being intimate with kids in the house

[annierodgers1]

DH will not have sex with me while our child is present in the household. Our child is sixteen and she has bad mental health which means she never leaves the house, not even for school. Me and DH are finding this extremely stressful and I just want some alone time with DH. I asked him if he wanted to have sex but he said he felt uncomfortable, I do not understand this as we are high school sweethearts and used to fool around in our houses when are parents were around. We used to do it when she was younger so I do not understand. AIBU?

Why would it be? I've definitely self pleasured in my own bedroom before (without any noisy stuff) and can't say other people being in the house has any effect at all

If that were the case no-one on earth would have more than one child!

Could you put a lock on the inside of your door and turn the TV up or something?

I assume @BabyOnBoard90 will be celibate once her baby is born.

I do wonder if people overthink things!

Obviously you are more discreet with other people in the house but of course you can have sex. We have two young adults living with us and tough if they find it embarrassing. We thankfully have good noise insulation anyway

I think teens are very difficult when it comes to having sex in the house.

Chances are they’re going to be awake when you DTD which obviously makes it much more difficult.

If you can’t do it anywhere outside the house/when she’s not there then I would think of ways to do it in the house so she can’t hear.

E.g I would get a TV for your room and a lock on the bedroom door and get into the habit of going to bed early and watching TV for an hour - tell her goodnight and to be asleep by X time and then you can go and ‘watch TV’ and have sex on the floor/chair etc without her hearing the bed springs or any other noises.

I laughed at this - but to be fair, who wants to shag when there are children/other family members in the house, awake, with the potential to walk in/hear?

The thread title would be less alarming if you replaced 'with' with 'while'.

Well indeed. And why’s a daughter more off putting than a son?! Some people are so strange.

You are not alone OP. I have two late teens at home. Tend to lose the passion hearing them in the house. We book a cheap hotel for the night.

A 16 year old girl having sex at her family home is not the same as two married grown adults with teenage children having sex!

Lock on the door and that solves the problem of anyone walking in. Life can't just stop because we have children, I used to hate the thought of my parents having sex. But now I'm an adult I hope they still do, it's healthy and natural

You’re joking, right?

As a teacher who works with teenagers with awful sleeping habits, and also someone who’s brother started this sleeping pattern at the age of 17 but whose mum wouldn’t intervene as she felt he needed his privacy and he is now nearing 30 and has agoraphobia to the point of not having left the house for almost 5 years, I would urge you to find help/address the sleeping habits before tou think about tackling any intimacy issues.

I know this isn’t the point of the thread but staying up until 3-4am when you have bad mental health problems is a disastrous idea. Presumably she goes to school? How is she able to focus there on three hours’ sleep?

I’m sure it’s not as easy as saying: “just go to bed,” but this does need dealing with.

Her sleep pattern is not going to be doing her MH any good and it could well be causing her issues, at the very least it will be making them much worse.

Of course she is not going to be able to get up at 7am for school if she’s fallen asleep at 3am.

Tell her she needs to be in bed asleep by 12 midnight the latest for now.

Wake her up at 7 and try and not let her nap during the day, so then she’ll get tired earlier.
She will probably be a moody nightmare for a couple of days but hopefully her body clock will adjust quickly.

Has she been diagnosed with anything?
Waking her up earlier will definitely help but you may need to get her some melatonin to help her body fall asleep.

And what does that have to do with you?

What? She’s 16.

I'm not the only one who read it wrong then.. or perhaps I should say, read correctly...

Zombie thread.

Punctuation is everything.