My lovely Mum is dying and I'll never be a Mum myself, devastated

[boilthekettle]

I'm exhausted and it's all hitting me right now. The immediate heartbreak is of course my Mum, my heart is breaking for her and everything she will miss and I can't fathom a world without her?

I also always imagined I'd have children but it isn't going to happen realistically, and it is adding another element to the grief.

I just feel really weird and can't believe this is my life and it's a lonely place to be. My beloved partner has (young adult) kids who are truly lovely people, I am very fond of them and feel protective of them. But I'm not their parent obviously, it is a different relationship.

Anyone else lose both parents in their 30s and not able to have children, if you wanted them?

I haven’t experienced this yet OP, but I am single and childfree in my 30s and have lost one parent. The thought of losing my remaining parent depresses me dreadfully and I do understand the loneliness. Sending hugs xxx

I’m so sorry, @boilthekettle . I hope you are getting RL support.

I'm so sorry OP. I lost both my parents young too (my Mum when I was 21 and my Dad when I was 31). I do have kids, but I'm not sure that made it easier. It still breaks my heart that they won't know their wonderful Granny and Grandpa. I think whatever life situation you are in, losing your parents amplifies it. I'm so sorry, I hope you have some support around you at this time in RL. We're all here to talk too whenever you need it.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but if your Mum is well enough spend time talking, laughing, reminiscing. I have very fond memories of doing that with my Mum when we knew her time was coming. I didn't manage to do that with my Dad as he took ill very suddenly.

Sending a hug - life is so hard sometimes. x

Thank you. I just can't imagine what the future will be like? It all feels so bleak, no matter what perspective I look from.

Just wanted to say how sorry I am. I hope you get lots of time together with your Mum. Maybe make videos and recordings together; it may bring you comfort in the years ahead. X

I do have kids, but I'm not sure that made it easier

No it isn't that it makes things easier, I agree.

It's more of a separate really strange feeling, like having no roots anymore and no prospects of budding new life. I'm probably explaining it wrong, it is difficult to articulate.

My dad died when I was 29, I had just come out of a long term relationship (no kids) and I thought everything was so bleak. The realisation that nothing would ever be the same hit me like a brick. I was quite depressed for about two years - but things did turn around.

I’m so sorry about your mum, be with her and try to enjoy the time you have - in the months after, this will give you great comfort.

I tried to have children with my husband that I’d met a few years after and it didn’t happen, which was another loss. We adopted two children at 39. I am a very different person now, but I remember feeling the bleakness - it will be hard, but you will be ok.