physical contact. She needs to learn not everyone says hello with a hug.

I used to work with people around the world . It’s also very much a cultural thing. In the brazil offices everyone hugged everyone at a moments notice. In Japan you find yourself bowing back very quickly in response to all the bowing to you- it’s very infectious and takes you by surprise. In france a 2 cheeked kiss everyday on arriving. Across the border, 15 mins away in Switzerland it was 3 kisses - made more confusing there were a lot of French there that were just 2 kisses. God trying to rememeber from one visit to next who was going to go in for 3rd kiss 😱🤣
In Germany - 30 mins the north it was polite handshake. No hugs. No touches. Even amongst female colleagues I became friends with . Funnily even French nationals working there dispensed with the 2 kisses.

in USA it was shake hands only with blokes, hugs at start of my trip and end with some women. Not in southern states though- hands off and was all “ma’m” 🤷🏼‍♀️ in addressing me - must have been the English accent!.

people should ask before hugs and kissing in greetings. I always did for hugs and people even in Brazil warned me in advance they were big huggers and was I ok with it. The countries that do kisses every day with there colleagues on cheeks are just go with flow and adopt a when in Rome attitude no matter how much I didn’t particularly want a kiss from a particular individual .

one of the sweetest memories I had was a woman I worked with for last 6 years of my career in US. she was very touch phobic. I used to occasionally give her “air” hug type gesture from a distance of about a metre when there was something to celebrate with her. But on my last visit before I retired I was saying goodbye etc and she just stepped up to me and gave me a long hug 😊

you are not unreasonable OP. Don’t be embarrassed to have a frank conversation and just say you don’t do touching at work and she needs to respect it. Also tell her gently she needs to ask people in your work culture and that may be a bit different to what she was used to in a previous job.