Dad is commenting about my weight.

[MM1972]

My elderly dad is constantly going on about my weight. To be honest I could afford to lose a few stone. But I’m not morbidly obese.
I’m wondering if he has lost his ‘filter’ and should maybe not comment. My BMI is 30 and 2.5 stone off would put me in healthy range.
I’m not annoyed by him. What he is saying is true but I do wonder if he should be saying it.
I have a teenager daughter that is morbidly obese and estranged from me. I’d like to not be estranged and would like to help her lose weight. I don’t want to mention her weight to her and feel it could derail attempts at reconciliation. I feel a bit helpless in that regard.

Hi OP. There are 2 issues here. Your father is being cruel, whether you need to lose weight or not. It is not very nice to make comments on peoples weight. Bullying will not help you be healthy. I hope you can find a way of forgiving him and or overlook his comments as coming from someone who's age and health have contributed to him losing his filter.

But, gently, you need to address your health. A BMI of 30 is the lower threshold of obese. That isn't an insult or subjective, it is a clinical definition. It is your choice how you act from now as regards yourself. Your body, your choice. But being in denial is also a choice.

As regards your reconciliation with your daughter, it may be better if you didn't involve your dad in this for now given his lack of filter. Especially while things are dicey in your relationship. Long term i suppose it would depend how compos mentos your father is, whether a conversation about body issues is possible and how this is especially difficult with your daughter and could potentially de-rail your reconciliation. Good luck OP.

This is rather a confusing post to me. You are berating your dad for calling you morbidly obese when you feel like you aren't, but then casually refer to your own daughter as morbidly obese but claim you are saying it in a kindly way. How does that work? I hope not to upset you by asking this but: Is your daughter estranged from you because you kept mentioning her weight?

He should mind his own business and so should you. No one loves having a conversation about their weight, do they?

Is there any scope to reconcile with your daughter? Is her weight issue linked to the estrangement?

My daughter is estranged due to parental alienation.
I feel her weight might be due to comfort eating. My exes family are all morbidly obese.
I used to be slim and fit but perhaps was also comfort eating and drinking too much.

I know in myself I should lose weight. I have really cut back on wine and crisps. I’m going to start eating healthier and exercising more too.

I’m not sure. My ex has cut back on their activities and is blaming me for not paying enough. I was paying mortgages and rates and insurance on both family properties. The ex kept all family allowance and working tax credit which they claimed all along they didn’t get. I was also paying money every month plus contributing to school uniforms and first communion outfits etc.
I think my older children are resentful of me mainly due to finances. I own a business which is not making money and has large debts.
I had to pay off one mortgage in its entirety which the ex now owns, take the other house which was in negative equity and mortgage arrears of 27k.
Following divorce I was left in a financial mess.
I’m paying what I owe now according to a maintenance calculator. This is much less than I was paying before and the ex now has a rates bill, house insurance and ground rent. Although the house is now fully paid off and in their sold name they are about £300 a month worse off.